March 24, 2006

Lets Talk About Love...

I dont know why la today i'm in the mood of love..hehe.. I feel like writting a poems ke, or any other love wardings stuff, but i dont have time for that, so i just write it down simply like this. Today is my last day at my current office, PRADONET. Good Bye pradonet. hehe.. But i dont want to talk about that good bye stuff today...even though there will be no other suitable time to for it...but today i'm feeling a little love...hehehehe...so i want to talk about love......

I'm not trying to be POYO, because like i'm the only person on earth being IN LOVE..But i just want to share my feelings. I admit that, a lot of people is feeling it too, maybe they had even more wonderful feeling than me. But i just had the urge of talking about it today, if anyone would want to share their feelings too, you are sooo not welcome, get your own blog, write it down there, get a life!! Haha..just kidding.....but if anyone would want to share it here, u are most welcome....I'd like to talk about it with u...we love each other, dont we? [situt, stop being creepy!!] ...hehe..And i suppose, i dont have to TRY to be POYO, because i'm a natural POYO...hehe....

Love is like a makan...you need to have everyday...i could not imagine myself without the feeling....at least, i have LOVE from my parents, my siblings, my friends....That is enough for me...but that's not the feeling i'm having right now...hehehe....

I never realise that one day, i could be in love too...i had tried once to force myself to be in love...even though i know i'm not ready for it at that time...and i had crushed myself to it......and i knew it from that day, that love isnt so easy....i'm hurted...i cried....i'm scared...and it is haunting me like forever....and until today, i couldnt let myself to face that person..the first person that claimed to my face...he is in love with me........but he is gone now......i never see him since our break up...but he did leave a scar inside me.....while writting about him...i can still feel the hurt inside me...wrenching.....but not as painfull as before......before is approximately 4 to 5 years ago...it's been a long time...i can hardly remember his face....also...i cant remember how we start......but i remember it very well...how we end it......huhuhuhu.....

my current love...is almost 3 years now....but we've been friends, 1/2 a year more than that.....so i started to know him.....after 1/2 to 1 year after my breakdown...yes...it is a breakdown...i did fell...and i couldnt see where mylife go....i bring my body...but i dont know where my soul is......1/2 to 1 year of mylife...i cant barely feel life is there...i;m breathing.....but not quite alive.......it is so saddened.......all i can think is...i've been giving my 100% to the previouse guy....and i've been hoping to be with him for the rest of mylife........but all we can do is nothing....nothing at all....the relationship couldnt go far........

so i met this new love.....i wasnt really in love with him at all......but one thing he is so special is....he made me laugh....to the limit.....i can actually believe...i am still alive.....i still have life ahead........actually a lot of people can make me laugh that time...it was a wonderful time...surrounded by friends....who were enjoying life so much...but this guy...he is so special...he make me see life...i'm not just feeling it...but i see he was (and still) doing it to me....

though..he never ask about my past love....he never did actually know my state of mind that time....but he is still so special to me......

One day, he asked me to be his special girl....and i doubt my answer....i said no....but i doubt it.....i dont know if i can be his lover.......i'm afraid of another crush.....or breakdown.....because time seems to be moving so fast....one moment i met him....another..we were talking...enjoying our chat...talking about almost anything........and another moment....he is already proposing me......i dont know if i like him too...but i do feel so much alive with him........i realize it now, that i was so much in love with him from the beginning..i just dont want to admit it..

boringg......!! isnt it? but it is not boring to me a all.....:p

my ex..suddently called me....why? of course i dont know...he is the one trashing me without any reason....stupid...i know...haha....but he is too late.....my ego said that time.....and so...i made a vast move....i accept this new guy to mylife.....

at this stage...i was not in love at all...i hurted his feelings a lot...he was just a tools for me to feel relax.....so that i will become alive....not having to think about my ex as often anymore.....he ask me to do a lot a favours that i denied.....even i never ask him to pay for my makan....but i split the bills...u pay yours...i pay mine......muahahaha.....on the other hand....we were a coupled...but live a separate life..totally separate.....

he had once asked me...whether i need a flower..because he want to give to me......but i said...nahh...i dont need flower from you...i want something else and only you can give it to me.....

and now....for my own foolish thoughts...actions...he will never give me flowers...spell it right ..in my dream...haha....but i suppose..that is not the most important thing in love life..isnt it?

and now...we're moving on......and i'm feeling something different...so different than what i'm feeling previousely......it's something else...it is not just because i am enganged with him.....but it;s something else which i dont know how to explain.....he wouldnt know how much he mean to me now.....i think...he knows...but he never actually give it a seriouse thought....i almost feel that i cant be....i cant be as alive as today...with out him.............i dont what would happen if god take him away....:'(............

i'm loosing it...the feeling just keep flowing......i dont know which...or what to type in......because it is flowing very fast.....sometimes deep.......but all i know is....i love him.......it is so different than my first love.......on my day time...i will whisper his name in my heart......on my night time...i will whisper his name in my heart..he is everywhere...all around me...........the feeling is like hugging me......and i dont want it to let go....i want to be inside the hug, forever..

that is all i got to say now.......the feeling just keep flowing....and my typing cant keep up the pace....so i;m signing off by now....take care....;)

March 23, 2006

Perkahwinan ZEROW & IDA MAGOO...






March 20, 2006

The Next Stage.....


Kenapa aku lame tak menulis di dalam ini blog? Muahahaha....1. takde mase. 2. takde idea. 3. takde internet...muahahahah....Yg no.3 tu aku tipu je...hehehehehe...

ermm...well...masa tu ade...tp slalu pn aku dh tulis sket...pehtu aku piki 2 3 kali lagi...ermmm...malas la pulak nk post.......asek2 mende same je..merungut...merungut...merungut....tapi hari ni aku teramatla boring nya.....keje yg bos aku bg suma dh siap......aku malas nk buat elok2 cantik2...nnti die bukan nye nk appreciate...lagi die bg komen2 yg aku jd konpius...nak buat ape lepas ni nih? so aku pon malas la nk buat rajin2....ahahahaha..ntah hape2................

mggu lepas...mggu demam aku.....aku ase memang musim la kot...adik aku yg bongsu pn demam...siap aku tido ngn die lg same2..konon2 nk jaga die..alih2...aku yg demam....ahahahaha........tp skang ni kitrog dh mcm nk ok la kot....adik aku pn dh beransur pulih..hari ni die dh pegi skolah..takkan la kakak die nk ponteng kerja lg kot...ehehehe....tp ikotkan hati memang malas nk pegi kerja....huhuhu...

ekceli...next stage dlm tajuk tu......aku ase yg bace blog aku ni suma dh tau....kekekeke...ape lg kalu bukan hari pertunangan aku...meh la aku interprem gambar sket....bg yg masih blom tgk...tp asenye sume pn msti dh tgk...tp takpela...aku nk interprem jugak...hehehe

well..nmpk ke....mcm tak berjaya je penguploadan ini.... takpela..kite tunggu dan lihat je la..kalu tak berjaya nasib la aku...hehehehe

itu satu stage br dlm idop aku...klau org tanya...ape die perubahan? well mcm tak kenal aku...kalu org taknak tanye pn aku sure nk bgtau jugak...ahahaha....tp 1st of all aku nk ckp thanks la kat kengkawan aku....terutama kepada gurlz...pinky......bye yg dtg menjenguk aku aritu...hehehe...time kasih bebanyak........tak lupa kepada ida...yg call aku mase tgh makeup...muahahahaha..sori la..sian ko tepon aku siap curik2 tu...ahahaha.....aku pn curik2 gak berckp ngn ko....akhirnya....mak andam aku si pinky jugak pening kpale melayan karenah aku tu..hehehe..pepe pon sori la ek pinky...aku tak budget sebyk yg ko ckp tu....sori sgt...huhuhuhu..lenkali kalu nk letak hage cmtu...bgtau la awal2...bole makcik prepare...huhu..takpela....dh lepas pn....:p.....

and thanks to kengkawan lain yg wish aku....ramai gak yg ingat kat aku...aku igt korg dh tak igt kat aku....dh taknak kawan aku ke.....mane la tau...hehehehe......sejak korg2 sume busy ni...aku ase mcm budak yg ditinggalkan kengkawan nye...sbb kengkawan nye dh masuk asrama gitu...ahahaha...pe yg aku merepek ni....tp tu la yg aku ase...tingat mase aku darjah 6.......member baik aku br dpt masuk skolah asrama penuh.......mati kutu aku sorg2 jd ketua kumpulan perompak budak2 keramat permai...ahahaha...sbb kalu mase member aku tu ada aku jd penolong ketua.....last2 jd hambar sbb aku takde expirience......hahahaa...tp time member aku yg gi skolah asrama tu balik....boleh tahan jugak havoc....tp mase die takde...sunyi beb.....cmtu la aku ase skang....hehehehehe.....gi pn mase tu....padang tempat kitrog bermain2.....dh buat umah..klau korg dtg umah aku nmpk umah banglo......dulu tu la tmpt kitrong main perang2...kesian adik2 aku dh takde port nk main perang2...time tu jugak la...adik aku yg second kene baling batu kat kepala die...sian die....huhuhu..sedih aku igt balik.....tp bkn aku yg baling...ade budak lain la.....berebut nk jd ketua kumpulan........pastu bile ketua kumpulan pencen...iaitu kawan aku yg masuk asrama tu balik....mula la kitrog buat conference..........muahahahahahahaa....mcm budak2...dah name pon mase tu aku memang budak2......hahaha

wah..pnjang berjela aku menulis ni...point asal pn dh lari...aku pn tak igt ape sbenanye yg aku nk tulis ntah...hahahaha..takde ape la tunang2 ni...same je.....takleh main gak...hahahaha..bezanya kalu dlu aku kuar2 tu....parents aku tak tau pn ngn sape aku kuar....ape tujuan aku kuar...skang ni aku kuar je...wpn ngn gurlz ke...ngn ida ke....parents aku sure suspek tunang aku...eh tunang aku...ahahahah..ni la kalu kedua aku guna phrase tu......tak bese wei....hehehehe.....mcm poyo je...takmo la pakai lg......kire parents aku suspek kuyu aa.........so mcm tak best sket aa....ase mcm terdapat unsur2 kongkongan di situ....tp klau dlu ayah aku mcm tak redha...tp skang aku ase mcm mak aku yg tak redha..tp ayah aku die mcm dh senang ati sket...sbb kalu dulu aku mcm tak bgtau die hal sebenar...ni die dh kenal mak kuyu ayah aku adik badik kuyu...dah tau keadaan sebennar..die macam lebih senang melepas kan aku pergi...huuhuhu........tp walau cmne pn...perasaan malu nk kuar tu menebal la....nmpk no anak die ni gatal..sket2 nk kuar........ase mcm tu la...tp sejak aku tunang ni......aku blom penah dpt peluang mengedate pon...huhuhu.......stakat kluar pass kete je tu ade la...sbb kuyu slalu nk pinjam balik kg la...apa la...name pn rete die kan....takkan la aku taknak bg......pstu kuyu pn dh kene warning ngn mak die....mak kuyu ckp...skang ni jgn bwk kuar sgt...nnti dh kawin nk buat ape pn buat la.....huhuhuhu....so kene la redha...tp walau mcm mana pn..kebosanan tu still ada......huarghhhhhh..............tp nk buat cemane kan.......ape2 pn padan muka aku nk tunang sgt...eh tp sapa kata aku nk tunang.......aku taknak tunang2 ni leceh......bg aku dh kenal parents dh ok la tu....tp same je..situasi die still akan jadik mcm ni = susah nk kuar ngedate dahhhh....huarghhhhh.......ntah la

tp skang ni aku mcm takde mood ke...tak ati ke...takde ape ntah........utk mogok2 mcm dlu....aku mcm mampu bertahan sabar lagi....huargh2.....bkn aku puji diri sendiri...mcm mr.tapi ckp la.......makin tenang la ko skang ek...hahahaha..mgkin btol ape die ckp tu kot....kadang2 aku tensen gak ngn kuyu tu...kejeeee je...balik2 kejeee...igt aku ni ape...balik2 kejeee.....sms jeee.......balik2 sms....dlm tepon pn die bkn nye tau nk ckp ape......bosan3....muahahahahaa......tp dlm tensen2 aku.....aku tak mogok lak mcm dlu...klau dlu...sure aku dh off hanset ........takpn aku nangis giler2 ke dlm tepon ke ape ke.....yelaaaaaaaa....ati aku ni sunyi.........bila aku kuar ngn die...aku ase mcm satu breakaway.......kuar dr life aku yg membosankan ni....life kat opis....life kat umah....bkn la aku tak bersyukur.....ntahla...hanya org2 yg paham je akan paham....org yg takpaham..memang takkan paham....hehehehe...tp besenye yg ase mcm ni pompuan laa...lelaki ni aku tak tau la...mgkin sejak azali dh dilahirkan tanpa perasaan ke tu aku tak tau la............tp kalu pn korg taknak paham pompuan ni cemane.....tp atleast..kalu korg syang awek korg tu...layani la perasaan die kejap......kate sayang...klau takde kate syaang tu takde hal la kan...kalu tidak...jgn nk mimpi bercinta....muahahahahah....mmg sume org akan face mende ni...nk atau taknak....kalu nk bercinta tp taknak layani jugak....ha pinang tros..........nnti awek tu akan tenang mcm aku kot...ahahaha...tp aku ni pn mcm time bomb jugak...mgkin skang ni aku br2 tunang lg...aku bole la bersabar lg....mana tau smggu lagi....2 mggu lagi..meletop ke...mana nk tau kan......oleh itu...takde kesimpulan..mende2 cm ni mmg kene discover sendiri....hehehehehe....

and one more stage dlm idop aku ialah....aku br je dpt keje br..kontrak setahun...huhuhu...lepas kontrak tu aku tak tau la nk keje ape..suka2 ati aku je tuka keje....aku harap keje aku kali ni...bia la aku buat betul2..takmo mcm skang ni..main2 je keje....kejap2 buat keje...kejap2 cmni la aku...tulis blog la pulak.....huargh4....suka ati aku jee....aku takmo la mcm ni lg...aku nk keje betul2...demi masa depan aku jugak.....aku nk jd org yg bergunaa....aku harap next step aku ni.......biar la diredhai allah.....dan smoga allah tunjukkan jln utk aku berpijak dibumi yg nyata....takmau lagi main2....takmau lg berangan2....huhuhuhu.....amin....ya allah...tolongla hambamu ini....

and..after that...i dont know wht's going to happen to my life....will i survive...can i control stressfull situation? can i bare being stranded somewhere? will i get bored? or get mad? or get angry? i dont know what life could offer to me in the future...i just can hope and pray for the best...and for the worst to go far from me...huhuhu.....i think that is all for now.......long enough isnt it......hope for the best for the future...for you guys outthere who is reading this...and also for me.....amin.....