This ramadhan, i think we have heard more sad things than before. The loss of known people that we know. I am not quite remembering the names, but the latest one, is the wife of our current prime minister. While we were laughing and enjoying our break fast, someone out there is in grief.
The most saddest bereavement that i have read was, the death of 8 years old girl who was trapped inside a burning house while her parents were out for work. She was fast assleep when neighbours shouting for her and her brother to save their life. And fire was wildly burning their home. Nothing can be done. Her brother failed to save her as she was falling to the ground while running away. The air was stiff and her brother failed to find her and she was found burned after the fireman manage to put away the flames. it was a heartbreaking chronicle, but it was faith.
I remember lossing my grandmother long time ago. I was 10 that time. I couldnt understand why my mother is crying. I am sad too. But i cant cry. I was looking when my mother was washing my grandmother's dead body. And i saw my grandmother eyes was a little open, as if, she was looking at me. And then i saw my grandmother youngest son, he couldnt understand a bit. He was still very young. And i felt a deep stab at my heart. My eyes became wet all of the sudden. I cant see anymore. As they call me to kiss my grandmother goodbye. I couldnt bare, but cried. She was helping me to put 'inai' on my hand, about a month before she passed away. I remember, i was looking at my hand, and the inai was still there. It was a sad memory to remember. And i kept dreaming about my grandmother, even until my grandfather passed away about 7 years after. They left 9 children and all of them already independant now. They had done all the good things. The sadnest should be replaced by gratefullness of the goodness that had pour to or family at this moment. We are still together, celebrating the Hari Raya together and remembering the loss of our family.
That is all i can speak about the loss i had expirience. I know how sad people might feel. I feel sorry for our Prime Minister, Dato' Seri Abdullah. I hope he can cope with the loss and he could still be strong to conduct our country. For me, he is our life saver for all the damage Dr Mahathir had cause our country. Dont try to push my anger in politic, cause you might not like it. I hope this loss give meanings to something. I'm just praying for a smoother way for the dead to face the life after the death.
And my script for today, ends here. Al Fatihah.......
You are Brown Panther, who is gentle, kind, warm and friendly. You don't get influenced by people around you, and can keep your own pace of doing. You have high self-esteem, and are person of strong will. Although you really are a kind person, people regard you rather obstinate(Stubborn); this is because you are not very good at expressing yourself. If you can make the others know this weakness, you will certainly be more trusted. You dislike being restrained, and wish to stay and act freely. You are an independent person, and do not mind being alone. You will be successful by going into a professionalcareer. You have extremely high ideals, and rich sensitivity. You can not stand compromise, and therefore, may struggle between reality and ideals. You are a person who can grow to become a greater person by overcoming many failures and difficulties, so don't grave over your little mistakes. It is sometimes important to have a big heart and take a "so-what "attitude. You are a hard person, and can be too critical. People have their faults, so don't dwell upon little things too much. When you start a family, you will take an equal stance to your husband. And you wish to keep your job even after your marriage.
I'm so lost...so out of the mood for anything....i cant feel my soul...Where is it?.....Something is not right.....I dont know wht.....If they say, i dont belong into this field i'm taking......So where do i belong? I know i'm the only one who can answer the question...silly la if i even try to ask anybody else kan. But that is the case, I DONT KNOW lah...heehehe.........
My head felt heavy...The easy job i can do for 2 minutes became 2 hours or now i can say, more than 2 days...Hahahah.....Ramadhan tingy ke? I dont think so. Maybe i slept too much kot. After 11pm I went to sleep. Then 430 i wake up to help my mother prepare the dishes. After 6ooam i went back to sleep and wake up at 730. And then i felt this big head ache in my head. Owwww...Why is it have to be working days.....hehehe
Even though i dont want to wake up, but i kept dreaming weird dreams lately. Even if i want to sleep more, but myself personally cant take it anymore all those weird dreams. Weird looo..No hantu or setan this month kan? But why do i feel, (well the drimz is like normal me in my normal room la)..I feel like somebody holding my hand. Somehands la.. The face i dont see, but the hand i remember looking so scary. It's holding my hand and trying to grab me somewhere i dont know la kan. And then, ada tu i'm eating something weird la.. Ahh a dream only...The dream will start after 600am yg i tido tu la..Weird kan. hehehe
Okla..I think i demam kot...Kepale pening je ni. Chewah, mcm ngadu kat pakwe je..huhuhu....Ok la...gtg ...anyhow the job must be ready by hari raya.....babai whoever who is willing to read....muuaahhh..heheheheh
Hehe. My life doesnt have anything to be proud of. I'm just nothing for anybody to look up for. But i think, i got something in life that i should appreciate and love. For a reason, these things gave meaning to my life.
Life wasnt about getting something and live happily ever after with it. But for me, as for my case, life is more into achieving something with someone i love and care. To achieve that, what i need is to stand on my own feet, bravely, patiently and strongly. Which is not who i am at the first place.
I was born, spoiled. My parents lead my way all the time. They helped me up all the way. And when there is a chance for me to be on my own, i take it too hard. I dont know if i could make it right most of the time.
My expirience, i did failed to nailed my future. Hehe. I got here. I gain trust from everybody. But actually i have nothing. And i could break and fall anytime. Trying as hard to maintain it, hurts me so much. So much that i hope god would take me away from everybody. So i can stop hurting, betraying or running away from them.
I am a girl, who always running away from anything that hassle me. When my feet is tied up, i couldnt run. And i couldnt bare to stay. I felt mislaid. I couldnt feel my soul. I lost it. I dont know what i need. I dont know what i want. I couldnt even make a plan. To get away from this. All i did was, crying...:'(. So pathetic and hopeless of me.
But at the end of the day. I feel something new inside me. I know why i am crying. I know where i am, that's why i know that i'm lost. All i need to do now is finding my way to go through it. Just so i appreciate it more, god just make it hard for me to get it. Just so i stand on my feet strongly, god make me down. Pushing and pulling my fate. Just so that, when i know where i am standing. I will not easily falls.
And that is life. It is hard. But there is light somewhere around me. I should be seeing it, if i want to. Even the saddest person in the world could smile for at least a bit. but the smile worth everything a life could offer.
My conclusion. Love you life, your soul and the ones that love you. ;)