June 27, 2005

Berbicara dgn Bulan

aku ni mmg jenis yg kaki tv. hehe. tp tak semua rancangan tv aku tgk. aku tgk kartun. tapi tak semua katun aku suke. hehe. tp aku kadang2 layan gak katun ni. aku suke tgk cite yg berkait ngn perasaan, jiwa, akal. persimpangan, pilihan, dan lawak. tp senario tu tak semua siri die aku suke. buat2 gelak tu bole la. hehe.

sbb tu aku layan sitcom2. diorg ni ade lawak ade perasaan. mcm2 ada.

cerekerama kat tv3 tu. mule2 aku layan gak. mmg la main ngn perasaan. tp dh 3 4 kali SAD ending berturut2. hampeh. tros aku malas nk tgk. kalu tak SAD ending. ending yg tergantung. penonton piki sendiri. kepale otak die. konon2 thrill la tu. hampeh je.

ujung mggu aritu. wpon br dpt gj. tp aku tepiki bulan lepas aku tak simpan duit lansung. so ase besalah nk abiskan duit. hehe. tp aku ade target nk bli jeans. jeans yg aku bli 16.90 dh kembang. takbest dh pakai. ptt la murah, jeans pakai buang upenye. nk bli levis. takdo kojo la plak. bli jename bese2 dh la. jnji takdela kembang dgn secepatnye. sbb nk kuar dh takde jeans dh aku. huhu.

tp ujung mggu ni aku dok umah je. kuar pon mkn2 je kejap. pstu ari sabtu tu ade cite best ptg tu. org len dh tgk, aku br nk tgk. hehe. Berbicara Dengan Bulan. Fuh tajuk je dh buat aku tecongok dpn tv tu. hehe. Cite tu pasal sorg minah ni. Dr kecik suke berangan. Mcm aku kecik2. Pstu main kain batik mak die, buat main kawin2. Eh mcm aku kecik2 gak. Ahahaha....

Tp budak ni bernasib malang la. Mak ayah mati mase die kecik. huhu. pastu die di bela oleh maksu die yg busuk,hodoh n ntah hape2. Nmpk cm tak mandi je, aku suspek msti busuk.. ekekek. So budak ni ala2 cm cinderella la. Slalu la maksu die ni n anak maksu die ni buli budak ni. so budak ni still lg suke berangan cm mase die kecik2 dulu. n bile die berangan. die cite balik la kesedihan yg die alami.

Kat sini la tajuk die ni main peranan. minah ni name die saroja. cm name bunge. tp name india pon ade gak. haha. lawak2. saroja ni suke tulis surat. pstu baling bg kat bulan. suke dok atas bumbung. die ni dok umah flat la. so die baling2 pon. tak kemane surat tu. kebawah jugak jatuh. hehe.

so, pg2, ade mamat ni. name cm bapak ku. amin. amin ni tukang anta sokaba. so pg2. msti die nmpk surat ni kat bawah. die kutip n bace. die slalu bace surat tu. n die nk tau sape kah gerangn nye saroja. best tak begining die? aku ase best. hehe.

so saroja ni keje kilang. bile dekat kilang. ade la anak bos ni. baru balik dr obersea. hensem la. minat kat saroja ni. dlm mase yg same. amin tu tau la saroja tu sape. n satu mlm ni saroja dpt surat dr bulan. punyela die suke. bulan kate jgn bersedih.

tp lame2. die kwn gak ngn amin ni, wpon mule2 jual mhl sket. tp pade mase yg same, bos die name arif pon ngorat die. tp die ase cm die jatuh cinta ngn si arif ni. so die kasi surat kat bulan, bgtau die dh jatuh cinta, amin igt jatuh cinta kat amin la, kan amin bace surat2 utk bulan saroja bengong nih. tp skali amin pon nmpk saroja mesra ngn arif. huhu. bongok tol la saroja ni.

arif ni mmg btol2 tepesona ngn kejujuran saroja nih. so agak baik gak la arif ni. dan dlm mase yg same. ade pompuan ngorat arif ni. tp arif ni tak layan la. sbb dh suke kat saroja. pompuan ni plak, dengki so die fitnah saroja. sblm die fitnah saroja, aku cm isau gak saroja btol2 becinta ngn arif. sbb ciri2 amin tu aku suke. ekeke. aku pulak yg suke. bkn la suke ape. die jatuh cinta dekat diri saroja yg sebenar. as in puisi2 saroja tu. bkn cinta sbb cun. sblm die tau sape saroja lg, die dh jatuh hati ngn surat2 utk bulan tu. bg aku, puisi2 ni mmg dtg dr hati seseorang tu. org yg paham puisi org2 tertentu, org tu la paling dekat ngn org yg buat puisi tu. n aku blom jmpe lg org ni dlm idop aku. maksud aku, seorg lelaki la. hehe. aku pon tak tau, kalu aku jmpe nnti cmne. muahahaha. tp dlm dunia ni ade mcm2 fraud, so aku nye kenyataan ni mgkin tak benar n tak bole pakai kot. ntah la..tp bende ni mmg buat aku tersentuh. maksud aku, mase amin jatuh cinta ngn puisi2 yg die bace tu. tp die tak tau sape. huhu..

so saroja td ni kene fitnah. kene fitnah curik brg dlm locker minah2 kilang. sumer org tak pecaye kat die, termasuk arif. menuduh melulu tanpa siasat dulu. sian saroja. yg amin plak, menjauhkan diri dr saroja, sbb dh nmpk saroja ngn arif. huhu. tp saroja ni pelik la, die cm rindu kat amin tu bile amin tu tak muncol, die carik gak la amin tu. hehe.

so saroja settle kan la hal fitnah tu. yg ni aku tak smpt nk tgk sgt tp last2 kene tangkap la org yg buat fitnah tu n terbukti saroja tak slh. si arif tu nk pujuk saroja balik, tp saroja dh blah. so si arif tu tau pasal amin, die carik amin, amin tu tau mane saroja pegi. diorg pon pegi carik saroja. last2 saroja pilih amin. muahaha..suke3..menyemak je arif. ni nasihat aku utk para2 lelaki. kalu suke kat pompuan tu, pastikan ko btol2 suke, jgn sekadar tgk muke je, pstu layan pompuan sambil lewa. hampeh je. nnti ko pon tak bahagia, pompuan tu pon tak bahagia. hehe. pstu amin tu reveal la, sbenanye die yg jd bulan n balas surat saroja tu. huhu. ni paling aku terharu la, wpon aku dh agak dh jugak memule.

sbb org yg buat cite ni, org yg same buat tollgategirl. org ni osman kot name die, die mmg logistik punye org. die takkan buat cite2 mistik. kalu ade mistik2 tu, mesti finally ade logical explaination nye. n die kalu wat sad ending pon, takdela sad ending tak betempat. tp setakat yg aku tgk, sume nye heppy ending. syabas osman, syabas. kalu btol tu la name ko. hehe.

so aku cm bese. bile tgk cite2 cmni, aku reflect balik kat diri aku ni. hehe. ntah la. kadang2 aku ase hidup aku ni cukop sume. kadang2 aku ase byk kekurangannye. bkn aku tak besyukor, tp cm org slalu ckp, nobody is perfect. no life is perfect unless u accept whatever you have. bkn aku tak accept. tp aku ase, life could have been much better if.........dot dot dot....hehe........

kadang2 aku ase, aku byk wat pilihan yg salah dlm idop. dulu aku tak realize mende ni. tp bile aku look back. aku nmpk balik. pilihan2 ade, tp aku yg buta. bkn la aku nk buang pulak ape yg dh ade kat dpn mate aku skang ni. tp itulah, aku ni tak penah nk puas. kalu aku ni rajin takpe jugak. ni aku pon malas. hehe..n kadang2, aku terlalu sambil lewa ngn org2 yg perihatin kat aku. n skang, aku ase, aku dpt balik ape yg aku dh buat kat org tu. semua pon bebalik kat aku. aku nk menyesal pon dh terlambat. hehe. tp aku cm terkena sumpahan plak.hehe.

well, life ni mmg same ngn kebykkan cite2 melayu. not much to say about happy ending. tp come on la. kadang2 kite perlu berangan2 cm saroja tu jugak. n bg aku aku. hidup ni takdela setiap mase sedih nye. hidup ade turun naik. kalu asek turun je. kene bom nuklear br nk tersedar susah la. hehe. cm bapak aku slalu ckp, org melayu nih, bile umno dh sedut sumer duit br nk tergadah, pdn muke..wakakakakaakakak.ntahla. aku pon tak pndai politik sgt. tp aku tak bape suke org umno. sbb cm mahadhir, mmg nmpk die cm kaye gile. mane la PM dpt gaji byk2. katela byk pon, takdela smpai kaye raye. mmg la die tak dilisted kan sbg org terkaye, sbb die gunekan name org len. mende ni tak mustahil. pstu tgk la cm sammy vellu ckp tebalik2, sape pon tak phm. ckp kosong. takde bukti. tp bole jd menteri. blom masuk issue hishamudin main pompuan minum arak. blom masuk issue tpm kite skang ni. rafidah aziz tu seko lg. die tu mmg ckp cm cikgu perdagangan. setakat karangan je panjang. tp isi haprak. sbb tu la aku banned umno. aku cume sokong parti yg aku ase ade kredibility. wpon kredibility tu masih bole di persoalkan. tp aku taknak dok atas pagar. i choose to vote. hehe. stakat ni aku blom nmpk parti yg aku sokong tu tros. in terms of islam aku ckp nih. wpon aku ni tak ckp smayang gak. tp aku kalu bole nk la pemerintah yg menitikberatkan semayang. kalu pemerintah tak smyang. rakyat lg la hampeh. sbb tu aku suke gak paklah ni. tp bini die tak pakai tudung la plak. konpius i. hehe.

ok la..aku ni dh merepek ke politik la. utk kwn2 yg politicion to be tu. no offence la. ni yg bergolak dlm jiwa aku. tak semestinye betul. hehe. ape2 pon. take care. may allah bless us all. peace be with us forever. amin.

June 23, 2005

Cinta........

Cinta ni sesuatu yang global sebenarnye. Takde sape dlm dunia ni bole bg satu spesifikasi tentang cinta yang lengkap. Yang hampir mungkin. Tp yang betul2, mungkin tidak. Sebab lain org, lain care die bercinta. Lain pasangan lain cerita pasal cinta die.

Mungkin, cerita kita, tak sama mcm cerita Titanic. Mungkin cerita kite buat org boring. Tp kita sendiri yang melakar dan mengarang kisah cinta kita. So what the hell with everybody else. Tp kadang2, bila kita sedang dilamun cinta. Kita hilang rasional sense, dan kita perlukan pertolongan org utk bawa kita ke alam realiti.

Sebab ni la aku suke tgk cite Cina. Ramai org tak bape suke. Sbb cite die terlalu dan selalunya Happy Ending. Tp cite Cina byk bermain dgn emosi. terutama emosi Cinta. Sesuatu yang dah lama aku carik and aku suke bercerita tentangnye. Tak kesah la emosi dgn ibubapa atau dengan kekasih, even dengan rakan2. Tp aku mmg suke permainan jiwa ni. Kdang2 aku sengaja bermain dgn org2 sekeliling aku, tanpa diorg sedar. Aku suke tgk jiwa diorg dipermainkan oleh aku. hehe. Takdela aku main ape, contoh mcm aku buat diorg terharu ke, pstu tgk reaksi diorg. Selalunye, org2 ni akan buat aku terharu balik. Mcm main chess. Hari ni aku kalah, aku tak puas ati, esok aku main ngn ko, ko mesti kalah pulak. Ehehe..lebih kurang mcm tu la. Tp org main chess, aku main jiwa. Pendek kate, permainan aku ni harmless, tp aku rase best. Kadang2 org2 tu tak sedar pon, ape die dh buat dlm hidup aku, tp lame2 diorg akan sedar jugak. hehe..ape la aku merepek ni.

Ok bebalik pade cite Cina. Besenye cite Cina ni, diorg ni mmg bermain dgn jiwa penonton. Die sj bg penonton cemas, terharu, sedih, mengelabah, risau, dlm hati dup dap dup dap. Mule2, msti die kasik kite syg kat pelakon2 die dulu. Takdela die tunjuk org2 tu baik, tp die tunjuk ape reason org2 ni muncul dlm drama tu. Bile kite dh syg(kdng2 smpai menyampah kat pelakon tu..mcm la die hebat sgt..tp lame2 jd cm suke kat pelakon tu) diorg pon mula la rombak cite tu. kasi twist sket. pelakon tu kadang2 anak org kaye. idop senang. parents sayang giler. curah kekayaan. tibe2 ayah die mati. ataupon ayah die tak kasik die bercinta. stereotype? did i hear you say that? pada aku tak. pada aku care aku cerita ni yg sterostype. tp twisting yg Cina buat, besenye tak semudah ni. Besenye byk keserabutan yg terjadi n kite akan jd sebak, kecewa, sedih, marah, at the same time. Mcm hindustan, sedih tu dtg senang2 je. Tp mcm Cina, sedih tu dtg susah n ego, tp bile dtg, mmg puas hati. Tp Hindustan ade kelebihan nye jugak. hehe.

Aku mmg dr kecik, di ajar tgk tv utk dok diam2. So kalu takde tv, aku agak mati kutu. Selalunye aku carik buku cite utk di bace. Aku bace bodo je. Regardless who is the writer. Tp besenye, aku suke buku yg bermain ngn Jiwa gak. Not too historical, but historical people, play with soul and mind a lot. Complicated kan aku ni? hehe. Tp mcm bese la. Utk beli buku2 cmni, paling2 kene ade rm30 dlm tgn. Kalu nk murah, bli buku romen2 byk la kat Pasar Seni. Hehe. Tu aku bace kejap, pstu bosan. Ek ele aku kate. Mcm la heroin die sorg je cntik lam dunia ni. Hehe. Cite melayu slalu la cmtu. Nyampah je. hehe. Pendek kate,aku suke cite yg buat aku nangis, buat aku happy, utk pelakon tu. Ade gak cite melayu yg mcm tu, tp slack cite melayu ni, byk no sad ending. Come on la, kite tgk tv utk hiburan. Sedih2 jugak, life kite dh ckp sedih, so you must give somthing happening and tak pening dlm you story beb. Hehe.

ok Bebalik balik kat cite cine td. Well, ade satu cite cine ni. Pasal sorg minah ni. Die ni takdela lawa mane. tp comel. student n malas blaja sket. anak org kaye. besela. tp die ni tak kedekut ngn kwn2 die. n setia kwn. ayah die org kaye. kaye gilerr. tp kaye2 pon, besela, nk kaye lg. ish ish ish. minah ni takde mak. so die slalu la tolong hiburkan ayah die yg sunyi. ayah die mmg pampered die la. tp die ni mmg tak lupe diri. perfect isnt it? well that's just a beginning. pastu satu ari die kenal sorg mamat ni. die tak tau nape die ske tgk mamat ni. die kejar mamat ni kesana kesini. mamat tu mmg baik. anak org miskin. ade parents. tp tk gune. ade atok. dh tue. atok die ade kedai ginseng. kedai urut2 cine tu. so mamat ni keje direct selling. mmg byk sale la die buat. die tgk minah ni asek follow die. lame2 die pon trime minah ni sbg awek die. mamat ni mmg baik. so bile ade org sayang die. die pon sayang org tu balik la.

pstu nk di jadikan cite. makbapak lelaki tu wat hal. utang ngn ah long. pstu mamat ni jd miskin giler sbb tolong byr utang. atok die plak kene jual kedai ginseng. pstu menyewa je kedai ginseng tu. pstu mamat ni betekad, nk amik sijil blaja pasal perubatan tradisional, pstu nk bukak kedai ginseng sendiri. sambil tu die teruskan keje direct selling. smpai tak tido mlm. minah ni slalu kesian je. die tinggalkan sbb mamat ni slalu sebok.

skali bapak minah ni plak. tak kasi minah ni bekwn ngn mamat ni..sbb mamat ni miskin. bapak die nk kawinkan minah ni ngn anak org kaye. supaya org kaye tu bole melabur lm sykt bapak die. dh kaye nk kaye lg. cet. ntah mcm mane, mamat bf minah ni tau. mamat ni pon nk mengundur diri. sbb die ase rendah diri. die miskin, pstu mak bapak die asek wat hal. asek nyusahkan pompuan ni. padahal, pompuan ni sayang giler mamat ni. bole mamat ni nk tgglkan die gitu je. huhu. tp mamat ni mmg tak piki lain la. die piki nk kaye je. tp mase mamat ni tgglkan minah tu. die tak sedih pon. ampeh tul. yg sedih tgk minah tu la. kalu die bedegil gk nk mamat ni. nnti ayah die taknak mengaku anak. die dh keja dh mamat tu. taknak pisah. mamat tu blaja kat China. Minah tu kat Hongkong. Die ckp ngn mamat tu, die nk dtg China. Die akan tggu mamat tu kat tmpt diorg slalu jmpe kat China. die tggu situ. tahan diri tak nangis. Sbb die hepi dpt jmpe mamat tu. Die sedih sbb tepakse tgglkan bapak die. Pstu mamat tu call pompuan tu. tepon die bole roaming kot. hehe. die ckp. dh la..jgn tggu die lg. pegi balik kat ayah pompuan tu. minah tu punye la sayu. pstu die tgk2. upenye mamat tu dtg. skali mamat tu lari. minah tu pulak dr pg tak mkn. pstu die kejar2. die pengsan. bgn2 kat hospital. bapak die ade. ayah die ajak minah tu balik hongkong. mulekan idop baru. huhuhuuhu.....sedih aku siot....

pstu smpai hongkong. minah tu kene kawin ngn sorg anak org kaye. aku pggl joe la..susah lak mamat tu mamat ni. minah2..haha. minah tu aku pggl julie. yg ex-boy julie aku pgl ahjong. haha. aku lupe la name die. so ahjong ni bole maintain smbng blaja. so kire nye. die tak betul2 cintakan pompuan tu. die trime pompuan tu sbb die pon takde awek.

yg joe ni plak. die mmg dh lame suke julie. tp julie yg wat tak tau. byk gk la die buat nk amik ati julie. lame2 julie pon jd suke kat joe. tp joe ni still insecure. sbb joe tau cmne julie syg kat ahjong si bengong tu. so mcm2 la jd. kire dr seorg julie yg tak penah ade mslah. jd mcm2 mslh die ade. kene perli ngn pak mertua la.sbb ayah julie ni asek mintak duit pak metue. nk wat projek tu la..ni la.. tp slalu gagal. yg joe plak. asek cemburu tak bertempat. pstu si ahjong tu. tibe2 die jmpe the girl of his life. pompuan yg die tak penah jangke die akan suke. so julie ni sedar la. die cm bertepok sebelah tgn je slame ni. sedih kan? tp tak kesahla. die dh ade joe.

pstu gosip2 timbul. maklumlah anak org kaye. si joe ni agak famous la. pstu dulu die ade sorg awek. bile ex-awek joe yg uwek tu tau latar blakang julie. die pon nk la joe balik. n die pon pegi ngorat joe. mase tu pulak. joe cemburu tak betempat ngn julie, sbb ade gosip kat paper. pstu julie pon lari. kire mase tu joe tgh nk kejar julie la. julie gi mane ntah. die cm dh tak bole nk bare. ayah die menekan die. ayah metue die. ahjong plak dh balik hongkong ngn awek br. pstu joe plak cemburu tak bertempat. tp lame2. die piki2. joe syg die sgt. tu yg cemburu. so die pujuk2 ati, nk balik jmpe joe. yg joe plak. tgk nk kuar parking. tak tekeluar2 lg. sb ex-awek die tahan die. pstu bole lak nk cium joe. mase tercium, julie balik. pstu julie nmpk la..huwaaa...kalu aku jd julie. sedih nye......

pstu ending die aku tak igt. aku igt sgt cite ni. sbb aku cm respek kat julie tu. die sorg budak yg takde masalah. tp satu2 masalah timpa die. die cume nangis n tak peduli kan org2 tu lg. tp die tak penah dendam atau cube balas dendam. tp sume org sekeliling die mmg menyakitkan die. dlm sengaje atau tak. dan org2 yg die betul2 syg, sumer tak syg die. cm ayah die tu. piki duit je. cm ahjong plak. bengong. cm joe plak. nasib malang. padahal joe baik sbenanye. last2 asenye joe bunuh diri kot..uhuhu..cite ni aku tgk..mmg nangis la..takde gi cite cine yg sebaik cite ni. tp cite cite konsep die mmg same la..tp olahan lain2 la. tu yg best.

ok la..smpai sini dulu kali ini. babai bebeh

June 03, 2005

I Feel Like Ally McBeal Today

And life today was so unreal.....is not that i've been dreaming the whole day.....Or i dont believe what i faced today....It is just that....I talk to myself a lot.......I tell you.....A lot......And somehow, my ownself, thought that, those sarcarstic 'things' that came out inside my mind....is sarcarstic...what am i talking.....i lost the way i was leading to just now......

but nevermind....yesterday....was a bulk.....everything was a burden....and everything put me down.......until i want to close my eyes...my mind keep thinking......thinking how sad i was...ok..this time folks...it is not about love ok....it is about life....ok...love is life.....but this time...it is really life.......my family....my workload that just coming in...my officemate......you just name it.....oh well....everybody must have felt the same too.....anger....scared....despice....unlove.....nobody cares about u....esp everyone the one u love and expect love fr(ok it is about love...but its more to...i dont know how to put it.....but it can be my mom...my dad.....something like that)...but hey...its me....nobody might have known....but i do took it seriousely.....so i keep telling myself....it was yesterday......it was few hours ago.........it had happened......i dont have to look back.....now look forward....wht you must do for future........?....that's a big question mark.....so many things i have to do...i couldnt catch up that fast......i'm tired.......i need a rest......before i could start catching up......

as i move on thinking.....being afraid of tomorrow....i heard subuh prayer.....it is morning again! surprice...........i tried to sleep again....i wont get up unless it is 630am......at least i could have 1/2hour sleep.....but i gave up........i went to pray....and as i expected...eventhough i extended my wake up to 730......i still couldnt get to sleep....urghhh.......ok...i tell myself...so u dont want to sleep huh.......lets just lie down......we are all tired...and we have a very big day today.......so lets just lie down.......let just think of something nice.......ermm......wht is the nicest thing that happened to me lately? ahaa.....that's better...why didnt i think of this last night?...

oh no......morning light.......my alarm could burst any minute.......i hate it when they make that noisy sound...i should get up now...no...just let the alarm rings.......back to lying down...we almost sleeping here....no we r not...we r not going to get anywhere.....so there...the light from outside makes my room even more sunny.....ok we got up.....now.....and i look at my phone clock...which is my lifetime alarm......it was only 659 that time....i have at least 29 minutes to fame.....if i just go on with the nice story in my head.....and let myself sleeping.....

i'm too weird today...i'm not sleepy at all.....i dont know why......hmmmmmm

i'm more energetic....i'm like somebody different.....i cant let my brain rest for a minute......i got to work......do my work....face problem......got whacked by my bos......lunch time......eat........watch some cute stuff from tv...not guys haa....just a little movie...dont knw wht....then got back to the office.....waiting for my bos......go for testing......got whacked again.....but my bos was more controlled because we're in front of the clients...but i'm scared he'll whacked me there....if he lost his mind....that could be worst rite....so my life wasnt so bad....anyway....on my way home...he bulk me again with his imposible...maybe not so imposible task to do by monday...monday??!!! wht will happened to my weekends??? and he did mention..this is something you have to do on weekends...and i kept saying in my head....sir....dont you have a life? you know....something that spelled L.I.F.E....where you need to rest.....and relax.......u know sir...i've been sick last monday....after i recover...u ask me to do stupid things...which i thought stupid...but later...i realize it was me that is...stupid....and i never relax since then.....and the weekends was my only hope...you know my family expecting something from me......i wouldnt be able to relax at all sir...my room is so hot at night when i tried to sleep....."and siti please listen...this project is very important...."...oh i was somewhere else just know......of course i just kept quiet and let him do the talking..................................until he said "ok you can go back now"...wht a relief...and until then...i didnt touch a thing on the work i am supposed to do and supposed to start now......oh well....again....its me....nobody might have known.........

that's that...but of course that's not all.....but....i think that;s that...hehe.....because i think today.....i kept saying the wrong things.......i kept day dreaming...talking to myself......i'm feeling at a state of i think...calm....but if something gets me on something....i shout.....my anger came out easily......i couldnt control......i lost control on everything....i always feel today like....why did i said that? i can just say-....oh nevermindd.....or i even talking to myself.....when i was lonely...in my car or something....and i will be like...wht r u doing?....i mean....i said it to me.....there...i talk to myseld again....does this sound insane to anyone? insane isnt it? this evening......when i thought about it....i think i rather kept quiet before i do anything else wrong....so i kept quite...but still...it;s talking to me!......i just kept quite from the world outside...so that i will not harm people............

i dont know tomorrow....wht will happened.....will there be a better day for me? i dont know....and i dont want to cry......ally mcbeal dont cry all the time doesnt she? it is not that i want to be like her.....but like a doctor of myownself......i convicted myself to be having ally's sindrome....which my research department....dont know wether or not it will harm me....or does that kill me? i dont know...seriousely...i dont know...today......tonight...i have no time to think about that.....i am writing this blog just for the sake to make me feel tired enough....i need a nice sleep......tomorrow...and the day after...and the day after.....and the day after.....going to be a looooongg journey for me........

i dont know who is reading my blog at the moment.......but i would like to say anyway....eventhough....maybe none is reading it.........thank you..........

that is all for now.....long enough.......good night....