December 14, 2005

Finally To Able To Write

Erm... Dh lama tak bebel dlm ni.....takde idea nk pon tibe2 dpt ilham takdela giler2 jugak...2 3 hari...jd mcm bese balik...ish ish ish arini aku bangger....bos aku kasik keje pagi...ptg aku dh byk la die bg keje....aku br settle kan satu task........kire ok la kan dr pon task tu die nak aku dh kasik arini.....achievement yg menarik...hehehe...

oklah..tak sempat lak nk berceloteh....dh waktu balik...lapa ni...tghari tadi tak mkn ...muahahaha...aku dh gemuk balik laa asenye....2 3 hari lepas mkn byk tak hengatt nye la...heheheheeh...

pe pe pon.....pray for my success whom ever is reading....daaaaaa

December 02, 2005

The Idea....No Idea

Lately i find it hard to write. I don't know what to write. I'm bored without doing anything or even while doing anything. Kalu suruh aku kemas opis ke, tuka lampu opis ke, pasang langsir opis ke, aku suke la. Aku pon tak tau kenape dengan aku skang ni. Makin menjadi-jadi plak malas nye. Tolong laa. Tu aku malas nk tulis tu. Sbb aku rasa mcm dah byk sangat keja sia-sia aku buat. Ase bersalah plak ngn company aku ni. Ok lah. Aku dpt mood sket bile sebut perkataan bersalah tu. hehe.chow chin chow./

p/s : nk carik keje lain pon malas...huarghhhhh...

November 24, 2005

Can This Be True ???

This is the thing that feared me the most. If i would want it to be as once in a lifetime issue, i have to do at least like this. But if i want it to be simple, i don't know, what is the simplest way to cut down costs. It is a strangling issue, if i'm not ready to face it, then i'm not ready to get it, isnt it?

This is just about getting there, not being there yet. And that would be another episod of this. hehehe......

Any comments? If you are so nice, the greates, maybe you can say something to my crazy mind...hehehe..thanks to drop by....

October 26, 2005

Selamat Hari Rayer....

Slamat Hari rayer sumer...ampunkan la salah silap aku slame korg kenal aku.....aku tau aku ni jahat....ati busuk..........aku harap korg maaf kan aku ye.....hehehehe

slamat berhari raya sumer.......smoga happy disamping keluarga dan sanak saudara......:D

October 20, 2005

When That Time Comes....

First of all happy ramadhan for everybody.

This ramadhan, i think we have heard more sad things than before. The loss of known people that we know. I am not quite remembering the names, but the latest one, is the wife of our current prime minister. While we were laughing and enjoying our break fast, someone out there is in grief.

The most saddest bereavement that i have read was, the death of 8 years old girl who was trapped inside a burning house while her parents were out for work. She was fast assleep when neighbours shouting for her and her brother to save their life. And fire was wildly burning their home. Nothing can be done. Her brother failed to save her as she was falling to the ground while running away. The air was stiff and her brother failed to find her and she was found burned after the fireman manage to put away the flames. it was a heartbreaking chronicle, but it was faith.

I remember lossing my grandmother long time ago. I was 10 that time. I couldnt understand why my mother is crying. I am sad too. But i cant cry. I was looking when my mother was washing my grandmother's dead body. And i saw my grandmother eyes was a little open, as if, she was looking at me. And then i saw my grandmother youngest son, he couldnt understand a bit. He was still very young. And i felt a deep stab at my heart. My eyes became wet all of the sudden. I cant see anymore. As they call me to kiss my grandmother goodbye. I couldnt bare, but cried. She was helping me to put 'inai' on my hand, about a month before she passed away. I remember, i was looking at my hand, and the inai was still there. It was a sad memory to remember. And i kept dreaming about my grandmother, even until my grandfather passed away about 7 years after. They left 9 children and all of them already independant now. They had done all the good things. The sadnest should be replaced by gratefullness of the goodness that had pour to or family at this moment. We are still together, celebrating the Hari Raya together and remembering the loss of our family.

That is all i can speak about the loss i had expirience. I know how sad people might feel. I feel sorry for our Prime Minister, Dato' Seri Abdullah. I hope he can cope with the loss and he could still be strong to conduct our country. For me, he is our life saver for all the damage Dr Mahathir had cause our country. Dont try to push my anger in politic, cause you might not like it. I hope this loss give meanings to something. I'm just praying for a smoother way for the dead to face the life after the death.

And my script for today, ends here. Al Fatihah.......

October 19, 2005

I'm A Brown Panther!!??

You are Brown Panther, who is gentle, kind, warm and friendly. You don't get influenced by people around you, and can keep your own pace of doing. You have high self-esteem, and are person of strong will.
Although you really are a kind person, people regard you rather obstinate(Stubborn); this is because you are not very good at expressing yourself. If you can make the others know this weakness, you will certainly be more trusted.
You dislike being restrained, and wish to stay and act freely. You are an independent person, and do not mind being alone. You will be successful by going into a professionalcareer.
You have extremely high ideals, and rich sensitivity.
You can not stand compromise, and therefore, may struggle between reality and ideals.
You are a person who can grow to become a greater person by overcoming many failures and difficulties, so don't grave over your little mistakes. It is sometimes important to have a big heart and take a "so-what "attitude.
You are a hard person, and can be too critical.
People have their faults, so don't dwell upon little things too much.
When you start a family, you will take an equal stance to your husband. And you wish to keep your job even after your marriage.

***I think all the things in bold is true...;)

October 13, 2005

Semangat Yang Hilang

After 10 days, i feel like writting again today.

I'm so out of the mood for anything....i cant feel my soul...Where is it?.....Something is not right.....I dont know wht.....If they say, i dont belong into this field i'm taking......So where do i belong? I know i'm the only one who can answer the question...silly la if i even try to ask anybody else kan. But that is the case, I DONT KNOW lah...heehehe.........

My head felt heavy...The easy job i can do for 2 minutes became 2 hours or now i can say, more than 2 days...Hahahah.....Ramadhan tingy ke? I dont think so. Maybe i slept too much kot. After 11pm I went to sleep. Then 430 i wake up to help my mother prepare the dishes. After 6ooam i went back to sleep and wake up at 730. And then i felt this big head ache in my head. Owwww...Why is it have to be working days.....hehehe

Even though i dont want to wake up, but i kept dreaming weird dreams lately. Even if i want to sleep more, but myself personally cant take it anymore all those weird dreams. Weird looo..No hantu or setan this month kan? But why do i feel, (well the drimz is like normal me in my normal room la)..I feel like somebody holding my hand. Somehands la.. The face i dont see, but the hand i remember looking so scary. It's holding my hand and trying to grab me somewhere i dont know la kan. And then, ada tu i'm eating something weird la.. Ahh a dream only...The dream will start after 600am yg i tido tu la..Weird kan. hehehe

Okla..I think i demam kot...Kepale pening je ni. Chewah, mcm ngadu kat pakwe je..huhuhu....Ok la...gtg ...anyhow the job must be ready by hari raya.....babai whoever who is willing to read....muuaahhh..heheheheh

October 04, 2005

I'll Keep It Short, But Nice.....

I just feel like writting in english today.....

Hehe. My life doesnt have anything to be proud of. I'm just nothing for anybody to look up for. But i think, i got something in life that i should appreciate and love. For a reason, these things gave meaning to my life.

Life wasnt about getting something and live happily ever after with it. But for me, as for my case, life is more into achieving something with someone i love and care. To achieve that, what i need is to stand on my own feet, bravely, patiently and strongly. Which is not who i am at the first place.

I was born, spoiled. My parents lead my way all the time. They helped me up all the way. And when there is a chance for me to be on my own, i take it too hard. I dont know if i could make it right most of the time.

My expirience, i did failed to nailed my future. Hehe. I got here. I gain trust from everybody. But actually i have nothing. And i could break and fall anytime. Trying as hard to maintain it, hurts me so much. So much that i hope god would take me away from everybody. So i can stop hurting, betraying or running away from them.

I am a girl, who always running away from anything that hassle me. When my feet is tied up, i couldnt run. And i couldnt bare to stay. I felt mislaid. I couldnt feel my soul. I lost it. I dont know what i need. I dont know what i want. I couldnt even make a plan. To get away from this. All i did was, crying...:'(. So pathetic and hopeless of me.

But at the end of the day. I feel something new inside me. I know why i am crying. I know where i am, that's why i know that i'm lost. All i need to do now is finding my way to go through it. Just so i appreciate it more, god just make it hard for me to get it. Just so i stand on my feet strongly, god make me down. Pushing and pulling my fate. Just so that, when i know where i am standing. I will not easily falls.

And that is life. It is hard. But there is light somewhere around me. I should be seeing it, if i want to. Even the saddest person in the world could smile for at least a bit. but the smile worth everything a life could offer.

My conclusion. Love you life, your soul and the ones that love you. ;)

September 19, 2005

My Bro...Huhu

He was so brave.........Along hope you will make it there my lil bro...huhu

September 18, 2005

Epistaxis - Nose Bleeding

This evening, my brother Faidz's nose was bleeding. I am so worried because that was not the first time. I was doing some read up and found out that i was handling it wrongly. I should let his head up instead of letting him lie down. And press his soft-front-part-of-nose for 5-10 minutes.

I was so horified to found out, this may be the symptom of acute leukimia. But as far as me and my mother is concern, i dont think my brother was exposed to any of leukimia relatives or chemical reaction of any but does that includes of my smoking father or some inappropriate medicine my mother could have gave him. I dont think my mother would give any of insuitable medication to him.

But his bleeding stops less than 1 minutes. That should be a normal sign for a hypeactive child in the house. Well who doesnt have hyperactive kids nowadays. Hehe.

So i note down this notes just so i could refer it back if my brother's nose bleed again.

- Atherosclerosis->for older people("hardening of the arteries")or infections, high blood pressure and blood clotting disorders, or they may be taking drugs like aspirin that interfere with blood clotting.

- Frequent nosebleeds may mean you have a more serious problem. For example, nosebleeds and bruising can be early signs of leukemia. Nosebleeds can also be a sign of blood clotting disorders and nasal tumors (cancerous and non-cancerous).

- Tips on preventing nosebleeds

  1. Keep the lining of your nose moist: Gently apply a light coating of petroleum jelly (brand name: Vaseline) inside your nose with a cotton swab twice a day.
  2. Keep children's fingernails short to discourage nose picking.
  3. Counteract the drying effects of indoor heated air by using a humidifier at night in your bedroom.
  4. Quit smoking. Smoking dries out your nose and also irritates it.
  5. Open your mouth when you sneeze.

- Dryness of your mouth

- Rarely, the bleeding may be due to a problem that prevents the child's blood clotting properly. This can be confirmed by a blood test.

- Nose bleeding can be caused by:

  1. Local problems: cancer in the nose, physical injuries of the nose, broken skull, tuberculosis, inflammation of the sinus area like common cold, or bleeding after surgeries and thinning of the mucus membrane by long term usage of nasal sprays of steroids.
  2. Systemic problems: acute leukemia, hemophilia, or aplastic anemia, excessive muscle tension, blood vessel problems like hypertension, hardening of the blood vessels, heart diseases that increase the pressure in the veins, lack of vitamin K, long term usage of blood anticoagulants like warfarin, aspirin etc.[Risk factors for acute leukemia include Down syndrome, a sibling with leukemia, and exposure to radiation, chemicals, and drugs]
  3. High altitude, cold and allergy can also cause nose bleeding.

________________ ______________________

Oookay...Thanks about a bit unhappy story. Lets move on to a happy but i have to keep it short cause i need to do something ni. hehehe...

My younger brother Khalid just fly to London this morning. He went there this morning, my parents and my father's sister and husband and kids, come for the farewell. I can see his sad face to go. This is his country. I can see, but this is for the best right?

I was almost crying to see him walk to leave us behind. I dont know why. My brother. My younger brother is going away. I know my mom loves him so much. And i can see her sad eyes too. She was concern and worried. And so is my father. I have a slightest regret sending my brother today. I hope i didnt see him walking away. But thinking if i didnt get up and follow this morning, i would definately be getting up and realizing he was long gone. I would have been so must hurtfull if like that isnt it?

I know, this is for the best. He would bring back sweet memories. And proudness for my parents. Everybody will be looking up. And high. I know there is so much burden on his shoulder at the moment. But by walking there, so bravely and never looked back. I know he is ready to go.

There was a few obstacle by gong there. MONEY. My father only provide him 50pound. I know if we convert to RM it would means RM350. But 50pound? I imagine my self on the 1st day, holding 50ringgit. It was not enough. Lucky i had some saving. But my brother? new country, no malaysian banks. No credit cards. What could he do if something happens? Ohh....i think i should stop worrying about him. But this situation made me stop from hoping or even fantasising about going there to further my study. I felt a little unaffordable. hehe. I know it is better than nothing. But you are so far away. That is all you have. And that is what concern me so much.

Ok I Thing that was all about it today. I need to go. Happy reading.;)

September 16, 2005

real pic

I'm already been sending this for a zillion time.....i hope this will work...:D

September 15, 2005

Say U'd Make it right.....

For me, as a person, the matter of being right all the time, is not important than trying to be as perfect as we can all the time. Not that, we want everything to be perfect, is the struggle that really matters. Say what? Everyone can say whatever they like. But can you try to do what everyone else is doing? Of course you can. But can you make it as perfect? That is another question, only yourself can answer. And it depends on time consuming, on luck sometimes.

I am so sick at those people who always think that they are on the right track. Who told people that they are believing the right thing. And force people believe the same. And take other people opinions, thoughts or doubts as useless, meaningless. And the people who had been given different thought should jump into a deep shit or something like it. I know, i have my own head. Even my mom wont agree with me sometimes. But i dont try to make her to agree to me. I let her believe what she likes. She or anyone elses around me. And the time will tell, whoever it is on the right track or not. Ok i admit, sometimes, i do shouts and fights for my thoughts. I shouts and fought just so everyone know, i dont believe you, i've seen pretty much picture in my head well enough, and i dont believe you. Give me picture, show me proof, and i will stand there, i will apologize if you want. But you got no proof besides your saliva all the way around everybody who is standing at the back of you ass. huh! Too much people. too much.

If it is your luck, you can manage to get it as perfect. Than it is all yours my friend. Not everybody is as lucky as you are. So stop bragging around my shoulder and try to make me look stupid. Huh! (one more time)

Yes, i know, we have religion. Our religion believes' is like that. I had no doubt in that. Is just that, things is not as easy as what we thought it is. To many things will come along the way. If not i wont feel as hard as i'm feeling right now. If you were so right, tell your friend, which is my boyfriend, to come to my house and talk to my parents. Would him dare to do that??!! no i dont think so. So it is really so simple and easy like you said? You think so? Well i dont. Bluh huh!

And that is about a species of human that exist. There is a lot out there. Oh god i couldnt stand a bit anymore! And a lot more other pain in the ass species that sure does bite me...I mean my life and anger of course..:p

September 08, 2005

NEW LOGO....bad name DINO...badddd...hehe

Ha ni la LOGO baru..sbenanye lg lame sket dr logo smlm........

ha ah la..nmpk cm bebudak...lg best smlm tu..sinonim la kan dgn kite sume pon dh ada tpp...hahahahaha.......THIS IS DESIGNED by DINO.......the dinoshhh.....muahahahahahaha

September 07, 2005

MY Team New tak??

September 06, 2005

Untuk Terakhir Kali

Untuk Terakhir Kali - Marsha

Lagu : Sharon Paul
Lirik : Mukhriz

Mencintai dirimu
Untuk yang terakhir kali ini
Lihat ku disini
Setia untuk dirimu

Kasih yang ku belai
Gugur selama-lamanya
Waktu yang memisah
Menghukum luka yang lama terpendam

Kesuraman yang telah menjelma
Dihujani sedihku
Melaratkan kenangan bersama
Diakhir pemergian dirimu

Tinggallah aku menanti
Mimpi yang indah kan mewarnai hati
Hanyalah dirimu yang bertakhta dijiwaku dulu
Tak rela meninggal suci kasihmu itu
Bersemadi cinta ku di sini
Biar mekar mengharumi
Andai ada masa kan ku temu........kasih........

Ewah...aku ni mcm nk ckp ape pulak..hehehe..takdela...mood aku skang ni mcm tak tau la nk lepas dgr lagu marsha td....ase mcm satu mcm sayu plak kat dlm hati ni...kui kui kui

sebenarnye aku bace satu article kat internet...pasal seorg pompuan ni...yg dh byk kali menyerahkan kehormatan diri kat lelaki-lelaki durjana yang memang wujud dlm dunia yg fana pada masa skang ni....................tak tau la...nk kesian pon ade...nk jerit bodo kuat2 pon ada.........

tp tu la perempuan...mudah terpedaya...mudah mengalah....demi cinta la konon...terlalu asyik dengan cinta...dh byk kali kene tipu...masih lg bagi peluang kat lelaki....aku bukan kata semua perempuan...dan aku pon tak mengecualikan diri aku...mgkin kalu aku jadi perempuan tu...aku pon mgkin bole terjebak...nauzubillah.....aku harap tak......wpon aku ni suke lawan ckp mak aku....ayah everytime aku nk buat sesuatu yg bodo tu...aku akan teringat jasa2 diorg...aku harap tuhan lindungi lah kite semua......

wpon kite tak sepatutnye membenarkan diri aku terperangkap dengan nafsu nafsi yg wujud disekeliling kita bende2 ni....bkn senang nk elak.......tambah lak...kite dh sayang org tu......honestly la....bkn nk bukak pekung di bile dh sayang org tu........kite mmg mcm bernafsu ngn org tu...tinggal lagi tahan nk kontrol atau tidak je...huhuhu...........

article2 cmni..slalu dtg dr empunya badan yg dh berpengalaman...ayat default diorg....mule2 pegang tgn...pstu cuit2.....pstu cium2....pstu....tttuuuuttt....heheheheheh.......

kire ade level gak la......kalu tros terjah tu...mgkin kes rogol la kot...hehehehe........

ntah la..........aku ngeri gak bile bace....dan aku tak nafikan...aku pon tak pecaye ngn diri aku kadang2....tapi kadang2......aku tak suke ade org byk2...bia aku ngn dia je.......mcm2 aku bole ckp ngn aku tak sedar...bila kitrog bedua....bkn kitrog yg bckp bende lain yg bercakap.....hmmmmmmm...........

aku bckp pasal bende ni bkn ape...aku takot...risau........skang ni aku bole la kate...aku yakin ngn ape pilihan aku masa dpn...ketentuan Allah....kalu bkn jodoh aku mcm mana? aku sedih sgt.........bkn aku nak piki bkn2, tapi kalu bole...bile jd sesuatu tu...bialah aku mampu hadapi nye........

Kalau bole...memangla aku taknak la....makin lame....makin aku pon tak sure lagi ape yg aku piki............

setengah org kate..malas nk piki bile kite tak piki....bile terjadi sesuatu yg tak di ingini...kompom kite nyesal sbb tak piki panjang...bile piki.....asek jumpe jln buntu lak kan....mcm2 hal......hehe.....

aku bkn la nk merungut dgn kehidupan aku ni...aku bersyukur sgt...alhamdulillah....aku rasa.....aku masih mampu bertahan.....aku masih bernafas...aku masih bole merasa ape yg org lain bole rasa..........

Tapi bile petang2 mcm ni terfikir.....i cant stop from feeling scared, feared....mcm2 la...hehehehe..ntah ape2 je....

wokeh la..thanks for reading...chow chin chowzzzzz.....

kepada semua..selamat menyambung kerja....kalu dh nak balik...selamat balik.....baik2 memandu tu...hehehehe........


August 30, 2005

HAPPY BESDAY my abg...hehehe

August 29, 2005

Honeymoon Pakage

We offer the following room types, and associated rates.

Rates are per room, quoted in Ringgit and inclusive of service charge and Government tax (if applicable).
(Unless otherwise stated)

Honeymoon Package
Valid from 20 Feb to 31Oct 2005

Room Type

3D/2N Package Rate

Seaview Suite

RM 500 nett per couple

  • Room rates are nett in Ringgit Malaysia and inclusive of 10% service charge

  • Rates subject to change without prior notice

    The Honeymoon package is inclusive of:

  • Complimentary buffet breakfast for 2 adults
  • Welcome drink upon arrival
  • Welcome fruits
  • One romantic set dinner for 2 by the poolside
  • A bottle of wine
  • Complimentary return airport transfer (A late fee of RM50 will be charged for transfers between 11pm and 7am)

August 26, 2005

Minggu Utk Di Update

1. Akhirnya aku paham gak la, company aku ni buat ape sbenanye...hahaha...dah ujung2 tahun br nak paham.....

2. Aku dh mkn dah Pizza Hut Lava Crust tu, tak de la sedap mane, aku lagi suke Domino's.

3. Ujung minggu ni aku ada test SPA. PTD punye post. Muahahahaha..Aku malas nk wat research...takde mood plak. Dh tak berkobar nk keje goverment. Hehehe.

4. Emmm ape lg ek. Mggu dpn beday pakwe aku ngn beday member aku Puan Siti Hannan. lepas ni ibu siti hannan lak...hehehe...Ko nak anak ko pggl ape nan? Umi? Mak? Mama? Ibu? eheehe...Aku preferrrr...ntah ler...takde mood gak nk piki...hehehe

5. Aku ade bj baru mak aku beli dr Bandung. Kaler merah. Just nice with my taste. Aku sukee...hehehe.......

6. Dah pukul 539, aku tak balik lg, kesian ngn budak baru opis ni balik sorg2. Bos call die tak kasi balik..ish ish ish....takpela...ujung2 kang aku chow chin chow la.

ok la..tu je kot...hihihihi

August 18, 2005

My Current Delicrazy (tp tak mkn lg..:D)

Akan Cinta Itu...

Posted by Picasa

Cinta itu, datang dari hati
Lahir dengan tulus
Punya sebuah kemahuan
Punyai setiap keinginan

Rindu itu, hadir tanpa jemputan
Sejak kenal ia di sini
Sejak itu tersedari
Wujud cinta dalam hati

Cinta itu, yang terzahir hanyalah kilauan
Yang terlindung itu tiada penjelasan
Kamar hati melaung sepi
Telah terpahat tanpa luahan
Dalam diam ia mekar
Bercambah, mewujudkan manis, menghadirkan mimpi
Namun dalam mimpi datang realiti
Yang pahit untuk ditelan
Yang pedih untuk dibuang
Teramat sakit andai disentuh

Namun mimpi itu, Impian hakiki
Kepada tuhan doa dipanjatkan
Impian yang satu itu
Walau payah dan penuh kesulitan
Demi kasih, Demi cinta ini
Ia tetap berkembang
Realiti akan bersatu
Mimpi akan jadi kenyataan

Janji itu, aku pegang
Demi sebuah kepercayaan

Biar cinta ini
Kekal dalam lindungan
Biar hubungan ini
Biar satu hari
Yang mimpi jadi pasti
Biar pahit ini disimpan
Jadi sempadan
Biar sakit ini
Jadi peringatan
Dan realiti itu
Lebih kita hargai
Biar ia jadi satu doa
Dan kita bukan bermimpi lagi.....

kesekian kalinya..aku jiwang lagi....heheheheeh

August 12, 2005

Jerebu Jerebu Jerebu

Ku lihat awan mendung
Matahari pun tak nampak sinarnya
Lampu jalan menyala dalam terang dalam tak
Hambar perjalanan pergi dan balik kerja
Kenderaan pon kurang
Takde siapa lagi nak berebut 'lane' macam selalu
Bagi hon brengsek bila aku potong
Potong aku balik, mentang-mentanglah aku perempuan
Mentang-mentangla kereta aku kancil je, takde power
Aku tukar SAVY kang baru tau..hehehhe

Adik aku pinjam kereta aku haritu
Die langgar tepi kereta orang, calar dah WKQ aku...huhuhu
Ase berat je bila mak aku sound suruh gi cat/ketuk
Dalam hati kate, takpelah, ok lagi tu.
Yang pasti sekarang, makin malas aku nak basuh kete
Basuh2 pon, cmtu gak
Tak cun gak

Hartu harga minyak naik lagi
Kalu selalu 200km, rm20
Skang rm20, 150km die dh merah2
Aku lempang jugak kang meter ni..ehehe
Tapi kalau aku tak isi kang, tak pegi keje la aku

Semangat ni aku datang kerja, nak buat kerja la konon nye
Brrrp...Bosannyeee...ape nk buat aaa?????
Tula, sape suruh siap kan awal2, kan dh takde keje
Tp selagi tak siap, selagi tu aku pening kepale
Bile dh siap, aku pening gak
Tu pon aku dh slow motion kan kerja aku
Aku siap bole delay 2 3 jam nak install
Semata-mata tak nak stay back

Aku selalu pikir
Bos aku ni kan, ape kah sebab utama die hire aku ah?
Kalau ku tau begini jalan cite aku
Baik aku stay keje dulu
Tak pon aku amik offer yg lagi satu
Gaji pon bole tahan masyuk
Kerja pon yang aku tau nak buat
Maybe bosan sikit kene ajar orang
Tp janji mase depan terjamin

Aku bukan malas nk wat keje
Aku tak pandai nak pandai2

Malam tadi aku mimpi pelik
Eh bukan malam tadi, malam sebelum tu
Aku mimpi aku kat jalan raya
Aku tgh bertenggek kat tepi tol
Kire nak bayar tol la ni
Tapi aku takleh nak bayar
Sebab takde duit
Lame aku piki
Nak blah tak sedap ati, yelah duit org
Mak bapak aku memang tak ajar aku amik duit orang
Even mende camni pon mmg aku susah ati la kan
Aku tak sedap ati
Nak bayar takde duit

And bile dah pasal duit ni
Aku memang tak reti nak mintak kat org
Melainkan mak ayah aku sendiri
Sekarang ni pulak aku dah keje, dah lama aku tak mintak duit diorg
Almost 2 years jugak laa
Itu something yang aku bole bangger ngn diri aku

But anyway, so aku tak tepiki kat sesape pon aku nak mintak tolong
Aku pening sorg2 kat situ
Susah hati sangat
Padahal org kat tol tu dh wat tak port je kat aku
Dan aku bkn dlm kete
So anytime aku bole blah

I wonder why,
Aku tak terpiki kan sesape pon
Even kawan baik aku
Even balak aku

Then aku terjaga
Baru aku sedar, aku tak Isyak lagi
Yelah, aku penat haritu
Penat giler
Kaki aku lenguh
Mata aku pedih
Hidung aku tersumbat
Bibir aku luka sebab kering sgt
Tekak aku kering gak

Aku pon bangun Isyak jap
That time dh kul 3 lebih pagi
Aku geleng kepale je
Sebab kalu aku terus solat dlm keadaan penat tu
Maybe aku asyik pikir katil je
So might as well, aku redakan dulu penat2 aku ni

berbalik kepada mimpi aku tadi
Senang je, susah hati tu sebab tak Isyak
Aku rasa ramai yang rasa mcm aku
Bile masuk soal ibadat ni
Nobody yang korg/aku bole blame/mintak tolong
Melainkan diri sendiri yang tak beribadat..hehe

Ape lagi....
tu je la kot
Ni bkn nak komplen
Tapi just saja2
At least ada something aku tulis dlm mggu ni


August 11, 2005

this one, after the play. Posted by Picasa

Lepas main futsal last 2 weeks kot...tak igt dah...thanks to DINO for the 7.2 pixel photo...muaahahhaa..buat aku teruja je nk bli camera.......thanks gurlz aja aku cmne nk buang jerawat..nmpk clean sket muke tak nmpk nmpak sgt edit...hahahaha..takpe.....nnti aku edit gambar lain lak........:D Posted by Picasa

touch up photo. hhehehehehe Posted by Picasa
Aku cube publish pakai hello..nnti pasni rajin la aku nk upload gambar...heheheh.... Posted by Picasa

Me and my cayang.. Posted by Picasa

August 05, 2005

Once There is a Will, There will be a Way to it....

I just want to share with everybody....I have encounter problems which i thought imposible to handle yesterday(but i'm not crying...weird!hmmm...). But with the help of my officemate and my dearest friend, Siti Hannan, there is a will to accomplish the imposible today.. Thanks guyss...hehehehe.......

problem aku nk setup IIS je..slame ni aku pakai easyphp utk development ok la...utk production, pening kepale user kang..huhuhuh.....

hehehe..tu je...:p

July 25, 2005

Anybody Who Happened To Drop By Today

Today as in : 26th of July 2005.

I have a big test today. I'm praying to work with government. Hehe. Please pray for my luck to whom that would be so nice to do so for me. Hehe.

I'm gonna be on holiday for two days. Really bored in getting on board each day, just need a time out. See ya in couple of days. Gonna miss ya...Nuhhh...just kidding...

Bye..But dont forget to pray for me kay guys. Love ya all. Thanks!

July 24, 2005

A Car, A Long Way Ahead

I just can't let my self keep quite. I can't just let me be and not writting or feeling anything. Hehe. And i can't stop telling and sharing. I know it is not fine, because, once people know your story, they you are like, being naked in front of them. But i can't stop myselg. Having let me, drag into other people's mind or thoughts. If i'm being laughed at, that there none other than me who is to blame. And tha's that.

However, my topic for today is not about this hanky panky thing. But it is about this nice feeling i had just a while ago. I dont know, it was just so nice and tender inside me, and i fell like i'm floating. And that is what make me sit here and typing in my thoughts.

Havent i thought about this before. It was so nice, sitting next to a person who you know loves you and tried to impress you. The air of the mood that time, was just so plain, so mesmerising. If i am using the word right. This is how far he would go and do for me. As though i'm being his pride or something. And to remember that moment, i remember i scwered it big time. I questioned the road we are facing? And i blame him for doing this, and i not agreed with him on any bit. I cried, so load i could hear his sigh. He has been trying so hard and this is what he gets?

The plain feeling before was nothing but everything that was coming that time blew it off. He never gets on his nerves. He controlled everything so fine. Looking at the atmosphera of our meeting that moment. He tried his best not to join the blow. I knew i kill his excitement so badly that time. I knew and i cried louder because i knew. But i couldn't help myself. The more he thinks he pleased me, he actually making it worse without knowing what exactly that i want.

But that blew off went along. And we did get along fine after that. We did tried to fix it all up and be what we are today. Fortunately.

I tried not to think the bad so much. I tried to bring up all the goodness of everything in what we had left for life. I cant help myself from not crying or not being sad, or accept what ever it is that coming. I cant. So i did cried along the way. Again and again i cried. I felt lost and i felt hurt. But the previouse bleed had healed. The cries is for all the matter that turn out bad for the next moment but it is nothing but spices of life. In other words, it is just plain normal and still happening now.

My point is, the long road we had to face, the long wait, and the long hope we had to put up, does bring sadness and loathe as in despise as in fed up! But we just had and in need to go. This heart this comitment this memory this history, just need to go. As far as it can go. There is no hope though. There just trust and certainty. We have to and we need to!

Along the way, that's where i stopped myself and looked back everytime. Though i always heared my teachers, my parents, my aunts or uncles, told me, never to look back. I was forbid to do so. Though i can't stop thinking about the pass. Not really long at pass, 1 or 2 years back i suppose. And i just need to feel back all the sweet or sour of life i been through. And it is nothing but nice taste of life i bring back. :)

Some friend of mine, telling me, i know where i'm going, what i'm gonna do, i know where i'm standing. I was jealouse. I never know mine. I lead my life the way it goes. I never had plan. I never think of a plan. I use my brain in a very tiny scale than i use my own heart signs. I use my feeling a lot. My senses. My consciousnes. A lot. I know that is bad. No, not good. I live in a fantacy. I can't never do anything right. So i tried to use my head once in a while, and i got this bad head ache. Ouch... That is what you get when you use your head not so frequently. For this paragraph, i dont have a point on nothing. No conclusion. I'm in head ache now to think of something rasional to save this part of me that is broken now. Hehe.

But it is what it is. I am what i am. I feel what i feel. One day i believe someone would hit me on the head and make me think and make me realize. I know someone will, i just dont know when, but i'm not waiting for that. If not, my head will not gets so painful right now. hehe.

I guess that's all for the day. But i just want to make it straight here, that sometimes, even when you think of someone you love, you would be happy enough. They are priceless to your life. So be sure you take a good care of them. Don't let them leaving you. You are nothing without this them. And you know who they were! (mom, dad, my love, my good friends, i just love you guys..hehe..)

July 21, 2005

What I Learned About Life

Hmm..Sebenarnya takde apa nk ckp pon harini. Tapi gatal tangan jugak login. Hehe. Hari ni takde mood nak sambung cerita tu. Tapi aku akan sambung jugak nanti. Aku nak masuk kan sikit, yang sedih, yang gembira, yang action, tapi takde idea lagi beb. Stakat ni nmpak mcm happy ending. Tapi aku ni stereotype, aku suka yang aku suke la. Muahahaha. Tak elok macam ni. Tapi takpe, aku akan cube sedaya upaya untuk buat yg paling ok. Hehe. Apelah aku merepek ni.

Setiap hari aku pegi kerja, aku tak rasa pon aku contribut apa2 pon untuk company aku nih. Dan makin lame, aku jadi makin malas nk buat ape2 pon. Aku risau nih. Aku kadang2 jeles dgn kawan2 aku yang ada je kerja nak buat. Aku pulak. Macam takde kerja. Bos aku jenis, suke buat kerja last minute. Tapi aku pon asek bergantung dengan dia. Ntah la, mungkin effort aku tak cukop lagi kot. Tapi bila die suruh, aku akan pasti kan aku buat yang paling best skali. Wpon aku sendiri tak puas hati. Aku pon tak tau. Aku cepat rasa bosan dengan ape yang aku buat. Aku kadang2 rasa tak sesuai je kerja dalam bidang ni.

Aku rasa susah. Memang la masa belajar dulu aku selalu rasa susah. Dan bila aku rasa susah, aku pon gain 200% effort. Dan aku berjaya. Wpon takde la excell sangat. Tapi aku bangga la jugak. Hehehe. Aku bangga pon nak sedap kan hati je la. Sebab aku tengok orang lain, effort adela dalam 50%, daripada effort aku 200%, tapi diorg punye result, adalah beza paling2 pon dlm 5% je dari aku. Aku tau aku ni banyak kekurangan. And aku memang kena usaha lebih lagi kalu aku nak be better.

Tapi masalah besarnya, aku ada banyak obstacles. Dengan diri aku sendiri. Aku cepat bosan. Bosan, bosan, bosan. Dan bila bosan, apa pon aku takde mood nak buat. Hehe. Bila bosan, aku jadi malas. Sebab bosan, sebab aku gagal capai apa yang sepatutnya aku capai atau aku rasa susah sikit nak capai, and aku bosan. Bila aku diganggu oleh faktor2 ni, aku akan jadi cepat bosan. Aku rasa malas. Dan sebagainya yang negatif. Hehe.

Oklah. Aku cube nak overcome kebosanan aku ni. Sepatutnya tajuk harini ialah 'kebosanan', tapi takpela.. Aku suke dengan tajuk tu. What i have learned about life? I dont know, nothing much i suppose. I'm such a loser...hehe

July 20, 2005

Continiu : Tango Hati

Memandangkan aku diam. Mamat pon mendiamkan diri jugak. Aku tengok die mcm tengah memikir. Mane la nk pegi ni. Ermm. Jam pon dah menunjukkan pukul 6:30ptg. Kalau nak mkn pon, kang tak sempat pula nak maghrib. Kalu sempat maghrib pon kang si mamat ni blur2 sampai maghrib, nak semayang lagi, nak makan lagi, kang balik lambat pulak. Tapi baru pukul 6:30ptg kalau nak ajak sembahyang maghrib.

"Ha, dari tadi diam je. Mamat mcm ckp dengan patung cendana pulak. Ini dah termenung pulak." Eh mamat ni, terperasan pulak aku tengah memikir. Dari tadi aku rasa macam terpusing-pusing, tempat yang sama jerk. Tapi takde pulak jumpa mana-mana tempat nak makan seafood nye. Biar betul si mamat ni.
Eh kereta dah berenti. Tepi laut. Bukan tepi sungai macam yang mamat slalu ajak aku pegi. Memang macam ni ke? Memang lain ke mase kecil-kecil dengan mase dan besar panjang ni?
"Kita jalan-jalan dulu la, apa kata Alia?"
"Ok je. hehe" Opss, dah hilang dah malu. Maklumlah excited, dapat keluar jalan-jalan tempat ala-ala romatik ni dengan orang yang..Herm...Orang yang ape ye?...hehe..

Mamat senyum je bila mula aku bukak mulut. Aku nampak kulit mamat yang cerah tu kemerahan sikit. Aik, takkan die pulak jadi malu bila aku bersuara.

Lepastu kitorg pon jalan-jalan dekat tepi laut tu. Angin menderu macam kuat jugalah. Sampai tudung yang aku pakai pon dah entah kemana-mana. Tapi aku tetap cuba control ayu. hehe.

"Mamat...." Aku rasa bosan pulak diam. hehe.
"Ye, ada apa tuan puteri?" Alamak, mamat ni buat muka aku rasa panas je. Walaupon panas, tapi tak sama masa aku nampak kepala mamat berdarah dulu. Memang dah lama kejadian tu, tapi aku tak bole lupe. huhu.

Aku jawab ringkas je pertanyaan mamat tu. Aku jelir lidah, lepas tu aku cubit pinggang mamat. Spontan je tingkah-laku aku tu. Manja sikit dari sebelum ni kot. Hehe. Mamat gigit bibir die. Macam terkejut dengan kespontanan aku tu. Lepas tu aku pon terdiam jugak. Lepas aku perasan, aku tertenung muka mamat. Tadi kitorang due-due berpandangan, sekarang kitorang due-due berpaling. Malu la rasanya. Lepas tu, kitorang jalan je. Tak cakap apa-apa.

"Alia, rasa-rasanya, mamat ni jahat sangat ke. Tinggalkan kawan baik mamat macam tu aja?"
Hai mamat, nasib baik ko mamat, kalau ko bukan mamat, mungkin aku nak cepuk je ko tanya soalan macam tu.
"Entah la mamat" Aku senyum lepas bagi jawapan.
"Alia marah dekat mamat ke?"
"Takdelah, takde apa yang nak dimarahkan." Bukan aku nak berbasa basi pulak dengan mamat, tapi aku tak nak la panjang-panjangkan hal-hal yang lepas. Lagipun kan, mamat dah ada balik depan mata aku sekarang ni. Tapi hati ni tak puas lah. Entahlah ape lagi yang tak cukop. Rasa lagi berat adalah. Kenape ye?
"Tapi, kenapa Alia tak macam dulu? Bila mamat cakap, Alia diam je"
"Hehe" Aku buat senyum kambing. Hai kau ni mamat. Tak paham ke. Aku ni malu..MAlu la..tau tak. Tapi aku cakap dalam hati je. Hehe.
"Selama ni, mamat duduk bandar, mamat berazam, mamat nak blaja sungguh-sungguh, mamat nak balik kampung dan mamat nak jumpa puteri idaman hati mamat. Sebab tu, mamat takde masa nak balik. Mamat rindu nak jumpe Alia, tapi mamat kene kotakan cita-cita mamat ni. Itu lebih penting"

Kecik ati aku mamat. Ko lebih pentingkan puteri idaman ko tu? tapi ntah-ntah puteri tu aku jugak. haha. Ko mana ada minat perempuan lain. Tak pernah aku dengar pon. Kalu ada pon, msti aku tau. Tapi, eh aku ni betul ke?

"Sebagai kawan, Alia tak kisah kan, korbankan diri untuk kawan sendiri?"
"Err..tak sikit pon tak. Janji mamat dah ada depan alia sekarang. Lame kan, kita tak jumpe?"

Haa..bukan aku la puteri tu. Kalau tak kan la mamat kat aku ni 'sebagai kawan',mesti die kata 'sebagai puteri'. Huhu. Kecik ati aku mamat. Baru aku tau. Aku sebenarnya suka dekat kau. Dari mula kita kenal, kita kuar pegi sungai sama-sama. Aku dah tau kenape aku punye muka rasa panas. Panas dekat hati sebenarnya. Aku dah tau kenape aku asyik teringat pasal kau. Hati aku yang rindu sebenarnye. Tidak..Tidak. Kenape la aku tak tau. Kau sebenarnye ada puteri idaman hati. Huhu

"Alia cuma malu je. Dulu mamat budak comot. Sekarang ni dah besar, macho pulak. hehe"
Aku mula berbasa basi. Lepas mamat diam je. Aik kenape mamat macam sedih je? Tak nak, aku tak nak tanya pasal puteri idaman kau tu mamat. Aku kecik ati tau. Aku tak nak tanye. huhu.

"Mamat pon malu jugak mulanya. Siap kene berdepan dengan ayah Alia lagi. Tapi mamat ok je."
Eh eh mamat ni. Dia ni memang nak kene luku la. Suka hati dia je. Aku pon sengih je la. Sengih malu tambah bengang sikit. Yela, dah aku malu, nak buat macam mane kan. Tapi kenape aku nak malu?

"Eh tadi mamat kata nak bawak makan seafood?" Dari diam je, baik aku cakap sesuatu.
"Tak jadi la, mamat mana biasa makan seafood. Alia baru tau ke?" Eh eh mamat ni. Dia macam saje je nak suruh aku marah.
"Mamat jangan nak bergurau dengan Alia eh." Aku pon menunjukkan kemarahan aku. Tak puas ati ni. Dari tadi macam saja nak mengenakan aku.
"Eh marah pulak, kenape tiba-tiba tuan puteri ni marah pulak?"
Ha ah kan, dari tadi dok bertuan puteri dengan aku. Yahoo..aku la tuan puteri tu. hehe.
"Yela, tadi mamat dh tau Alia tak suka makan seafood, mentang2 la Alia diam je, mamat kata nak bawak pegi seafood. Lepas tu mamat pertikaikan pulak Alia cakap Alia malu. Lepas tu ni nak buat Alia lagi malu. Lepas tu....Err.. Lepas ni"
Alamak, mamat tgh tenung muka aku la. Panasnye muka aku. Panas.
"Ah malas la nak cakap dengan mamat ni. Baik Alia pegi semayang dulu, maghrib dah nak masuk ni"
Aku dah mati kutu tak tau nak buat ape sebenarnye.
"Alia...."Mamat pegang tangan aku. Sejuk tangan dia. Kenape yek?
"Mamat dah simpan angan-angan ni sejak hari terakhir mamat jumpe Alia masa kecik-kecik"
Aku nampak ada cincin kat tgn mamat. Eh sejak bila pulak ada cincin ni. Tau-tau je cincin tu tersarung kat jari manis aku.
"Sudi tak Alia jadi pemaisuri hati mamat? setelah sekian lame, Tuan puteri alia bertahta dalam hati ni? Kalu tak sudi, boleh la bukak cincin tu balik. hehe"
Wah dia macam yakin je aku nak except die kan? Muka aku rasa panas sangat. Mata aku jadi kabur tiba2. Aku pejam mata. Aku rasa ada air mengalir kat pipi.

"Mamat tau tak, Alia rindu dekat mamat. Alia rasa sunyi tanpa mamat. Mamat tau tak"
"Tau sayang... Tuan puteri.Eh silap, tuan pemaisuri...Maafkan patik ye"hehe. Pandai buat lawak ye mamat ni.

Sejak dari haritu, aku selamat jadi tunang kepada Ahmad Ishak bin Ibrahim. Alia binti Musa bakal menjadi puan tak lama lagi. Eeee sukanya. hehe.

****to be continiued...takde idea lagi...

July 19, 2005

Tango Hati

the post i think about for so long, think of something else, rather than myself......this is not about me.....

Tango Hati

"Alia, mari sini kita balik, apa tunggu lagi"

Aku tengok je Mamat. Dengan singlet comot die. Dengan dahi dia dah berdarah tu. Mamat pon tengok je aku. Aku pon tak berape pasti, ape perasaan aku mase tu. Tapi yang aku pasti, aku biar je mata ni tengok je dekat mata Mamat. Macam tunggu die cakap sesuatu. Atau macam ada sesuatu yang aku tunggu dari dia.

"Balik la dulu, aku ok je ni..."

Aku pon mengalah. Aku pon melangkah kaki, pergi dapatkan Mak. Sampai je aku dekat mak, ha dapat la habuan sebab degil sangat. Mak baru balik kerja la tu. Kerja dekat kilang buat kerepek. Nampak peluh mak pon tak berenti keluar lagi.

"Adoh..sakit la mak"

Mak diam je, malas dah nk bebel kat aku la tu.

Sampai rumah, macam robot. Tak yah kena suruh. Aku terus angkat kain kat ampaian. Terus lipas, simpan dalam almari. Aku amik penyapu, sapu serambi. Mak pulak, tengah sibuk2 kat dapur. Msti nak siapkan masak sebelum ayah balik nanti. Siap kemas rumah. Aku baru nk tekan punat tv. Sekali aku nampak mak tercongok depan pintu dapur. Mata dah menjegil dah. Aku pon letak remote control atas meja, buat2 kemas surat khabar semalam.

Lepas tu aku masuk bilik, amik tuala dan pegi mandi.

Sambil mandi aku teringat kat mamat. Beriya2 sungguh die tunggu aku balik dari sekolah, semata2 nak ajak aku mandi sungai. Padahal aku ni perempuan melayu terakhir, tapi mamat suka ajak aku teman die buat nakal sekeliling kampung. Mamat pon tak sedar yang die macam suke sangat kawan dengan aku. Ape yang die suke sangat tu pon die tak tau agaknye.

Bile kitorg dah sampai kat tepi sungai tu. Nampak air sungai macam deras. Aku mati2 suke. Barula thrill aku kate. mamat pulak mati2 tak kasi. Die ckp kalau die mati takpe, kalu aku mati, die yang susah. Ke situ pulak mamat ni. Tapi aku degil ni. Aku pon buat aksi nak terjun. Aku buat aksi je, acah2 mamat. Walaupon aku degil, tapi cakap2 mamat, aku biasenya tak bantah. Ntahla kenape, aku dengar jugak cakap die.

Tapi malang tak berbau, aku baru action, mamat dah lompat dulu. Konon2 die nak tahan aku, tak kasi masuk air. Tapi, kaki die yang tak pakai selipar tu, tergelincir, terpelecok langgar batu besar. Ape lagi darah pon meleleh. Aku ase muke aku panas semacam bila nmpak darah mamat. baru aku nak pegi dekat mamat. Aku pon dengar jeritan mak. Alamak, kantoi aku harini.

Tapi mungkin mak dah agak aku ikot mamat. Mesti mak tau dari dollah mulut kalah mulut murai tu aku ikot mamat masuk utan, pegi tepi sungai. Ampeh nye dollah. jaga kau kat skolah esok.

"Alia, ayah dah balik, ayah nak mandi pulak tu. Apelah yang die buat dalam bilik air tu sampai dah nak maghrib ni?"

Alamak, ayah dah balik, sebelum mak berceloteh dengan lebih panjang, baik aku undur diri dulu. Esok jelah kita sambung ye mamat. hehe. macam la mamat dengar kan.

Masa makan, macam biase la. Ayah repot kat mak ape yang die jumpe mase kat tmpt kerja harini. Banyak betul orang sakit datang klinik kerajaan. hari2 pon banyak orang, tak pernah nye yang sikit. Mak pulak, cerita, tuan kerepek die dah kembangkan perniagaan, makin banyak tempahan masuk. Nak tambah org baru la ape la. Bla bla bla. Tibe2

"Alia dah buat kerja sekolah? Mesti tak buat, main je tau" Ayah dah mula nak bukak topik aku pulak.
"Tu la bang, tadi die hampir nak masuk dalam air sungai deras dengan si mamat" Mak ni memang suke menyampuk tau. Kata aku dalam hati jela. hehe.
"Alia, alia, kan ayah dah kata, nak main boleh, tapi jangan nak bunuh diri."

Ayah memang best, nak marah pon cool je. Aku senyum je kat ayah. Ayah senyum balik, kenyit mata lagi kat aku. Dalam ramai2 orang kampung, ayah sorg je sokong aku kawan dengan mamat. hehe. Suke aku dgn ayah.

Mamat anak yatim. Ayah dia baru meninggal. Die duduk menumpang rumah atuk dengan nenek dia je sekarang. Mak die hidup lagi kalau tak salah. Tapi tak tau pegi mana. Ayah mamat dulu kerja kutip biji kelapa kat kampung. Sekarang ni mamat yang amik alih kerja tu. Jadi dia adelah sumber pendapatan nak makan. Atuk dgn nenek mamat, okaylah, tapi orang tua. Mana fikir sangat mamat pergi sekolah ke tak. Mamat memang dah lama tak sekolah. Aku selalu ingatkan mamat, nanti tak sekolah, takde masa depan. Macam mana nk pergi universiti same2? Mamat slalu merajuk dengan aku kalau aku cakap pasal sekolah. Dia cakap, nanti kalau aku masuk universiti, dia takde kawan nak ckp. Aku pon buat lawak, beruk peninggalan ayah die kan ada, cakap la dengan beruk tu. Terus mamat ketawa. Akhirnya tak menjadik jugak aku nak pujuk mamat pegi sekolah.

Aku habis makan, aku capai beg skolah yang aku sadai nak tak nak je kat tepi almari baju aku. Mase aku bergegas nak ikot mamat mandi sungai tadi. Sempat la aku gantung baju skolah, dan tuka baju.

oh ada kerja sekolah rupanya. Karangan. erm. Kalau ikot hati, nak aje aku karang pasal mamat. Mamat oh mamat. Hehe. Aku pon tak tau kenape. Seronot benor aku bercerita ceriteri pasal mamat dalam diri aku sendiri.

"Alia, ada orang cari ni, keluar kejap nak" Ayah panggil aku. Ayah dengan mak dah landing baik punya depan tv. Mak jeling je dekat aku.

"Mamat! Dah ok ke luka tadi. Mintak maaf ye" Sebaik aku jenguk kat pintu, aku dah nampak mamat. aku rase, panas2 kat muke aku, macam menyerbu dekat mata aku bila aku nampak mamat dengan kepala berbalut tu. Tapi aku macam tenang sikit bila nampak mamat pakai baju melayu. Mesti mamat baru balik dari surau. Tapi muka mamat pelik je. Asek pandang tanah. Aku pon tak tau nak cakap ape. Aku tengok je mamat.

Tibe2 mamat tengok aku.
"Alia, mamat......mamat......"
"Ha Alia, mamat, meh sini minum kopi, ada biskut sekali ni" Eh eh ayah ni, kacau daun betul la.
Tapi aku cube senyum2 je kat ayah. mamat mule melabuhkan punggung dekat tepi tangga tanpa di ajak.
"Sejuk je malam ni, kalau ada kopi, sedap jugak kan pakcik?" Mamat beramah mesra dengan ayah aku.
Ayah aku senyum je. Sambil persilakan mamat. Lepas tu ayah hilang disebalik pintu.

"Ha apa yang mamat nk cakap tadi?"
Ah mula la dia diam balik. Biskut kat tangan pon dia pegang je.
"Ehem2...mak mamat, ada kat rumah atok sekarang. Dia bawak ayah baru..."
Aku dah mula sebak dah. Mamat letak kopi dengan biskut dekat tepi. Ayah ni pon satu, buat kopi untuk mamat sorg je.
"Mak nak bawak mamat pegi bandar, sekolah sane"
Lepas tu mamat blah macam tu aje. Aku ni tercongok depan pintu. Lama jugak la aku termenung.

Lepas tu dengan selamber, aku angkat cawan kopi dengan piring biskut masuk. aku bawak ke dapur. Simpan baki biskut dalam talam. Basuh cawan dengan piring. Aku melangkah masuk bilik air, cuci muke, kang ayah dengan mak nampak pulak air mata yang meleleh ni. Ego jugak aku ni. Aku buat tak tahu je.

Aku lalui hari2 tanpa mamat dengan tabah. Ewah, macam la aku ada apa2 dengan mamat tu. Mana ada apa2. Bile aku meningkat remaja. Aku pon dah lupa dengan mamat. Takdela lagi, bila nak buat karangan, aku teringat nak cerita pasal mamat. Mungkin mamat pon dah bahagia dengan mak dia. Die bukan lagi mamat yang pemurung macam masa dengan aku dulu kot. Bila aku buat lawak baru gelak. Mungkn mamat tak rindu pon dengan lawak2 aku. Tapi setiap kali hati ni terfikir pasal mamat. Mata ni ase panas je. Ase cm ada je benda mengalir. Aku rindula kat kau mamat. hehe.

Sekarang, aku dah besar panjang. Aku pon dah berkerja dekat bandar. Bandar tu besar, susah la kalau aku ikotkan hati ni nak carik mamat. Jadi aku kerja je la. Buat macam biasa. Aku buat kerja aku, aku tak kacau orang lain. Aku ada kawan2, aku bersosial jugak. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, aku tak bole nk lupekan mamat. Wpon tak byk kenangan aku dengan mamat. Tapi satu perasaan masa aku kecik2 dulu, yang aku tak bole nak buang tu, aku tak bole nak abaikan tu la, yang buat aku ingat mamat. Orang kata, benda dah lama, dah lapuk dek zaman, dah jauh dek usia, buat pe la nak seksa diri. Itu orang kate. Lagipun takde org yang tau ape yang bergolak dalam hati aku. Orang semua nampak aku ok je. Takde sape nampak mata ni basah sebab terkenang kan mamat. Takde org tau pasal aku, dan perasaan aku dengan mamat. Mamat pon tak pernah tau. Cuma bagi aku, mamat tu istimewa.

Bila aku balik kampung, mase dulu2, balik dari asrama ke, dollah dan kawan2, sebok sakat aku. Dia kata kawan baik aku dah tinggal kan aku. Sekarang dollah yang nakal tak ingat tu. Dah kawin dah pon. Dah ade anak pon. Aku jugak yang single mingle lagi bak kata ayah. Hehe. Ayah dengan mak pon tak sebok2 nak kawin kan aku.

Arwah atok dengan nenek mamat, dah kembali ke rahmahtullah. Setahun dua selepas mak mamat ambik mamat. Sejak dari tu, memang tak pernah mak mamat, bawak mamat balik kampung. Kalu balik pon mase arwah atok dengan nenek mamat hidup, sekejap je. Tapi dapat lak jugak aku, sehelai tudung dengan sepasang kain. Tudung tu dah lunyai pon aku pakai. Sebab tu la tudung pertama aku mase mula2 blaja pakai tudung. Kain tu aku dh buat baju kebarung. Aku buat mase aku dh besar. Sbb mak kata, kain tu tak sesuai utk budak kecik. Kdang2 aku pakai la jugak bila nak pegi kerja. Kain jenis tahan jugakla mak kata.

Mana la aku tak igt pasal mamat. Mamat oh mamat.

"Alia, cuba tengok sapa datang ni?" Alamak, ayah ni tak bole tengok org senang tau tak. Aku tengah sedap2 terbaring2, berangan2 pasal mamat. Aku baru je sampai dengan kereta kiut aku kat kampung. Rase tak sedap badan tadi, mak pon kata aku demam. Ade can aku nak baring2 macam minah kampung. hehe.

"Ma.. Mamat?" terkejut aku.
Mamat sengih je bila nampak aku. Alamak, aku dengan kain batik dengan rambut serabai. Aku igt makcik atau pakcik aku datang ke. Aku terus masuk bilik balik.
"ha duduk la dulu mamat, biar alia bersiap dulu tu" Ayah cakap kuat2. Bagi isyarat dekat aku la tu. Alamak. aku tak mandi lagi. Nak mandi kene keluar. nnti mamat nampak. Alamak. Masam ni. Ahhh sembur je la..hehe.

"Alia, sori la kalau mamat lama tak kontak alia. agaknye alia dah lupa pon dekat mamat"
Aku diam je. Aku malu. Maluu...hehe.
"Alia mmg pendiam ke sekarnag ni?"
Aku senyap je. Aku malu. Maluu.. hehe
"Alia nk makan ape mlm ni?"
Soalan tricky tu. Ermm.. makan ape ye.
"Kita makan seafood nak. Dah lama kita tak mkn same"
Hey...kan dia tau aku tak suke makan seafood. Tp aku diam je. Takpela... malu punye pasal. hehe

*****to be continiued....takde idea plak..hehehe

July 13, 2005

It Has Been A While

hehehe...bertemu kembali kite dlm....BERCERITA Cerita Malaysia....heheheh

lame dh tak update blog nih...ase nk isi sket ade idea..skang dh ilang...muhaahahaha...

haa...aku nk ckp pasal ADLIN yg jd komentator AK......Aku ase, aku sokong komen2 dr die...bahase die mmg pedas and tak pikirkan perasaan org lain.......Well, bg aku, msrkt malaysia ni dh byk dikongkong oleh kebudayaan....Bkn la aku kate..kite ptt buang kebudayaan, atau kebudayaan tu sesuatu yg remeh....No, i'm not saying that...But...Pada aku kita ptt bergerak ke depan....kebudayaan is kebudayaan...kemajuan must survive...sebagai contoh.....ok adlin gune bahasa2 kasar utk memberi komen kat student2 af....komen2 tu buat pelajar2 bukak're not that good man, even though the crowd shouting for must know where you lack of, and dont let yourself leave in the damn...muahahaha...ape aku ckp ni...kirenye...adlin sbenanye bg kate2 peransang...betul ape die ckp tu........the world is never to smooth for you......we know it...just because we like and love af student today, doesnt mean we gonna support them tomorrow...hey...tgk je la ....MAS.........LIZA....wht happened to them? nobody even remember about, the world is harsh....they need harsh people to teach move on.........

tgk je la barat..kenape diorg maju...diorg open....even dlm tv...bole slumber wat lawak kat george kite..kalu ade sape2 kutuk pak lah ke.....mahadhir ke.....ade la yg tak puas yg kutuk tu mmg suffer laa....come on laa........we must have somebody to teach us.....we cant lead our way all the time.......we cant be at the top........we cant be a the top in terms of, if we make mistake......there must be someone we should listen we could realize our mistake...bkn la nk kate jdn la berusaha nk jadi kaya..berjaya...gemilang dan we are human...human make mistake...........bkn la nk kate...dgr la kate2 org sume.........bkn sumer kite kite tapis laa...kite ada otak....mgkin aku salah....mgkn org tu salah tibe2 kite dpt pendapat yg lain sket....kite pon ptt eh...btol ke? mgkin btol kot...mcm adln..die tak ckp ko tu die ckp pon tak menunjukkan org tu bg die ckp...nk bgtau.....ape usaha yg ko buat tu main2......ko ptt lebih berusaha lagi...kalu aku yg dlm pentas tu..sure dh nangis org tak hargai usaha bile aku pikir kali kedua.....hmmm....btol jugak....aku ni wat show syok sndiri...aku ptt piki ape org len nak........

tp tu la aku kate..kite takleh lupe kan budaya kite barat....tgk la betapa hancur nye idop diorg tu.....wpon ade gak yg yg hancur2 tu melampau hancur nye? kite nk jd cmtu ke? inilah namenye cultural shock........bile die dh biase otak die sempit jee.......tibe2 org bukak mate die....shock laaa kite...knape kite tak ptt lupe kan budaya kite? n kenape kite kene bukak minda kite luas2? sbb budaya tu sbg sempadan batasan kite........supaya kite tau......kite tak melangkah jauh meninggalkan tatasusila san keagamaan kite buka minda kite untuk lihat perspektif baru dan majukan diri menteri lak aku ckp ni...whtever it is...pendapat masing2 la kan...hehehe........

tu je la cite yg aku tepiki skang ni.......heheheh

ade gi cite len yg tak best...hehehe........aku menyampah dak opis aku....bodoh......takde baca.....berpikiran mcm org kampung......otak senget........tak profesional.........perasan cantik......mempergunakan org je tau......kwn konon...tak iklhlas sbg kawan...sekian terima kasih........hehehehe......

okla..smpai sini dulu....

June 27, 2005

Berbicara dgn Bulan

aku ni mmg jenis yg kaki tv. hehe. tp tak semua rancangan tv aku tgk. aku tgk kartun. tapi tak semua katun aku suke. hehe. tp aku kadang2 layan gak katun ni. aku suke tgk cite yg berkait ngn perasaan, jiwa, akal. persimpangan, pilihan, dan lawak. tp senario tu tak semua siri die aku suke. buat2 gelak tu bole la. hehe.

sbb tu aku layan sitcom2. diorg ni ade lawak ade perasaan. mcm2 ada.

cerekerama kat tv3 tu. mule2 aku layan gak. mmg la main ngn perasaan. tp dh 3 4 kali SAD ending berturut2. hampeh. tros aku malas nk tgk. kalu tak SAD ending. ending yg tergantung. penonton piki sendiri. kepale otak die. konon2 thrill la tu. hampeh je.

ujung mggu aritu. wpon br dpt gj. tp aku tepiki bulan lepas aku tak simpan duit lansung. so ase besalah nk abiskan duit. hehe. tp aku ade target nk bli jeans. jeans yg aku bli 16.90 dh kembang. takbest dh pakai. ptt la murah, jeans pakai buang upenye. nk bli levis. takdo kojo la plak. bli jename bese2 dh la. jnji takdela kembang dgn secepatnye. sbb nk kuar dh takde jeans dh aku. huhu.

tp ujung mggu ni aku dok umah je. kuar pon mkn2 je kejap. pstu ari sabtu tu ade cite best ptg tu. org len dh tgk, aku br nk tgk. hehe. Berbicara Dengan Bulan. Fuh tajuk je dh buat aku tecongok dpn tv tu. hehe. Cite tu pasal sorg minah ni. Dr kecik suke berangan. Mcm aku kecik2. Pstu main kain batik mak die, buat main kawin2. Eh mcm aku kecik2 gak. Ahahaha....

Tp budak ni bernasib malang la. Mak ayah mati mase die kecik. huhu. pastu die di bela oleh maksu die yg busuk,hodoh n ntah hape2. Nmpk cm tak mandi je, aku suspek msti busuk.. ekekek. So budak ni ala2 cm cinderella la. Slalu la maksu die ni n anak maksu die ni buli budak ni. so budak ni still lg suke berangan cm mase die kecik2 dulu. n bile die berangan. die cite balik la kesedihan yg die alami.

Kat sini la tajuk die ni main peranan. minah ni name die saroja. cm name bunge. tp name india pon ade gak. haha. lawak2. saroja ni suke tulis surat. pstu baling bg kat bulan. suke dok atas bumbung. die ni dok umah flat la. so die baling2 pon. tak kemane surat tu. kebawah jugak jatuh. hehe.

so, pg2, ade mamat ni. name cm bapak ku. amin. amin ni tukang anta sokaba. so pg2. msti die nmpk surat ni kat bawah. die kutip n bace. die slalu bace surat tu. n die nk tau sape kah gerangn nye saroja. best tak begining die? aku ase best. hehe.

so saroja ni keje kilang. bile dekat kilang. ade la anak bos ni. baru balik dr obersea. hensem la. minat kat saroja ni. dlm mase yg same. amin tu tau la saroja tu sape. n satu mlm ni saroja dpt surat dr bulan. punyela die suke. bulan kate jgn bersedih.

tp lame2. die kwn gak ngn amin ni, wpon mule2 jual mhl sket. tp pade mase yg same, bos die name arif pon ngorat die. tp die ase cm die jatuh cinta ngn si arif ni. so die kasi surat kat bulan, bgtau die dh jatuh cinta, amin igt jatuh cinta kat amin la, kan amin bace surat2 utk bulan saroja bengong nih. tp skali amin pon nmpk saroja mesra ngn arif. huhu. bongok tol la saroja ni.

arif ni mmg btol2 tepesona ngn kejujuran saroja nih. so agak baik gak la arif ni. dan dlm mase yg same. ade pompuan ngorat arif ni. tp arif ni tak layan la. sbb dh suke kat saroja. pompuan ni plak, dengki so die fitnah saroja. sblm die fitnah saroja, aku cm isau gak saroja btol2 becinta ngn arif. sbb ciri2 amin tu aku suke. ekeke. aku pulak yg suke. bkn la suke ape. die jatuh cinta dekat diri saroja yg sebenar. as in puisi2 saroja tu. bkn cinta sbb cun. sblm die tau sape saroja lg, die dh jatuh hati ngn surat2 utk bulan tu. bg aku, puisi2 ni mmg dtg dr hati seseorang tu. org yg paham puisi org2 tertentu, org tu la paling dekat ngn org yg buat puisi tu. n aku blom jmpe lg org ni dlm idop aku. maksud aku, seorg lelaki la. hehe. aku pon tak tau, kalu aku jmpe nnti cmne. muahahaha. tp dlm dunia ni ade mcm2 fraud, so aku nye kenyataan ni mgkin tak benar n tak bole pakai kot. ntah bende ni mmg buat aku tersentuh. maksud aku, mase amin jatuh cinta ngn puisi2 yg die bace tu. tp die tak tau sape. huhu..

so saroja td ni kene fitnah. kene fitnah curik brg dlm locker minah2 kilang. sumer org tak pecaye kat die, termasuk arif. menuduh melulu tanpa siasat dulu. sian saroja. yg amin plak, menjauhkan diri dr saroja, sbb dh nmpk saroja ngn arif. huhu. tp saroja ni pelik la, die cm rindu kat amin tu bile amin tu tak muncol, die carik gak la amin tu. hehe.

so saroja settle kan la hal fitnah tu. yg ni aku tak smpt nk tgk sgt tp last2 kene tangkap la org yg buat fitnah tu n terbukti saroja tak slh. si arif tu nk pujuk saroja balik, tp saroja dh blah. so si arif tu tau pasal amin, die carik amin, amin tu tau mane saroja pegi. diorg pon pegi carik saroja. last2 saroja pilih amin. muahaha..suke3..menyemak je arif. ni nasihat aku utk para2 lelaki. kalu suke kat pompuan tu, pastikan ko btol2 suke, jgn sekadar tgk muke je, pstu layan pompuan sambil lewa. hampeh je. nnti ko pon tak bahagia, pompuan tu pon tak bahagia. hehe. pstu amin tu reveal la, sbenanye die yg jd bulan n balas surat saroja tu. huhu. ni paling aku terharu la, wpon aku dh agak dh jugak memule.

sbb org yg buat cite ni, org yg same buat tollgategirl. org ni osman kot name die, die mmg logistik punye org. die takkan buat cite2 mistik. kalu ade mistik2 tu, mesti finally ade logical explaination nye. n die kalu wat sad ending pon, takdela sad ending tak betempat. tp setakat yg aku tgk, sume nye heppy ending. syabas osman, syabas. kalu btol tu la name ko. hehe.

so aku cm bese. bile tgk cite2 cmni, aku reflect balik kat diri aku ni. hehe. ntah la. kadang2 aku ase hidup aku ni cukop sume. kadang2 aku ase byk kekurangannye. bkn aku tak besyukor, tp cm org slalu ckp, nobody is perfect. no life is perfect unless u accept whatever you have. bkn aku tak accept. tp aku ase, life could have been much better dot dot....hehe........

kadang2 aku ase, aku byk wat pilihan yg salah dlm idop. dulu aku tak realize mende ni. tp bile aku look back. aku nmpk balik. pilihan2 ade, tp aku yg buta. bkn la aku nk buang pulak ape yg dh ade kat dpn mate aku skang ni. tp itulah, aku ni tak penah nk puas. kalu aku ni rajin takpe jugak. ni aku pon malas. hehe..n kadang2, aku terlalu sambil lewa ngn org2 yg perihatin kat aku. n skang, aku ase, aku dpt balik ape yg aku dh buat kat org tu. semua pon bebalik kat aku. aku nk menyesal pon dh terlambat. hehe. tp aku cm terkena sumpahan plak.hehe.

well, life ni mmg same ngn kebykkan cite2 melayu. not much to say about happy ending. tp come on la. kadang2 kite perlu berangan2 cm saroja tu jugak. n bg aku aku. hidup ni takdela setiap mase sedih nye. hidup ade turun naik. kalu asek turun je. kene bom nuklear br nk tersedar susah la. hehe. cm bapak aku slalu ckp, org melayu nih, bile umno dh sedut sumer duit br nk tergadah, pdn muke..wakakakakaakakak.ntahla. aku pon tak pndai politik sgt. tp aku tak bape suke org umno. sbb cm mahadhir, mmg nmpk die cm kaye gile. mane la PM dpt gaji byk2. katela byk pon, takdela smpai kaye raye. mmg la die tak dilisted kan sbg org terkaye, sbb die gunekan name org len. mende ni tak mustahil. pstu tgk la cm sammy vellu ckp tebalik2, sape pon tak phm. ckp kosong. takde bukti. tp bole jd menteri. blom masuk issue hishamudin main pompuan minum arak. blom masuk issue tpm kite skang ni. rafidah aziz tu seko lg. die tu mmg ckp cm cikgu perdagangan. setakat karangan je panjang. tp isi haprak. sbb tu la aku banned umno. aku cume sokong parti yg aku ase ade kredibility. wpon kredibility tu masih bole di persoalkan. tp aku taknak dok atas pagar. i choose to vote. hehe. stakat ni aku blom nmpk parti yg aku sokong tu tros. in terms of islam aku ckp nih. wpon aku ni tak ckp smayang gak. tp aku kalu bole nk la pemerintah yg menitikberatkan semayang. kalu pemerintah tak smyang. rakyat lg la hampeh. sbb tu aku suke gak paklah ni. tp bini die tak pakai tudung la plak. konpius i. hehe.

ok la..aku ni dh merepek ke politik la. utk kwn2 yg politicion to be tu. no offence la. ni yg bergolak dlm jiwa aku. tak semestinye betul. hehe. ape2 pon. take care. may allah bless us all. peace be with us forever. amin.

June 23, 2005


Cinta ni sesuatu yang global sebenarnye. Takde sape dlm dunia ni bole bg satu spesifikasi tentang cinta yang lengkap. Yang hampir mungkin. Tp yang betul2, mungkin tidak. Sebab lain org, lain care die bercinta. Lain pasangan lain cerita pasal cinta die.

Mungkin, cerita kita, tak sama mcm cerita Titanic. Mungkin cerita kite buat org boring. Tp kita sendiri yang melakar dan mengarang kisah cinta kita. So what the hell with everybody else. Tp kadang2, bila kita sedang dilamun cinta. Kita hilang rasional sense, dan kita perlukan pertolongan org utk bawa kita ke alam realiti.

Sebab ni la aku suke tgk cite Cina. Ramai org tak bape suke. Sbb cite die terlalu dan selalunya Happy Ending. Tp cite Cina byk bermain dgn emosi. terutama emosi Cinta. Sesuatu yang dah lama aku carik and aku suke bercerita tentangnye. Tak kesah la emosi dgn ibubapa atau dengan kekasih, even dengan rakan2. Tp aku mmg suke permainan jiwa ni. Kdang2 aku sengaja bermain dgn org2 sekeliling aku, tanpa diorg sedar. Aku suke tgk jiwa diorg dipermainkan oleh aku. hehe. Takdela aku main ape, contoh mcm aku buat diorg terharu ke, pstu tgk reaksi diorg. Selalunye, org2 ni akan buat aku terharu balik. Mcm main chess. Hari ni aku kalah, aku tak puas ati, esok aku main ngn ko, ko mesti kalah pulak. Ehehe..lebih kurang mcm tu la. Tp org main chess, aku main jiwa. Pendek kate, permainan aku ni harmless, tp aku rase best. Kadang2 org2 tu tak sedar pon, ape die dh buat dlm hidup aku, tp lame2 diorg akan sedar jugak. hehe..ape la aku merepek ni.

Ok bebalik pade cite Cina. Besenye cite Cina ni, diorg ni mmg bermain dgn jiwa penonton. Die sj bg penonton cemas, terharu, sedih, mengelabah, risau, dlm hati dup dap dup dap. Mule2, msti die kasik kite syg kat pelakon2 die dulu. Takdela die tunjuk org2 tu baik, tp die tunjuk ape reason org2 ni muncul dlm drama tu. Bile kite dh syg(kdng2 smpai menyampah kat pelakon tu..mcm la die hebat lame2 jd cm suke kat pelakon tu) diorg pon mula la rombak cite tu. kasi twist sket. pelakon tu kadang2 anak org kaye. idop senang. parents sayang giler. curah kekayaan. tibe2 ayah die mati. ataupon ayah die tak kasik die bercinta. stereotype? did i hear you say that? pada aku tak. pada aku care aku cerita ni yg sterostype. tp twisting yg Cina buat, besenye tak semudah ni. Besenye byk keserabutan yg terjadi n kite akan jd sebak, kecewa, sedih, marah, at the same time. Mcm hindustan, sedih tu dtg senang2 je. Tp mcm Cina, sedih tu dtg susah n ego, tp bile dtg, mmg puas hati. Tp Hindustan ade kelebihan nye jugak. hehe.

Aku mmg dr kecik, di ajar tgk tv utk dok diam2. So kalu takde tv, aku agak mati kutu. Selalunye aku carik buku cite utk di bace. Aku bace bodo je. Regardless who is the writer. Tp besenye, aku suke buku yg bermain ngn Jiwa gak. Not too historical, but historical people, play with soul and mind a lot. Complicated kan aku ni? hehe. Tp mcm bese la. Utk beli buku2 cmni, paling2 kene ade rm30 dlm tgn. Kalu nk murah, bli buku romen2 byk la kat Pasar Seni. Hehe. Tu aku bace kejap, pstu bosan. Ek ele aku kate. Mcm la heroin die sorg je cntik lam dunia ni. Hehe. Cite melayu slalu la cmtu. Nyampah je. hehe. Pendek kate,aku suke cite yg buat aku nangis, buat aku happy, utk pelakon tu. Ade gak cite melayu yg mcm tu, tp slack cite melayu ni, byk no sad ending. Come on la, kite tgk tv utk hiburan. Sedih2 jugak, life kite dh ckp sedih, so you must give somthing happening and tak pening dlm you story beb. Hehe.

ok Bebalik balik kat cite cine td. Well, ade satu cite cine ni. Pasal sorg minah ni. Die ni takdela lawa mane. tp comel. student n malas blaja sket. anak org kaye. besela. tp die ni tak kedekut ngn kwn2 die. n setia kwn. ayah die org kaye. kaye gilerr. tp kaye2 pon, besela, nk kaye lg. ish ish ish. minah ni takde mak. so die slalu la tolong hiburkan ayah die yg sunyi. ayah die mmg pampered die la. tp die ni mmg tak lupe diri. perfect isnt it? well that's just a beginning. pastu satu ari die kenal sorg mamat ni. die tak tau nape die ske tgk mamat ni. die kejar mamat ni kesana kesini. mamat tu mmg baik. anak org miskin. ade parents. tp tk gune. ade atok. dh tue. atok die ade kedai ginseng. kedai urut2 cine tu. so mamat ni keje direct selling. mmg byk sale la die buat. die tgk minah ni asek follow die. lame2 die pon trime minah ni sbg awek die. mamat ni mmg baik. so bile ade org sayang die. die pon sayang org tu balik la.

pstu nk di jadikan cite. makbapak lelaki tu wat hal. utang ngn ah long. pstu mamat ni jd miskin giler sbb tolong byr utang. atok die plak kene jual kedai ginseng. pstu menyewa je kedai ginseng tu. pstu mamat ni betekad, nk amik sijil blaja pasal perubatan tradisional, pstu nk bukak kedai ginseng sendiri. sambil tu die teruskan keje direct selling. smpai tak tido mlm. minah ni slalu kesian je. die tinggalkan sbb mamat ni slalu sebok.

skali bapak minah ni plak. tak kasi minah ni bekwn ngn mamat ni..sbb mamat ni miskin. bapak die nk kawinkan minah ni ngn anak org kaye. supaya org kaye tu bole melabur lm sykt bapak die. dh kaye nk kaye lg. cet. ntah mcm mane, mamat bf minah ni tau. mamat ni pon nk mengundur diri. sbb die ase rendah diri. die miskin, pstu mak bapak die asek wat hal. asek nyusahkan pompuan ni. padahal, pompuan ni sayang giler mamat ni. bole mamat ni nk tgglkan die gitu je. huhu. tp mamat ni mmg tak piki lain la. die piki nk kaye je. tp mase mamat ni tgglkan minah tu. die tak sedih pon. ampeh tul. yg sedih tgk minah tu la. kalu die bedegil gk nk mamat ni. nnti ayah die taknak mengaku anak. die dh keja dh mamat tu. taknak pisah. mamat tu blaja kat China. Minah tu kat Hongkong. Die ckp ngn mamat tu, die nk dtg China. Die akan tggu mamat tu kat tmpt diorg slalu jmpe kat China. die tggu situ. tahan diri tak nangis. Sbb die hepi dpt jmpe mamat tu. Die sedih sbb tepakse tgglkan bapak die. Pstu mamat tu call pompuan tu. tepon die bole roaming kot. hehe. die ckp. dh la..jgn tggu die lg. pegi balik kat ayah pompuan tu. minah tu punye la sayu. pstu die tgk2. upenye mamat tu dtg. skali mamat tu lari. minah tu pulak dr pg tak mkn. pstu die kejar2. die pengsan. bgn2 kat hospital. bapak die ade. ayah die ajak minah tu balik hongkong. mulekan idop baru. huhuhuuhu.....sedih aku siot....

pstu smpai hongkong. minah tu kene kawin ngn sorg anak org kaye. aku pggl joe la..susah lak mamat tu mamat ni. minah2..haha. minah tu aku pggl julie. yg ex-boy julie aku pgl ahjong. haha. aku lupe la name die. so ahjong ni bole maintain smbng blaja. so kire nye. die tak betul2 cintakan pompuan tu. die trime pompuan tu sbb die pon takde awek.

yg joe ni plak. die mmg dh lame suke julie. tp julie yg wat tak tau. byk gk la die buat nk amik ati julie. lame2 julie pon jd suke kat joe. tp joe ni still insecure. sbb joe tau cmne julie syg kat ahjong si bengong tu. so mcm2 la jd. kire dr seorg julie yg tak penah ade mslah. jd mcm2 mslh die ade. kene perli ngn pak mertua la.sbb ayah julie ni asek mintak duit pak metue. nk wat projek tu la.. tp slalu gagal. yg joe plak. asek cemburu tak bertempat. pstu si ahjong tu. tibe2 die jmpe the girl of his life. pompuan yg die tak penah jangke die akan suke. so julie ni sedar la. die cm bertepok sebelah tgn je slame ni. sedih kan? tp tak kesahla. die dh ade joe.

pstu gosip2 timbul. maklumlah anak org kaye. si joe ni agak famous la. pstu dulu die ade sorg awek. bile ex-awek joe yg uwek tu tau latar blakang julie. die pon nk la joe balik. n die pon pegi ngorat joe. mase tu pulak. joe cemburu tak betempat ngn julie, sbb ade gosip kat paper. pstu julie pon lari. kire mase tu joe tgh nk kejar julie la. julie gi mane ntah. die cm dh tak bole nk bare. ayah die menekan die. ayah metue die. ahjong plak dh balik hongkong ngn awek br. pstu joe plak cemburu tak bertempat. tp lame2. die piki2. joe syg die sgt. tu yg cemburu. so die pujuk2 ati, nk balik jmpe joe. yg joe plak. tgk nk kuar parking. tak tekeluar2 lg. sb ex-awek die tahan die. pstu bole lak nk cium joe. mase tercium, julie balik. pstu julie nmpk la..huwaaa...kalu aku jd julie. sedih nye......

pstu ending die aku tak igt. aku igt sgt cite ni. sbb aku cm respek kat julie tu. die sorg budak yg takde masalah. tp satu2 masalah timpa die. die cume nangis n tak peduli kan org2 tu lg. tp die tak penah dendam atau cube balas dendam. tp sume org sekeliling die mmg menyakitkan die. dlm sengaje atau tak. dan org2 yg die betul2 syg, sumer tak syg die. cm ayah die tu. piki duit je. cm ahjong plak. bengong. cm joe plak. nasib malang. padahal joe baik sbenanye. last2 asenye joe bunuh diri kot..uhuhu..cite ni aku tgk..mmg nangis la..takde gi cite cine yg sebaik cite ni. tp cite cite konsep die mmg same olahan lain2 la. tu yg best.

ok la..smpai sini dulu kali ini. babai bebeh

June 03, 2005

I Feel Like Ally McBeal Today

And life today was so not that i've been dreaming the whole day.....Or i dont believe what i faced today....It is just that....I talk to myself a lot.......I tell you.....A lot......And somehow, my ownself, thought that, those sarcarstic 'things' that came out inside my sarcarstic...what am i talking.....i lost the way i was leading to just now......

but nevermind....yesterday....was a bulk.....everything was a burden....and everything put me down.......until i want to close my mind keep thinking......thinking how sad i was...ok..this time is not about love is about is life.....but this is really workload that just coming just name it.....oh well....everybody must have felt the same too.....anger....scared....despice....unlove.....nobody cares about u....esp everyone the one u love and expect love fr(ok it is about love...but its more to...i dont know how to put it.....but it can be my dad.....something like that)...but hey...its me....nobody might have known....but i do took it i keep telling was was few hours had happened......i dont have to look look forward....wht you must do for future........?....that's a big question many things i have to do...i couldnt catch up that fast......i'm tired.......i need a rest......before i could start catching up......

as i move on thinking.....being afraid of tomorrow....i heard subuh is morning again! surprice...........i tried to sleep again....i wont get up unless it is least i could have 1/2hour sleep.....but i gave up........i went to pray....and as i expected...eventhough i extended my wake up to 730......i still couldnt get to sleep....urghhh.......ok...i tell u dont want to sleep huh.......lets just lie down......we are all tired...and we have a very big day lets just lie down.......let just think of something nice.......ermm......wht is the nicest thing that happened to me lately? ahaa.....that's better...why didnt i think of this last night?...

oh no......morning alarm could burst any minute.......i hate it when they make that noisy sound...i should get up let the alarm rings.......back to lying down...we almost sleeping we r not...we r not going to get there...the light from outside makes my room even more sunny.....ok we got i look at my phone clock...which is my lifetime was only 659 that time....i have at least 29 minutes to fame.....if i just go on with the nice story in my head.....and let myself sleeping.....

i'm too weird today...i'm not sleepy at all.....i dont know why......hmmmmmm

i'm more energetic....i'm like somebody different.....i cant let my brain rest for a minute......i got to my work....face whacked by my bos......lunch some cute stuff from tv...not guys haa....just a little movie...dont knw wht....then got back to the office.....waiting for my bos......go for whacked again.....but my bos was more controlled because we're in front of the clients...but i'm scared he'll whacked me there....if he lost his mind....that could be worst my life wasnt so bad....anyway....on my way home...he bulk me again with his imposible...maybe not so imposible task to do by monday...monday??!!! wht will happened to my weekends??? and he did mention..this is something you have to do on weekends...and i kept saying in my head....sir....dont you have a life? you know....something that spelled L.I.F.E....where you need to rest.....and relax.......u know sir...i've been sick last monday....after i recover...u ask me to do stupid things...which i thought stupid...but later...i realize it was me that is...stupid....and i never relax since then.....and the weekends was my only know my family expecting something from me......i wouldnt be able to relax at all room is so hot at night when i tried to sleep....."and siti please listen...this project is very important...."...oh i was somewhere else just know......of course i just kept quiet and let him do the talking..................................until he said "ok you can go back now"...wht a relief...and until then...i didnt touch a thing on the work i am supposed to do and supposed to start now......oh well....again....its me....nobody might have known.........

that's that...but of course that's not all.....but....i think that;s that...hehe.....because i think today.....i kept saying the wrong things.......i kept day dreaming...talking to myself......i'm feeling at a state of i think...calm....but if something gets me on something....i anger came out easily......i couldnt control......i lost control on everything....i always feel today like....why did i said that? i can just say-....oh nevermindd.....or i even talking to myself.....when i was my car or something....and i will be like...wht r u doing?....i mean....i said it to me.....there...i talk to myseld again....does this sound insane to anyone? insane isnt it? this evening......when i thought about it....i think i rather kept quiet before i do anything else i kept quite...but;s talking to me!......i just kept quite from the world that i will not harm people............

i dont know tomorrow....wht will happened.....will there be a better day for me? i dont know....and i dont want to mcbeal dont cry all the time doesnt she? it is not that i want to be like her.....but like a doctor of myownself......i convicted myself to be having ally's sindrome....which my research department....dont know wether or not it will harm me....or does that kill me? i dont know...seriousely...i dont have no time to think about that.....i am writing this blog just for the sake to make me feel tired enough....i need a nice sleep......tomorrow...and the day after...and the day after.....and the day after.....going to be a looooongg journey for me........

i dont know who is reading my blog at the moment.......but i would like to say anyway....eventhough....maybe none is reading it.........thank you..........

that is all for now.....long enough.......good night....

May 20, 2005

Nothing To Loose, Everything To Waste

I just have nothing to say about it....but this is not what i ask for or hope.....i just curiouse why i didnt encounter it....doesnt mean that i want it to happen........ok i do have something to say.....

sometimes, you feel like god think you are to weak to accept his challege....and there he gave you to face it....pace up and be standing......though you couldnt stop yourself from falling....from feeling the hurts...i does hurt.....for a simplest does..................

it is not that you are not is just you are not aware of are so confident that it will not happen....but what had happened, happens....sometimes all the time......

you can never trust anyone to be they way you want them to be.........when you need can never expect them to stay...the way the always makes you smile....

this cries today is not forever...i can promise myself this.....i know i'm not that weak.....and i know where i stand today......i can put up my own life...i know how to breath by myself....

this tears is just to remind my....that this expirience did does bleed......but it will stop for a better reason.......

this determination....just to make myself stronger....for me to live for find a big thing from a deep sorrow.....bring faith......but no this thing will definately be remembered.......

i am not to stay in this weakness forever....

May 19, 2005

A Life For A Hire

What is the meaning of 'life'? What is the meaning of having someone to love, and be loved by someone? What is the meaning of waking up and think of the good side of life? What is the meaning of waking up in the midst of hardtimes, having a 'pang' of life, which make the eyes of yours open?

Life of life, why is it so hard to understand? Sometimes you laugh, sometimes you just feel like flying, but sometimes, you just feel like loosing. Like someone dump you somewhere. You feel lost, unbearable feeling that just put tears on your eyes. That is life baby. Something that is jeopardising inside your heart, is life.

I like talking about life. I like to look at myself, compare me with others and talk about life to myself. I know i'm not good. Sometimes i got to be so scared, that everybody will leave me, because i know i have something not right with my attitude. I composed my life based on other people perspective, which i shouldnt be. I am big enough to make my own desicion. I have my own thoughts, i suppose. Or sometimes, i am too stubborn, i want people to listen to me, which is not good, because they have their own desicion to make. So i give up, i end up to let them make desicion for them and for ME! Well, talking about being ridiculous sometimes.

I hope i can give conclusion for this issue. But it is issue of life, for a conclusion, you have to be mad yourself first. No, that is of course nonsense. The truth is, live your life the way you feel yourself being comfortable. Composed your life based on you, not on others. Be yourself, stop bugging other people life for sure. One thing for sure, if you want to be happy, make people that you love happy. But that hurts sometimes when they dont appreciate you. Though, one thing that you can do. Appreciate them. They will realize their mistake. Right?

May 16, 2005

Hari Yang Boring

Huargh...Aku takdak mood sangat arini........bosan lak tu.......

keje aku nk di ikotkan...tak complete lg tak tau nk complete kan camana..........ntah it the end of my carier...muahahaha..tak dela...just seriousely...tak tau nk buat ape skang aku just browing around..carik la ape2 yg berkaitan ngn keje aku nih..kot2 aku bole perpikiran lebih terbuka...

tgk gaya aku mmg kene bgnkan mende ni sorg3....huhuhu..bos tak muncol2 pon...pening pale aku nk la jadah nye mende ni works.....if i know wht to do....

terlambat utk piki carik keje lain.....aku dh bgtau diri stay keje ni wlau ape pon terjadik...cube setia sket sitiii.........kalu company ni bankrupt ke la pikior nk carik keje lain...mainpoint nye nk carik pengalaman wat coding...huhhuhuhu.....kalu dpt buat mmg besst...besh2...........berangan lg aku ni...hik hik hik

ngantok..malas sunggoh nk bekerja arini...sbb tak mkn pg pon ade kot..........malas laa nk gi mkn....mkn tghari je la.......

for wht la aku bejimat2 nih? entah laa..ase tak sedap ati la kalu takde duit nk di simpan..kalu ade simpan br la senang lg simpan lg ase tak ckp2....nk stop simpan ase tak sedap ati plak...hua hua hua..nk beli krim muke ngn deodarant pon pikior 2 3 kali.....smpai last2 tak bli...muaahahaha..ape la nk jd ngn aku ni...ntah laa...dlm dunia skang yg tak tentu hala ni...aku ase insecure kalu takde simpan duit.....takpela..aku cube kurang kan sket

gi pon gj aku dh kecik nk simpan duit tu mgkin tak bole sgt kot..hermmm..ntah laa...strive for the best ct.....aku nk jd cm scicom dulu..mule2 ase takboleh buat...skali mase nk blah...sume bos2 tabik soh aku stay...kire aku buat keje bersunggoh2....hait...