December 13, 2006

Hari Ini Kau Datang Lagi

Poyo je tajuk..hehehe..aku sebenarnye tgh bosan. Ase nk cuti dan tengok filem cinta yg membuak2. Heheh.. Nk mkn pose la plak. Esok last day pose. Insyaallah. Memacam dugaan berpuasa ni. Dugaannye ialah perasaan yg lapa. Padahal pg td aku sahur la gak. Sanggup mengorbanan waktu tidor demi takot lapa siang2 ni. Hehehe..
 
Nk kene buat pengumuman ke? Hehehe...Tapi ramai yg dah tau pn. Alhamdulillah setelah 2 kali test, aku positif pregnant! Tp tak tau la kan, masih terlalu awal utk buat scan. So aku harap takde apa2 la. Stakat ni kene la jaga mkn sikit. Takleh mkn yg bukan2. Sbb takot bende tu tajam. Tp haritu aku tgk mak metua aku cm tak bekenan je tgk aku mkn acar nenas..ekeke...Takleh tahan la. Lgpn acar tu manis...Harap2 takde ape2. Ya Allah slamatkn lah kandunganku. Amin. Huhuhu.
 
Tadi aku bace blog ArniTheSoulSaver tu. Die tak puas ati sbb org slalu cm tak puas ati nape die taknak anak. Pstu die cite la. Stengah org ade anak pn bising2 anak ni menyusahkan la apa la. Tp memang pn. Mmg depan mata aku sendiri benda2 tu sume terjadi. Cm org kate, muda2 sebuk jaga anak, dah tua kene jaga cucu plak. Ish ish ish. Kadang2 pn kalu biras2 aku melepas tangan bia aku jaga anak depa, aku pn lemas gk..Hihu, bukan anak I. Ehehehe. Wpn aku mmg suka budak2 tp kalu mak budak tu lepas tgn aku jd tak suke plak. Nak2 budak tu kuat nangis plak. Hihu. Tp tu la, kalu mak budak tu sendiri dh ckp anak dia menyusahkan. Org lain pn menyampah gk ngn budak tu. So sape salah? Sape nk jwb? Sape nk bg kasih syg kt budak tu? Ish ish ish.....
 
Bagi aku, kenapa aku nak sgt ada baby?
1. Aku ni bukan muda lg. Aku pn teringin nk menyusahkan org ngn anak aku..Ahahaha..takdela. Naluri tu dtg sendiri kot. Aku pn takot nk ckp lebih2, takut jd mak yg kategori kata anak menyusahkan tu.
2. Aku nk rase sendiri jadi ibu, dh rase jd isteri.
3. Aku nk mak ayah aku merasa jd atok n nenek.
4. Nk adik2 aku merasa jd bapak sedara.
5. Aku harap aku dpt berubah menjadi insan lebih baik lg utk anak n suami. Insyaallah.
 
Ckp bole la kn. Nk buat nye 1 hal. Huhuhu.. Takot jugak. Mgkin aku tak piki sedalam2 je before being conceived!?? Tp wtpe kawin kalu taknak ade anak? Dlm islam kn anak tu 1 rezeki? Lgpn for 1st born child, taknak la mkn2 pil2 perancang ni, dh byk kes dh mandul tros nnti ke ape ke takot gk kn. Tak pn org kate 'pncut luar'. Ish ish ish. Nape ntah aku ase bende tu inappropriate le skang ni. Hehehe.
 
Bg yg taknak anak tu, aku ase apa lah salah nye even 1 anak. Lepas tu nk ikat ke nk ape ke sukati la kn. Anak ni pengikat keluarga. Penyeri sume la dia. Mgkinla akan ada byk masalah. Well, life mmg comes with problem. Kalu ko taknak problem takyah la hidup kn. Hehehe. And as a woman, i know, i normally treat problem too emotionally. And it's bite me so often that i became sick. Hehehe.. Ape la aku ckp ni. Even skang ni takde anak pn dh start dh malas2 nk lipat bj. Kemas rumah. Kaji betul tgk Hubby aku lepak2 tgk sports. Huwaaaa... But life must go on kn? Nk taknak kene la lipat gk bj tu. Kene la kemas gk rumah tu. When it comes to statement, pregnant woman cannot work too hard. Baru la Hubby aku nk menggelabah. Muahahahaha..Yela... Bila aku dh start bleeding ke ape ke kn. Hihihihi. Stakat ni br setitik dua, itupun maybe sebab aku mkn tomyam aritu pstu mkn nenas. Hehehehe.
 
Tp aku pn dh lost dh. Ala2 cm nk nasihat sume org dpt anak...Muahahah..anak ni bagus, penyambung warisan. Skang ni anak cina lg ramai lg anak melayu. Tak takot ka kawan? Bkn la dpt anak semata2 utk perang kaum atau agama. Tp anak ni zuriat kurniaan Allah. Penyambung warisan kalu kita dh tua2 nnti. Stakat honeymoon stahun tu bole trima akal lg. Kalu dh lebih2 tu. Are you marrying him just because of sex? Just because of bole gi jalan2 tanpa ada issue anak? Mmm lain org lain la cara die nikmati hidup kot? Tak tau la. Tp your mind is not right somewhere la i think. Hehehe. Jgn sebab issue negative nk dpt anak, then u kata, that is a strong point why you taknak anak? Oh what the hell, i dont know you anyway. Somewhat i think we are the same, kalu dr segi emotion la kot, tp when it comes to growing your family, we are so much different. Eheheh.. Itupun kalu ko baca blog aku la..hehehe
 
Okeh skang aku dh capai 1 step lg dlm idop aku. My next step is nk bli rumah...Huhuhuhuhu.......

November 16, 2006

Syawal kian berakhir....

Ermm..nyum2....tgk resepi sweet sour kt intenet...tak saba nk balik msk lalu berbuka....

Dh masuk hari ke 4 aku berpuasa dibulan syawal ni, alhamdulillah. Nnti last aku pose hari Isnin nextweek kot...Hubby aku mgkin puasa smpai selasa..Insyaallah...

Hari2 hujan lebat gila sekarang. Hari2 Hubby aku balik basah kuyup..Kesian die...Aku plak tgh2 msk risau pasal die...Pstu mcm berdoa...wpn hujan, harap2 die balik la jgk...Cmne perasaan kalu die tak dpt balik, ada kerja ke...Hujan lebat sgt ke...msti sayu..Huhuhu..Aku kerap pikir pasal tu sbb aku nk bersedia menghadapi keadaan tu..Huhu..

Wpn ase tenang sbb dpt msk sorg2..Takde la bergaduh berebut Kuali ngn Hubby aku..Tp penat rupenye buat kerja sorg2....Mcm lipas kudung..ekekeke..Pstu tensen je bila Hubby balik ckp...best la skang...br dpt merasa mcm suami...Nk jd suami yg mls la...Ampes je..hehehe..Aku pn tak tau nk respon mcm mana ngn statement die tu....Hihihi...Tp kadang2 die tolong la sket2...Sekadar melepaskan batuk ditangga...Klau tak aku taknak urut die plak nnti kn..Ekekek...Hari2 kene urut..Hhuhuh...

Dlu aku kene urut mak aku..Hari2 naik bosan aku urut die...Smpai aku ckp..Bosan2..huhuhu....pstu skang ni mak aku dh taknak aku urut die dh...Msti die kecik ati kn....HUhuhu...Wpn aku slalu salam mintak maap sume..tp mak aku dh majuk dh taknak kene urut..Huhuhuhu..So skang ni bosan2 pn aku urut gk Hubby aku..taknak jd cm ngn mak aku...Tibe2 cite sedey pplak..Hihihihi....

Ermm...ape lg nk cite ek..Aritu aku dh taip nk cite pasal time raya..Emmm...nmpknya biala die jd memori dlm kepala aku je...hihihi...Byk sgt nk cite..tak larat aku...Ape2 pn raya hari tu agak best....Aku hepi......Alhamdulillah....

Last week...Aku gaduh giler ngn Hubby aku..Kes nya die suruh aku bagi die kebebasan...AKu bkn takleh bg...tp aku blom bersedia lg...aku masih perlukan die...And skang..Maybe aku dh bole trime kot...Tp sayu gk kene tinggal...Huhuhuhu....Sayang Bini Tinggal2 kan..Kalu bini cari lain sapa nk jwb? Kenapa org len bole je angkut bini die gi mana2 pn die pegi? Apa hina sgt ke aku ni die nk tinggal taknak bwk aku kalu die nk lepak ngn member2 die? HUhuuhu..Tu yg aku sedeh tu.....Pstu je...Kitrog tak bertegur sapa lama jgk la..HUhuhuhu..Klau ckp pn benda penting je...Tp aku msk kn jgk utk die...Aku urut die..Wpn dlm hati aku kecik ati gk ngn die..HUhuhuhu..Sampai ati die...PStu tibe2..Die tegur aku kt intenet..Which is something yg die jarang buat...Aku yg slalu msg die ckp sayang die rindu die...Tp die tak penah buat malah ckp rimas plak kt aku..HUhuhu..Die mmg suke ckp something yg die tak mean it....tp menyakitkn hati...Huhuhu...Smpai aku percaya..Aku anggap die meant those words...Kijam2....Ha...pstu lepas die tegur tu die ajak tgk wayang..die ckp die dh booked tiket utk kitrog...Wah cm tak sangka giler....Pstu balik aku msk..Pstu mkn....Pstu Hubby peluk aku......Die tak ckp...tp perbuatan die tu buat aku sedar...Die rindu kt aku..Pstu aku sendiri ckp..Aku rindu kt die gak..Uwaaaaa...Pstu die pn bersuara...Nape asek nangis je 2 3 hari ni..Upenye die sedar..tiap2 mlm sblm tdo mmg aku nangis je..Huhuhuhu......Sayu2...Pstu kitorg gi tgk wayang..pstu dh ok dh...Hihihihi..Senang je kn? Tak susah kn nk pujuk org pompuan ni? Ok..maybe perlu duit nk kene baya tiket wayng....But does it worth it? I think...I dont know how MEN thinks, but what i know is, the night did left something special in my heart...I just dont want it to end..........It was so beutiful..............nyum2...ehehe

Okla...i think that is all i want to share today....Nyum2........Hehehe

October 17, 2006

Ramadhan Al Mubarak

First of all, aku nk ucapkan, Salam Ramadhan untuk semua...Smoga kite sume di limpahi keberkatan di bulan yang mulia ni. Walaupun dh tak smpai sminggu lagi nk Raya, aku br nk post salam Ramadhan ni..Hihihi...Lmbt sikit...Hihihi....

Aku jugak nak mintak maap kat semua kalu aku terkasar bahasa...Kalu aku kasar2 tu mmg nmpk mcm aku benci giler la kt org tu..Muahaha..tp sbenanye aku tak benci pn....Aku luahkan supaya to get even..Maknanya org tu dpt 1...Aku pn dpt 1...Kire fair la...Tule aku ni..Ego sgt...Seboleh2 nk mengfair kn ke adaan...Kalu aku rasa org tu dh sakitkn aku..Aku akan sakitkn org tu balik...Kalu aku rasa org tu berbuat baik ngn aku..Aku buat baik balik ngn die...Tule 1 peel aku yg aku sukar nk ubah...huhuhuhu.....Mak aku penah ckp...Kalu aku ego sgt...bole jd giler..ehehehe....Tp nk wt cemana....Kalu aku ubah aku ase aku bole jg giler...ehehehe..Kadang2 aku malas nk layan aku diam kn je la..tp kadang2 tu jarang sgt la berlaku.......

Kembali kepada topik asal....Bulan yang mulia ni apa yg membuatkn aku nk post Article ni? Mudah je, sbb nye ni la 1st time ramadhan aku bersama ngn suami tercinta..Ehehee.....Ade la 2 kali aku tak buke sama ngn die kot setakat ni...sekali tu sbb die gi buke kt luar...Sekali tu sbb 2-2 merajuk takde sape nk pujuk..Ekekkee....Tp sume went ok dh Alhamdulillah...

Every weekend..slagi ade mase aku akan cube berbuke ngn mak aku..dlu time tak kawin aku seboleh2 nk buke ngn member2...Kire cm best la buke luar huha huha jmpe member kn...Tp sbenanye aku rindukan saat berbuke ngn parents aku..Huhuhu..Saat aku masih kecik...Saat aku masih muda...HUhuhuhu....Aku rindu dorg takpe..tp kalu aku tau dorg rindu aku...Kompom sayu la..huhuhu...Bebaru ni hubby aku kate, die taknak la berbuke kt umah mak aku...sbb cm takde weekend yg dok umah.....Pstu die tau la aku cm tak bersetuju...Pstu die suggest ajak mak aku buke kt umah kitrog...Aku pn apa lg...tanpa byk soal aku call mak aku...Mak aku pn dtg la umah aku naik LRT...masa aku nk amik mak aku tu...Adik aku nmpk aku dr jauh die dh jerit nama aku..Huhuhuh..Sedey je bile kenang2 balik...Pstu die pegangla tgn aku smpai kete...Sadis aku bile kenang....Tp hari tu mmg best..Slalu kalu buke umah mak aku..Otomatik aku jd malas n bia mak aku buat sume atau arah adik2 aku buat...Ehehhee...Tp kt umah sendiri....Aku yg buat sume....Dr msk, smpai la kemas meja n basuh pinggan......Tp hubby aku msk gk la..die tu mmg kene bg 1 lauk soh die msk..br la aku bole msk ngn tenang...kalu tak bg nnti kat dapo tu jd la mcm puting beliung selatan timur mana ntah...hua hua hua.....Cm budak2 nk kene bg mainan gi main jauh2...Klau die je msk aku jd assistant pn gitu gk...So sorg msk 1 lauk...Br bole aman.........Tp bab2 kemas2 die mmg tak suke buat la...Die jenis lepas mkn lepak dlu...lepas lepak br kemas..Aku pulak jenis lepas mkn nk kasi mknan turun kemas dlu puas2.....Pstu dapo dh licin br aku lepak.....Kadang2 2 3 kali aku kemas dapo sbb nye hubby aku suke mkn lewat mlm...So stiap kali pn kene basuh2..kene lap2.....Skang ni aku tak larat...Aku bia je la..esok sblm msk la aku bsh...hihihihi.....

Tu br cite berbuka..blom cite bersahur lg...Mlm pertama sahur bersama suami..Telah terkantoi ngn mak metua...Bgn LAMBAT...hihihi...Aku mmg tak tersedar le pg tu...Sedar2 dh ade bau sedap...Tp smpt gk la tolong mak metua aku buat air..Hihihi..n aku one of the 1st person to get up.......mak metua aku n pak metua aku dh bgn dlu...lepas tu abg ipar aku..lepas tu aku..lepas tu hubby aku lepas tu anak2 sedara...n br la biras aku...hihihii....die ade baby..so ade alasan...huhu..tak aci kn...Lepas mkn tros pinggan byk giler...Aku dh ngantok giler dh.....lepas mkn tros smyg pstu tros tdo balik...bgn2 tgk pinggan sume dh basuh..sape lg klau bkn pak metua aku yg bsh...mak metua aku mmg tak larat dh la..die dh la pukul 3 pg dh bgn msk..huhuhu...paling aku ase tak best tu..aku mkn nasi sepinggan....hubby aku mkn 2 suap je..ampes...huhuhuhuu.....

Sepanjang bersahur sendiri kt umah sendiri...Hubby aku tak byk menyusahkan aku...aku yg menyusahkan diri sendiri...sbb aku kalu tak mkn nasik aku takleh pose...hihihi...tp sejak aku period aritu..aku mmg tak bgn sahur..so skang ni aku plak dh mls nk sahur..hihihi....Mlm td hubby aku plak request soh msk nasik n goreng telur utk die...Dlm ati mls la jgk..tp bile dh bgn dh letak kuali...Aku ase segar plak...hihihi...cm best..tu la 1st time die request..n aku turuti..ase cm patuh la plak..wpn goreng telur je..muahahahaha......mmg tak penah le aku msk2 time sahur..kat umah mak aku ade la aku tolong hidang mak aku msk....hihihii.....

Bile kt umah mak aku, aku ase lain sket la..ni bkn lg umah aku....huwaaaaa......ni bkn lg bilik aku..tv aku....komputer riba ayah aku yg aku simpan mcm2 kenangan...huhuhuh...sedey2....Allah tarik sume kebendaan tu dr aku...Tp beri kasih syg utk aku...Iaitu dr hubby aku...N sejak aku kawin..stiap kali nk pisah ngn mak aku aku cium die..huhuuh..So kasih sayang jugak tu kn..So kire bersyukur la...sedey2 gk...Tp alhamdulillah aku ase bersyukur...huhuhu

Raya tahun ni....nnti le aku post lepas raya selamat hari raya plak..hihi....Tp cm dh tak sesuai plak...so SELAMAT HARI RAYA utk sume MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN....baik2 la drive balik kg tu ek...jumpa la di mana2 nnti kite beraya sakan...hihihi

Keep in touch..and take care....mmmmuaahhh......

October 12, 2006

Tactical Move Part -2

I always end up like this, starting something and then I don’t know how to end it. Ok la. Let see what I can do to continue the journey.

After hearing my father about bringing his parents to my house, my Bf smells something fishy about the meeting. So he starts moving slower. When I ask or persuade him, when will he brings his parents? So I can tell my father and mother about it. Though, I had actually shot a date for the so-called meeting ceremony. My Bf felt hesitant about it. I am too excited to realize that he was worried about money. All I can think about is, I want to get married. I want to get married. Hahaha. How desperate, am I?

Ok, I guess I couldn’t stand the slow pace of writing this in English. But I’m using word right now, it corrected my mistake instantly..heheh..Ok so lets continue since my bos taknak start meeting, dengki org nk balik cpt!!! Huargh3….

Lepas tu byk kali la kitrog gaduh, nk dijadikan cerita, time tu Kuyu, my Bf la masa tu, now my hubby..Hehehe.. Okla, I called him Isam among my family members. Since Kuyu was a habitual nick name, I couldn’t know how to address him among friends. Ok la kn Isam tu….So, time ni pulak Isam byk kerja weekend. Kitrog jarang jumpa, takde tgk wayang, takde kuar shopping, Huhuhuhu. Sadisnya. Lepas tu, in between my stories, there come my birthday, he was too busy working on night shift, ada projek ape ntah, he forgot my birthday. Until that evening, a friend of his, kebetulan having the same birthday as mine, was telling him, today’s my birthday! And baru la die realize die lupe Beday aku!!! What a terrible incident, tapi bagi aku point kuat utk merajuk and membuat kan Isam terpaksa mendail no tepon Ibunya di kampong lalu, Mak mak, ada org dh gatal nk kawin mari lah turun ke KL…ekekek..cmtu la lebih kurang kot..ehehe

I don’t remember the dates. But supposedly on January. His mother agreed to come to KL utk sessi peminangan. Actually there was another titik tolak yang berlaku. Tapi Biarlah Rahsia. Hehehe.

Masa hari bersejarah tu, again, my bestfriend Ida, was suddently calling me to bertanya khabar. Dengan tak semena-mena, she was one of the witness of the ceremony. Aku ni dh malas2 so dh start citer pendek2..ehehehe…So sehari sebelum tu, wpn hari jumaat, kuyu ajak aku kuar. Susah nk dpt kuar time hari bekerja. Slalu aku yang ajak die la, tapi die taknak atas alasan penat. So time ni la aku rasa and percaya, die sayang aku cumanya die takde masa untuk aku. Huhuhuhu……tp ntah kenapa, still perasaan ragu2 tu ada.. Pelik tul kn..ehehe…Kirenye kalu aku ase terabai, aku still marah kt die..ekekeke….Kesian jugak kadang2, tp nk buat cemana pn aku tak tau…

So pada hari itu aku pinjam bj Moksu aku, adik ayah aku yg terbongsu sekali. Aku piki dh btol2 tunang. Sbb aku konpius, aritu ayah aku kate takyah nk formal sgt. So anggap je la dh tunang. Pastu Isam pn dh blikan cincin belah rotan untuk majlis tu. So bile majlis tu mak die tros nk set tarikh. Nmpk mcm nk suruh kawin cpt2 tp sbenanye mak die taknak. Hohohoo. Mak die nk raya cina tahun depan. Lama lg kn. Mana tahan..eheheh. Tapi ayah aku BANGKANG, ayah aku kate aku dah kuar ngn Isam kesana kesini lg nk Extend2. Kirenya time tu mak isam dh suruh risik2 la, bile tarikh cadangan kahwin. Pastu aku la yang risik aku ckp bulan 6 hohhoho..Padahal mak aku ckp bulan 8. Pstu bile Isam bulat mata baru la aku ckp bulan 8, pasai adik aku balik dari London time tu. Kira alas an la kn..ehehehe…

So bila mak die ckp nk Raya cina ayah aku bangkang la habis-habisan. Ayah aku nk time adik aku yg balik London tu jugak ada.

Pstu kiranya ayah aku ckp takleh nk consider Tunang lagik. Sbb cincin takde mata. Nenek n Atok aku which is my Ayah’s Parents, pn tak bersetuju. Dorg ni leceh aa. Aku pn tak tau apsai suke susahkn hidup org. Mak aku kate mmg kene cmni. Mane leh senang2 je dpt. Tapi yg susah nye aku, kalu parents diorg fed up cemana? Sib bek tak. Ntah la aku tak paham sgt soal adat2 nih. Yg pasti aku tak bersetuju sgt. Mmg agak membuang masa n duit. Tapi ni kehendak ibu bapa. Memandang kn aku tak saba2 nk ada anak, maybe aku pn akan mcm dorg. Tapi ape relevan nya? Aku kurang paham la masa tu. Skang ni pn cm tak bape nk paham gk. Huhuhu…Tp aku ikotkan jugak..Sbb kira ni mcm membalas jasa dorg jugak.. Biarlah, asalkan diorg happy. Mcm ada kwn aku ckp, lagipun aku kn anak sulung..Huhuhu..Yela2 aku trime la jugak. Tp sbenanye best jugak. Tak sangka aku dpt merasa dirisik, ditunang. Aku penah la sekali terpiki kene tangkap basah pstu kahwin koboi je…Muahahahah. Yelah, time aku tepiki tu aku tgk kuyu cm lek2 je cm taknak kawin ngn aku je..Ekekeke..so aku piki utk sabotaj diri sendiri lalu call Jabatan Agama time aku tengah lepak2 ngn die n kawan. Lalu pakat2 ngn kwn2 aku soh tinggalkan aku berdua-2. Ni dh tahap umo 28 tak kawin lg la..hohoho..Sib bek umo aku 24 aku dh piki strategi yg lebih bagus before mencapai umo 28 tu. Muahahaha..Aku tak pernah ckp rancangan2 kene tangkap basah tu kt org. Tp tu la aku piki. Tu kire dh stock desperate sgt la tu.

Aku bukan ape. Aku dh konpem..Mmg aku suke ngn die. Aku sayang die. Aku nk buat anak ngn die. Bukan la sekadar seks and the city je. Tp aku nk bina keluarga dgn die. Aku dh tau aku mmg nk die dlm hidup aku. Wpn die ada kekurangan n skang ni aku dlm state yg mmg tensen tak hengat nye ngn die. Tp aku still tak rasa ada lelaki lain yg sebaik die. And aku pn bkn la bagus mana. We compliment each other in a way that we are so……..i don’t have the right word for that…But I just know, that we are meant for each other. I know it sounds ‘POYO’ in a way…I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, But I hope we will stay together till death draw a line between us. I am definitely don’t have any idea, what’s going to happen for the next 5 or 10 years. I’m very scared to think further. All I know is I want to be with him. I don’t know why I just want to be with him. The more he kept extending our marriage, the more my head are thinking to pull him towards me, and marry me. Huhuhu. How desperate is that?

So di pendekkan cite. Lepas risik aku telah memaksa Isam pergi kursus kawin. Sbb pada dasarnya, aku dh stuju ngn ayah aku nk bulan 8. Tapi isam stuju ngn mak die nk lepas raya cina. Ala2 setahun lebih tunang la nih. Tunang kitrog jatuh pada bulan 3, 2006. Pada 11hb March 2006. Hari sabtu. Kepada sesapa yang aku mentioned 12hb tu, sori la, aku tak igt sbenanye. Ni br refer calendar. Lgpn cm ntah la…time tu Isam warning aku jgn bgtau sesapa. So aku cam serba salah nk bgtau org. Huhuhu. Kire sblm tunang tu mmg cm tipu2 org sekeliling aa. Pstu cm aku bkn pandai simpan rahsia tu yg tipu2 tu. Huhuhu. Pstu ntah la aku pn tak paham kenape ngn aku ni. Lepas tunang br aku reveal and baru cite sebenar terkeluar. Hehehe.

Lepas pergi Kursus kahwin, and die balik kg berbincang ngn mak die and kitrog start bli brg tunang sume, dorg tibe2 mencapai kate sepakai. Ok jugak buat bulan 8 tu. Mcm best je…ekekek..Bole lak family isam gitu. Igt memain ke..ehehe..

Dh family aku pulak cm hesitant. Ayah aku cm tak bersedia. Sudah. Pstu time ni aku pakai plan B. Aku menggunakan Atok aku. Muahahaha. I’m very lucky there is not much communication happened between Atok aku n Ayah aku. Aku tak sangka pn aku ade plan B. Tp bile atok aku Tanya aku. Aku pn Ape lg. Bulan 8 tok. Dan menggunakan nama adik aku yg balik London tu. Time tu aku tak sure die balik bile, so aku kate kat Atok aku, Bulan 8 tu sedang elok la tu. Muahahahaha. Ayah aku kalau tau ni sure bengang giler. Ehehee..

Smpai hari bersejarah tu, bermula lah sessi utk bertunang. Masa diorg bincang aku dok dlm bilik. Tp yg pasti atok aku yg berkata2. Ayah aku mendiamkan diri. Muahahahaha..Bagus2. Plan aku Berjaya. Tp time ni satu benda aku start piki….Kalu sapa2 jd aku sedey tak? Hhehehe…

2 3 minggu selepas tunang adalah time yg paling best skali dlm tempoh pertunangan aku…Mmg takde gadoh2..Serius……Aku cm nk bgtau kt sume org…Best tunang ni…..Sume pn cm smooth je. Blom start bli brg kawin lg. Baru cm start kumpul2 duit. Lagipun kitrog dh settle kursus kahwin so takyah la susah2 nk piki pasal kursus kahwin lg. Wpn kuyu busy…And aku pn br dpt keje br n agak busy jugak. That’s why kot aku tak smpt nk merajuk2. Ujung mggu pn kadang2 dok umah je..HUhuhu..mmg pn dh kuyu makin busy keje. Siap mlm2 keje. Aku tak tensen pn pada 2 3 minggu pertama tunang.

Sbb aku start slow down kot. Aku mula pikir aku ni dh desperate ke. Pstu aku nk kuyu amik cuti so kitrog bole kuar jln2. Aku rindu nk kuar jln2 ngn die. Tapi aku takde cuti aku kene simpan cuti aku n Isam pn takleh cuti skang sbb die busy. Huhuhu. Pstu ade la mggu ke -3 kot lepas tunang kitrog kuar. Die bwk aku gi One Utama. Ni la first time aku gi situ. Mmg best la.. Byk kali die Tanya aku, best tak kt sini? Mstila best..Muahahah..siap sesat2 takleh nk kuar. Bole lak sesat dlm tu. Pstu dh penat singgah kafe, kafe jmpe lak parking tak jmpe. Pstu kat kafe pergaduhan pertama kitrog. Tak igtla sbb ape. Ooo aku pilih tmpt duduk pstu die cm dengki nk gk duduk kt tmpt yg die pilih aku tak paham ade perbezaan die. Nape takleh duduk kt tmpt yg aku pilih? Itupon nk gaduh kn…ekekekeke…Pstu aku pn majuk la….Ps mkn aku lari kuar dari kafe tu sbb aku ajak die taknak aku bellah je la..Muahaha..Time belah tu aku tak dgr pn die pggl aku ke tarik2 aku…Sedey…majuk tp takde org pujuk ..Dh la kunci kete sume kt die….Aku nk balik dr situ mmg tak tau…Aku mane penah pegi..Mula la piki kalu naik teksi bape juta plak nk kne byr…Start lak piki dlm purse aku ade bape inggit je…Skali tibe2 ade org tarik tgn aku…Ooo die kejar gk upenye..Hehehe…..

Aku pn tak tau nape aku majuk…Maybe sbb dh lama tak jmpe so aku jd over sensitip kot…Hehhehee…pstu time balik die ckp die penat kejar org tu majuk td…dgn kate lain aku la tu kene bwk kete…Muahahahaha….pstu tgh2 bwk aku ckp la…..tak best kn…..kawin mcm tak kawin…die ckp apsal plak….yela…bkn die yg ajak aku kawin…aku yg pakse die soh kawin ngn aku….so mcm terhegeh2……sib bek die pujuk aku td..kalu die tak pujuk…aku sure rasa mcm pompuan tak laku dok terhegeh2 kat lelaki….padahal..aku mmg pilih die…aku mmg suke die….salah ke terhegeh2 kat lelaki yg aku suke? Ntah2 die tak suke kt aku..Ntah2 die couple ngn aku sbb takde pompuan lain dh…Pastu die ckp..igt aku je yg pilih die..die pn pilih aku gk…pstu start la cite ade pompuan lain ngorat die gk..tp die taknak…pstu bile aku ngorat die , die nk plak….Ohh please..bile plak aku ngorat die…ekekekeke…….pstu dh cite2…die ckp la plak…ha ah ek….nape aku yg ajak die kawin bkn die yg ajak aku kawin..pstu time tu dh smpai kt Kwsan perindustrian bebas, tmpt keje aku skang……Kt kelana jaya gk la kn…Pstu die ckp..Bak mai tgn…pstu die bukak cincin tunang aku…..time tu aku pakai kt tgn kiri kot…pstu die ckp..will you marry me..pstu die pakai kn balik…huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhhuhu…Terharu aku…eh jap..tibe2 br aku teringat…mende ni berlaku before aku tunang lg…ekekekeke..time ni kitrog gi One Utama utk bli cincin tunang..Muahahaha…aku dh messed up cite…org pening nk baca……Time ni time 2 3 minggu lepas risik…bkn lepas tunang…Hohohohoho…..

Tp betul la..lepas 2 3 minggu lepas tunang mmg takde gaduh2…ehehehehe

Kire cmtu la journey nya..wpn tonggang tebalik…aku tingat la sape ntah die tulis blog…last skali msti ade kesimpulan kepada apa yg die nk tulis…best sket nk baca..so aku pn nk buat gk..ehehe

Kesimpulannya, perkahwinan ni adalah ketentuan ilahi. Walau cmne pn kite sebagai manusia wajar berusaha…Bukan sekadar aku nk kawin aku nk kawin……..Dlm usaha tu kompom ade obstacle yg kite kene hadapi dengan tenang dan sabar…….

Cm skang ni Allah tgh duga aku nk dpt anak. Dh 3 kali period ni..Huhuhuhu……Aku pn tak tau la nape…Aku risau gk kot2 aku tak subur ke ape ke kn…hehehe……..tp aku tak kn la nk gi check skang…Awal gile..at least tunggu setahun ke kn…Hehehehe….tp kire skang ni aku blom stabil lg ngn Isam. Makan pakai kitrg pn cukop2 je ini nk ade baby lak, lg la kn….So probably tahun depan Isam naik gj ke dpt keje best ke..mana tau kan..Hopefully…Aku mmg nk baby n suke baby…Sape ade baby tu beware la aku akan cium2 n peluk2 slalu..dlu mak aku suruh aku basuh berak adik2 aku mmg mls sgt….tp skang aku rindu nk buat tu sume…And bile balik kg Isam aku buat sume tu ase best sgt…Mmg skang ni aku nk anak plak…Aku blom putus ase…Skang ni dh takde tactical move utk dpt anak…Mmg sume pn bergantung kepada nasib…Klau kawin tau jugak la cmne nk tektik2..tu pn ikot nasib gk sbenanye..Buatnya atok aku bincang2 ngn ayah aku..tak kawin lg aku time ni agaknye kn…Wallahualam…..


Cmtu la cite aku..sekian……:D

September 22, 2006

Tactical Move - Part 1

Actually I had thought about this since yesterday. Did I ever reveal my Tactical Move to anyone? I'm not sure. But even My Closest Friends didn’t know it.

From the beginning of Raya last year, I told my BF (at that moment), that he might want to start meeting my parents. Since we never reveal our relationship to my parents, they also confused caused I never specifically told them with whom I was going out with all this while. So I think it's a good time to start meeting them. My BF rejected my opinion at 1st. Because he said, it's not that he was not serious about ‘US’, but he doesn’t want my parents to think that we are ready to get married. He said to me, he had not enough saving to marry me yet. I was sad. But despite that, I got my own saving as a backup. But of course I didn’t tell him. For that backup, I decided to start my strategically planning to trick my own 'Husband to Be' or what do you think I should call him then? hehehe...

At first, I convinced him, my parents never know about his existents, so why on earth could they want to force us to get married? (Which I also think possible, just to make my BF to come over and meet them with out realizing any consequences) Relationships come with a level. If we are scared to face 1 level how are we going to move on? (Another point I raised up to him) He was already getting nervous about it and I calm him down. This move is to make them know, who I am going out with, where I go, and to show, that you aren’t just some scumbag who will leave their daughter just like that. Just to prove how serious are you in our relationship. Do you think they are going to rise up married issue? No they wouldn’t. So I make him agreed on my points. He was ready. Next move was to get my parents ready.

So on that day that we both decided for the meeting, first I need to make sure my parents are both home. I told my mother, my closest friend which she heard so many times but never know who he was to me, Kuyu, as I called him and addressed him previously, is coming over for Raya. I was planning to tell my mother, Kuyu is going to announced something about me and him to my mother and father. And I hope my mother would understand the double meaning of that statement. That is, our first step of moving towards marriage. You know, for us, as young people, first step means, first step. I am referring to; it’s a first move which didn’t mean that it should lead to the next step as soon. For example, if you are registering yourself to take a Degree, you have to go there, learn, have examinations, assignments, like for 4 to 5 years, and then you will receive your Degree. But for them, especially on the marriage of their children, ok so you introduce him to me, bringing him home, we are kind of like this guy. So you like him too. So why wait? That is a good question. Why WAIT? Which my Kuyu was thinking of the young people first move. Maybe her parents would let us be as a couple for couple of years and let me save up some money seriously now. You are just so wrong my dear. Hehehe.

Just so I’m about to tell her about why he is coming over, my friends are calling me to come over. (Hey korg suke ye dtg2 tak plan cmtu. Tau2 sume dtg sekali gus..Ampesss..ehehehe). So I got busy at no time. So I told my mother, there are a few friends coming over too. Conversation is as below:-

Ummi : Ramai nye kawan nak dtg. Dorg plan ke?
Aku : Tak de la, ntah knape sume nk dtg arini.

Boring betul. Ekekeke. Tp takpela. Maybe you guys could witness my Historical moment. Hehehe. I didn’t remember Kuyu was from where that time. But I think he was coming from his hometown (Sg Besar). He was just back from Raya Holiday something like that kot..hehehe.... So when he reached my house, I was already preparing dishes for my friends. I think Gurl, Matleh, Kelah and Emy was reaching my house first before Kuyu. What a bummer. On this cruciating moment, since i was trying to avoid telling them what is really going on right now, Kuyu reached my house. And as seeing everybody was here, my parents went upstairs. Huhuhuhu. I thought I could make this history become more serious as all of my friends were there. So I remember, after reaching 3pm, all of them were retiring to go back. So Kuyu was getting more nervous. I thought he want to forget about this first move. I was instantly blaming myself to let the friends coming over. But it is Hari Raya! Everybody is coming over. Huhuhuuh. Datang sesuka hati. Hehe. I will feel guilty if I ask them to come some other time. It is Raya, you can come whenever you like. And I don’t want if there is no some other time. So as I went out to send Kuyu to the door, he asks me to follow him to K4 Wangsa Maju. He said, He needs time to calm down. Wah. I felt there is a bright light for me there. So I followed him. We were talking again about the meeting. I was convincing and consulting him. And again I told him not to worry about money if my parents ask him to marry me soon. But I told him how soon could it be? 1 year? We should have enough time. Hehehe…Strategically I was doing that? Could you believe me? As for the record, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS HAPPEN ON RAYA LAST YEAR IT IS NOT EVEN PUASA NOW, AND I AM MARRIED 1 MONTH AGO! So it was not even 1 year, I am married. Alhamdulillah.

So aku dh penat sbenanye..ehhehe..tp takpe..sambung je la sikit je lagi…eheheh

So on the meeting. My mother and father were sleeping at that time when Me and Kuyu left home to K4. But my father usually could feels if anything is not right. So when we got back home, I saw him woke up and instantly open the TV set. So Kuyu went in and seated by my father. They start to talk about what is on the TV. As for Hari Raya, I assumed that my father was OK with that talk. So I went upstairs and called my mother to go down. As everyone is now at the living hall, My father, mother and Kuyu, I went to the kitchen preparing drinks. Kuyu was still talking about sports, my father telling him old stories, about sports. I’m getting tense, my mother is getting bored. Around 6pm, my best friend Ida called up. She told me she wants to come to my house for Hari Raya. She also didn’t want to miss the moment. She never knows about it, but she was the first one to know what the occasions is all about. But she didn’t know, it was my plan for my big day. It’s not just introducing Kuyu to my parents. It had double meaning inside it. Hehehe. Is not that I don’t want to tell you everything, it was just, I never do anything like this, you know when you are planning something, you are anxious and you feel like you want to do it on your own. But she had catched me on the act, but still, for her, although this is still one of the most historical moments of my life. But still, it was just A step which she thought as the same as Kuyu. The first step but requires a timeline. Which nobody ever knew, the timeline I was thinking is even shorter.

So around that time, my mother was asking, isn’t Kuyu has something else to say? She had smells something else. Since she knew Kuyu was also there when Gurl, Matleh, Kelah and Amy were here. So if Kuyu still here now and is already 6pm, so there could be something else rather than just for Hari Raya visits. So Kuyu started to get trembled. Then the knowing each other for more than 3 years came out. Being coupled for that period came out. Having to have a son-in-law came out. It is about time my father said. He said, he never know about our secrets, that we have been seeing each other all this while, but it is about time. He starts telling us his friends were already having married daughters. So this is about time for him too. He keeps telling us that. He asks Kuyu one question which made Kuyu trapped on my strategical planning. Muahahaha. What are you thinking when you came here and telling me you and my daughter is an item? (of course he was talking in BM, but then again it’s an English article, I just feel stupid if I speak in Malay. Muahahaha). So want it or not, like it or not, he have to say, ‘I wanted to marry her!’ And so and this point, all the jingling all the way in me and Kuyu’s heart start!

So my father asks him to bring his parents to my house. Ask his parents to talk about this further. Make them meet each other!

My journeys, to be continued...............................

(penat la plak…ehehe)

September 01, 2006

Ibu Mertua Ku...

Pengalaman dirumah ibu mertua. Hehehe...

The moment my feet touches the ground, i felt so cold and trembling. Everything seems to be moving around. My hands and feets are shaking. I can barely feel my body. I'm was not inside. I'm so scared and dont know what i will face at my Mother In Law 's house. Huhuhu...

Reminded by a friend of mine, there a funny thing happened before we reached to my mother in law's house. On moving our butts there, i as the bride and bridegroom, was feeling weird to drive by ourself to the house. So we ask a friend, matleh to drive for us. And then a friend told us, our car is too small, so we changed to new car of Myvi owned by Gurlz. And then when we already in and ready to go, we dont have any driver for the car, and need to shout(coz we r in a hurry) to matleh to change his position. Once we were ready to get going, my uncle drive by and ask us to join him since his car is bigger (Perdana). My face already sweating and we changed car again for the third time. Muahahaha... Dont know why it must happened like this. Hehe...

My husband was not my husband once my parents went home. Is not that he was not a good husband, is just that, all his friends are coming so he need to attend them and be as a good friend of everybody. He appreciate them very much. But I, so shy and scared to step my foot inside the house. Since everybody already went back. Only a few of my husband's friends left still eating. And at this point, i cant speak with his friends. They seems to be speaking different languange. And i dont want to spoil the joyfull thought of my husband. So I kept quite. And felt bored. But wht to do. I cant just simply ask them to leave. I dont want to do that. I appreciate them as well. But i cant join their conversation, i felt terible not to join them, but i just simply dont know wht to say. I'm sorry.

And when i was bored and so exhausted from the travelling from KL, my nieces and my nephews of my husband was running around me. They were calling me 'Pengantin' and pronounce it 'Penantin'. So funny and enjoyfull. I, fastly chose my favorate niece and nephew, Chika and Naqib. I like the way they teased me and laugh at me. And I just love it, where i could hug them and let them sit on my nap where everybody else failed to do it. They were like falling with their naughtiness on my presents. But not all the time la, but ok la...hehehe......I missed them a lot on writting this blog...hmmmm......

Also I missed kak ngah, thirah and her sister, siti sarah, apis, atip, naim, aiman and haziq. They were all my nieces and nephew now. :).....

So i start my agenda at the end of 4pm that day. Saturday the 26th of August 2006. All the friends are back. And leaving me and husband to the game.....hehehe..

After changing my cloths, praying, i went to the kitchen. Let see wht i can do to help? And i was helping my husband's 2nd-sister-in-law preparing for dinner. I am not sure where my husband went that time. But later i found out he was making the drinks for dinner. It was sweet of him and i felt so much energized to help out more. You know, you dont have to force your wife to be 'Rajin', by showing your effort, we feel so much easier to put our best effort too. ;)....

And the first day as the 'Pengantin' of the house, the next morning. I went down to the kitchen again and help them out for breakfast. After the breakfast, i went out helping my husband to clean up the mess from the wedding. It was nothing different from other 'Kenduri'. But the different thing is, i am the pengantin now. I am feeling so happy and love my hubby so much. As i see him doing all the work, i love him more and more and i thought that he look sexier day by day...hehehehe...It is tiring but it is worthifull...:)....And the after that, i took my shower and then went straight to prepare the dishes for lunch. Wow what a tight schedule. In between that, i played with naqib and the rest and i was so fun since this is the last day the will be here. Tomorrow gonna be a more restfull day as said by my mother in law. All of them will be leaving and the house will become so quite.

It is so true. The next day, the house is so quite compared to yestesday(which was on sunday). The same rutin ruled out on monday. Breakfast, cleaning up, lunch. And the different is, on the afternoon, we went to the relatives house. Wah, it starting from 3pm to 11pm that night. It was soooooo tiring. And we when straight to sleep that night.

In the morning, Tuesday. The last day i will be there. We woke up late since we were so tired. My mother in law already prepared breakfast for us. Oh my god. She was so sweet. She made Nasi Lemak and after enjoy the breakfast, me and my hubby when to the market to buy things for lunch. We cooked 'Ketam masak lemak' that day. It was a success, and i am happy to see my mother and father in law eat a lot that afternoon. And after lunch, my mother in law, i call her 'Mak', ask us to bring her to shopping. She need to buy a few things. It's not a big thing to us, and it was our pleasure to fullfill her request. So we went to Sg Besar and help her out in buying 'Kain Ela' for the grand children. And as i went there,i've found a sweet 'Kain Ela' for me and my hubby. So we bought a set for us. We didnt planned for any baju raya. So we appreciated the request. And now, we have bj raya too. :)...On the way back, we stop by my hubby mak teh's house to send the 'Kain' for her to sew. And when we got back to the house, Naqib and his sibbling is there. I fastly reconized his presents. I feel so happy to see him. But still, i missed him now.. You know this little guys naqib, he looks so sleepy everytime. He always got mad when i ask him, do he want to go to sleep. No, he is not sleepy actually, it's his eyes, it's 'KUYU'!!..Hahaha...Kecik2 dh kuyu. That's what i told my hubby. Since that is my hubby's nickname or knownname among the friends. hehe...

So on the way home. I realize something. We dont have the key to enter our house. I am so nervouse my hubby started to change his face. He's not disapointed at me, he cant, because it was his keys that is lost. I have my own key, but the thing is, my key is not complete. Since i expect that we will go to stay for a long time at his mother's home, i locked everything and we ended up cant enter the house that night on our arival. It was so frustrating and we're both very tired. So my husband decided to climb through the kithchen window. It seems so dangerous to me since in between the window and the driveway, there was a hole direct to the gound floor and we are at 6th floor. I cant imagine wht could happen. I forbid him from doing so and think about anything else but he scolded me and ask me to shut up. I really dont know wht to do, i felt my feet started to shake and i went away cant see what he is doing. I heard the kitchen window wracking and sounding like someone steping and holding to it. Then i saw my hubby's leg didnt touch the divider of the driveway anymore and the wracking sound stop. And i know, he made it inside the house and fastly went to the front door waiting for him to open the door. I look at his face deeply and got very sad and frustrating. What if he fell? What if i couldnt able to see him again? I know i got too emotional, but who wont got scared if she could be loosing something so precious in ur life? We talked about it later that night. But i cant still accept his action. I said to him, please dont do it again nexttime. We'll find another way, but just dont jeopardise his life for anything like that anymore. I couldnt take it. And he understand. Alhamdulillah....

And today. I'm working again. I start writting this article on wednesday only finished it today. I want to write it down, so i will remember this important moment of mylife. I think that is all for now. So bye.

August 21, 2006

My Marriage

Sebenarnye dh lama aku nk story pasal PERKAHWINAN aku yg tak berape nk gempak tu...hehehe....Takdela. Bkn sbb nk bgtau org sgt...tp sbb utk igt kan diri aku sendiri jugak.....AKU DH KAWIN!....hehehe.....So sedar la diri aku sikit....

Hari sebelum nikah tu aku lek lg...Takde rasa apa2 debaran pun.....Member2 aku dok tanya...Aku ckp ade la sikit...Aku pn cm ct nurhaliza gk...HIPOKRIT la org kata....Abih kang kalu aku kate aku tak rase ape2 korg kate aku poyo lak kn...So baik la aku ckp ade la sikit...Sbb mgkin ade la sikit kot.......

Pstu aku tolong la mak aku buat persiapan sikit2.....Teman die gi chow kit bli la ape2 yang patut....Still aku tak rase ape2 pun time tu...Cume rase best la dh kawin.....Aku piki yang baik2 je..Lepas kawin takyah la aku gaduh nk kuar dating lagi...dh kuar dating takyah la gaduh nk kene balik...Kene pisah...Best2...Lepas ni umah aku dekat ngn opis senang nk gi keje.......Bestnye la rase time tu.............Aku ade la tepiki kesian kat Ummi aku lepas ni sape la nk tolong2 die lg kat rumah....Adik2 aku yg kecik2 tu takdela kecik mana....Tp cm takleh nk diharap sgt....Yela...lepas ni tinggal Faidz ngn Zayed je...Zayed tu bole la diharap jugak...Faidz tu manja sgt....Kesian ummi aku.....Aku tak kesian sgt kat ayah aku...Sbb die suke blagak takde ape2..Sume akan OK.........tp skang bile piki balik pemikiran aku time tu....Aku sedey sket....Huhuhu..Ape la punye anak aku ni.........

Hish aku ni tak buat keje buat mende ni lak...Ha..lg satu yg aku terasa sgt....Kalu bosan2 dok umah...umah aku skang takde internet..tak mcm umah Ummi Ayah aku...huwaaaaa...Kat opis je ade internet...Arini bos aku blom masuk lg...maybe cuti ngn family die lame tak jmpe br balik dr US...so aku amik kesempatan jap....Padahal ade keje die bg aku tak buat lg nih...Huhu...

Justeru mlm time nikah tu aku masih blom sedar lg....serius beb...aku cool je beb...member baik aku Gurlz tego la..apsal ko cool sgt...Dlm ati maybe becoz IDA peneman aku dr awal smpai akhir.....Tp tak tau la..aku cube gk buat2 gabra...tp bg aku nmpk no blakon...Huhuhuhu.........Tp takpe la...aku pn nengok la Kuyu pakai bj nikah puas2...Wah..kawin jugak aku ngn die ni ek...Kagum2 aku ngn die...Tahan gak die ngn perangai aku ni......Aku ni takdela lawa mana.....Idong kembang....Gemuk dari die.....Byk kekurangan..Huhuhuhu........Pastu aku tgk la member2 aku dtg mlm tu....Wah....aku ase nk peluk sorg2...Sib bek aku ni pompuan..so aku peluk yg perempuan je la....

Ade kejadian kelakar la pada aku mlm aku nikah..lepas nikah la ni masa mkn.....Ade sorg Pakcik ni..sedara aku la...smpai la ni aku tak tau la sape die tu...Hahaha....Yang tau die org Ganu....Sedara nenek aku la....Belah ayah aku....Punye la borak2 ngn aku ni..Beriya2...Dlm ati...tak tau ke aku ni br je kawin..Apsal yg beriya sgt nk borak ngn aku ni...Gi la borak ngn bacelor2 len...Ekekeke...Pstu dh la ape die ckp aku tak phm..Aku a ah kn aje la....Dlm ati..bile pakcik ni nk berenti...hahaha...Klaka je aku ase time tu..Tu la time paling gabra skali aku ase...sbb tak penah lak aku kene tegur ngn org tak dikenali..pstu ckp ngn aku mcm dh kenal aku lama tp aku tak paham langsung pon...Tapi yg pasti die tu sedara aku cume tak dpt aku ketahui pangkat die pada aku..Hentam sajalah labu...ekekekeke.....

Tibe la masa2 yg dinantikan..jeng2.....Mlm pertama ku...ahahah..takdelah...tu lmbt lg....Setel kenduri dlu beb...hehehehe.....

Hari seterusnya...tanggal 5hb Ogos 2006.....Skang ni igt lg la..lepas ni tak tau la kn...ekekekekeke...Aku nk igt...aku harap kuyu pn akan ingt gk..Amin........ Pg2 tu lapa la pulak......Pstu aku pn disuruh mak aku buang smpah2 drpd mlm td......Kire mlm nikah tu kitrog msk sendiri..Byk la smpah2....Pstu aku gi buang ngn Pak Usu aku..Adik umi aku yg aku panggil Pak Wee.....Name die Shukri....Org len panggil Wee..Kitrog anak2 sedare panggil Pak Wee...Tp die lg muda dr aku la....Arwah nenek aku bole tahan gak die nye kesuburan tu..ehehe

Pastu sekali dengan buang smpah kitorg di suruh bli breakfast skali..Memandangkan aku volunteer......Aku pn ajak Pak Wee ni...sebutan wi tau...ehehee...

Mase buang smpah kitorg buang kt rumah org buat renovation..pstu kene panggil kitrog pn chow chin chow la...Huish...Ni paling ngeri time ni....Pstu pakwee tu bebel la..Apsal la soh buang kt umah org...Abis tu je tong sampah besar yg aku tau..HUhuhu...Tp die tak mrh la...Brani la..aku ni lg tua dr die tau..ekekeke...ampes je anak sedara...Pstu Gi bli roti canai ngn nasi lemak....

Balik2 tu adik aku yg no2..Talhah nama penuh..nama pendek lala, balik...Huhuhuhu...Terharu aku...Kesian aku tgk die....Nth la aku takleh nk cite skang la...Lg sedey aku ase nnti.....

Pastu time ni aku dh tak buat keje ape2...Aku dok dlm bilik tunggu mak andam je la..time tu dh mandi sume la..Adoi la mana la mak andam ni...Huhuhuuhu....Pstu Smpai la mak andam tu.....Kire dh pasang pelamin mlm sehari sebelum nikah la....Pstu makeup2....Tunggu pengantin plak..By the time tunggu pengantin tu dtg la tetamu2..Kwn2 aku...Kwn2 mak aku....sedara mara sume...Siap peluk aku lg...Time ni cm best sket la...Aku ni mcm pengantin yg tak tau apa2...Dorg plak men suke2 peluk je..Bagus2..Aku suke cmtu.....Takdela aku ase cm aku ni pengantin sgt...Aku tgk dlu pengantin2 kt Kg aku...Takde plak kene peluk2.....Diorg cm tak sangka aku ni dh nak kawin...Huhuhu..Aku dh besar la wei..Dh tue pn....Huhuhuhu.....tp takpe la..suke gk kene peluk ni....

Pstu smpai la Jejaka Idaman aku tu...Wah hensem tu.....Kuyu ni mmg suke bergaya kalu korg nk tau..Kalah aku la..tu die pakse aku makeup2 tu..Jd wanita vouge la konon2..Tp aku tak reti..Jd cm minah snget ade la..Ahahaha..tp aku cube la jugak.......Die skang dh jd suami aku....Aku nk la cube jd yg terbaik utk die...Aku nk kitrog nye perkahwinan...ikatan..Yg tulus ni..Kekal smpai bila2..Insyaallah.....Amin.......

Aku tak nmpk dh org len...Mak die ke..Bapak die ke...Sedara2 die ke...Nmpk la...tp tak semua....Tau2 je aku dh ade kt meja mkn pengantin...Tau2 je...Aku dh mkn..Minum air bandung..Sedap...Thanks maklong.....Kenduri aku takde orgenizer...Sempoi nk mampus and takde hala...Ahahahaa...nasib la..Aku malas nk buat...Sbbnye..bia la aku sorg je yg simpan......Kompang pn takde...Aku nk jd mawi ngn siti nurhaliza...Biala aku sorg je simpan...Ahahaha..takdela gempak sgt pn sbb musabab nye tu...Tp dh malas nk wt cmne kn....Hehehe..Tp aku puas ati ngn baju aku....ngn pelamin aku..Bia la org kate makeup aku mcm opera cina..Biala org kata bj aku merah sgt..Biala kuyu pn kata bunge die byk sgt...tp aku kata aku puas ati....Aku ni jenis yg tak memilih..And aku tak cerewet...Senang kn? senang tak korg rasa? Aku rasa mudah....Aku ade byk halangan lain aku nk piki....Tp bkn la aku nk sembunyikan rasa kecewa aku...Aku mmg btol2 puas ati.....Aku tak peduli ape org kate.....Tambah plak..member baik aku kelah pn puji....Majlis dh mcm grand kompang je takde...Aku dh ase cm berbesar ati die kate cmtu....Aku rasa lega...sume dh selesai.....Dan still..Aku takde rasa gabra....

Mlm tu...aku mula rasa pelik..Eh apsal la takde rasa gabra ni...Gabra la..cpt la Gabra la...Tp tak gabra2 jugak..Ish ish ish......Lg tak gabra...Kuyu kate...Kite takyah main la ek..nnti ade jerit2 lak......aku pn cm pelik.....die ni Gay ke...ke aku ni tak ckp menghairahkn..aku kn suke piki bkn2...Ahahaha..tp lantakla...aku ngntok n penat gak ase...So tdo je la..tp tak aman gk la...Sbb....ntah..ahahaha..tp aku masih dara lg la keesokkan nye ek..jeng2....hehehe.....

Pastu keesokkannye..lepas dh basuh2 periuk...pstu takde ape2 aktiviti...makcik2 aku sume dh balik umah masing2....tinggal family aku je la....pstu kuyu ajak aku gi kenduri kawan die...br sehari kawin dh gi kenduri kawin org len...hahaha...ntah ape2 je aku ase..tp aku layan kan aje la...time ni ase la kemanisan baru kawin..maklumlah br kn...hehehehe..ntah la....org yg penah kawin tau la kot ase die cemana....ase cm best la...ko dok sebelah husband ko.....slame ni pakwe ko..tunang ko....skang ni dh husband ko...cmtu la...ase cm manis la keadaan tu..lepas kenduri member die tu...kitorg gi survey barang rumah..and siap bli washi-machine skali......

The nextday...br la kitrog abis kemas umah keramat permai...sikit2 tu bole la...the rest mak aku la tu ...sape lg..sian ummi aku tu...huhuhu....pstu tgharitu...ayah aku n umi aku sendiri la anta aku gi umah baru aku............time dorg anta tu ase bese je...siap gado kecil2 lan lg ngn ayah aku...huhuhu...tp time dorg nk pegi tu aku ase nk nangis.....ntah la....tu la aku ase time diorg anta aku gi UTM...tp kali ni...aku ase lg teruk la sket.......tp aku tahan...aku tak nangis la kn....yela..manis br kawin terasa lg......pstu naik atas kemas2 umah...wah penat nye......pstu mlm tu jugak kitorg bli katil br...almari br......sofa br......best2...hehehehe......rumah kitorg dh agak lengkap gk la.....dgn hadiah2 dr sume org lg.....best2......aku ase nk peluk sume org...ehehehe.....

pstu kitrg gi honeymoon....tp kitrg keje dlu la 2 3 hari.....pstu time honeymoon pn best...manis je ase.......dh tak igt dh sedey kt parents aku tu.......kadang2 tringat tp tak ase nk nangis la..........

pstu khamis lepas...aku demam....demam teruk gk la..time tu aku dok sorg2 tgk tv kt umah br aku tu......pstu aku ok je la...aku lipat kain..basuh bj dr honeymoon......pstu ptg tu aku dpt msg...kuyu balik lmbt....aku ok je lg...pstu tgk tv...skali aku tepiki pasal parents aku....huish sedey siot..dh la dok sorg2...kalu kat keramat permai..tak smpt nk ase dok sorg2.......pstu bergenang air mata aku sket.......pstu mlm tu kuyu balik...aku ok balik......pstu esok nye aku demam lg..kuyu anta gi keramat permai...aku ok lg time tu......tp mlm tu...kuyu balik lmbt lg...lmbt giler.....aku tunggu2....tak smpai2 gk...upenye die balik umah ktorg dlu amik brg..aku jd cm apsal la die taknak balik tros jmpe aku ni...pstu aku nangis...die balik.....kitrog discuss sume...die explain la nape die balik umah sume...aku ok balik aku sorry balik dekat die.......pstu nextday kitorg gi penang.......time tu aku dh ok sikit demam la.....pstu kire jauh la pejalanan ni....ckp2 sikit2 je ngn kuyu...pstu gadoh2 sbb sesat nk carik umah member aku kt penang tu..pstu ok balik.......pstu gelak2....on the way balik KL tu....aku dh kebah demam n rasa sehat sikit...Kuyu plak dh over penat..sbb die dh la balik lmbt mlm sblm tu.....and die mmg pening kepale byk keje skang...so aku pn bwk la kete....tp aku tak pakai spek...sbb tak jmpe spek aku kt ne...pstu time bwk tu...ari dh makin gelap...makin gelap..makin terhad la pemandangan aku.........

pstu aku tringat la ayah aku slalu ngadu tak nmpk..padahal die dh pakai spek tu....kire aku sedar la...die dh tue.....so mcm2 la berlaku....aku tingat la...ummi aku pn skang slalu bising tak nmpk...agaknye cmni la diorg nye pandangan kot.....aku tingat la..aku dh tak dok ngn diorg lg..cmne la diorg...kuyu tgh tdo time tu...terkejut die bile bukak mata tgk air mata aku bergenang...aku nk ckp...tp tak tckp ngn die sbb aku tgh syahdu sgt time tu.......aku nangis...nangis n nangis je............tak benti2..lebih 10 minit kuyu soh benti tepi bia die bwk kete pulak........aku ckp tak pela...bahaya..bia aku bwk...maybe pembawakkan aku period gk kot...ntah la....tp syahdu sgt..mcm2 aku piki..........ntah la aku dh lupe pe aku pikikn tu yg pasti aku sedey.....pstu aku tak pat nk cite kat kuyu plak time tu....last2 aku cite la...haa aku piki skang ni dok jauh ngn parents aku pn aku dh sedey..cmne la kalu diorg dh takde nnti....huwaaaaa...

dlu time masuk utm...aku tak tepiki nk bli katil ke.....ape ke..sbb pd aku.....keramat permai tu my only home.....skang ni aku kene transition yg sebetik2 nya bak kata emylia elisa awek kelah tu....ehehehe.....aku ase cm susah...aku ase gementar....time ni aku cite kt kuyu la aku ckp kt die...pstu kuyu ckp jgn isau...die kn ade...aku bkn ade dlm umah tu sorg2..die pn ada skali......tp aku still ase insecure......aku tak tau nape...and aku nangis3.....slame ni aku brani je....dok umah sorg2......sbb tu aku piki umah parents aku....diorg tau nk jaga keselamatan aku cmne...padahal aku bkn budak2 lg...aku patut tau nk jaga keselamatan aku sendiri....gi pn tau la kuyu cmne nk pstikan keselamatan aku...huwaa.....tp sedey gk time tu....tp bile sebut part mati..kuyu ckp jgn la...die pn touching gak bile tingat parents die....huwaaa..........

Tu la pengalaman aku....baru nk masuk mggu ke-3 bergelar isteri....cm bese sume org mengharapkan yg indah2...Aku mengharapkan BABY......heehhe....Tu je yg best skg ni utk aku piki......

Byk gi benda yg bermain dlm kepala otak aku ni....Tp aku dh takde mase nk coret kt sini.....Bia la aku pendam kn aje...Mgkin satu hari nnti aku lupe kan aje yg tak tercoret tu...And bile aku pandang belakang...Aku akan piki..betapa naif nya aku sebagai manusia..Kerdil nya aku dibumi Allah ni..Kalu Allah tak tunjuk...tak tau la aku sume bende ni........Subahanallah............

July 28, 2006

Sway....I Swear!

Ala...Keyboard ni sensitif sgt la...br tertekan dh die publish tak smpt nk taip ape2...sib baik bole edit...org pn pening tgk tajuk tu...hehehe....

Bese la jumaat...Swingging mood...ecece.....7 days to go man.....I'm still rocking.....ehehehe...pg td aku mimpi ape ntah...tp aku ase mcm there is a man beside me........pstu aku mcm seriau je la...ekekeke..tp blom ade any man yet beside me laa...aku mimpi je......hehehehe...

Ok2..stop talking about me...other this is more matters la...hehehe

Erm...ada kwn aku ni mula2 aku baca die cite pasal protong....ok la...aku pn benci gk kualiti kete mesia nih....tp dlm masa yg sama..no choice man...heheheheeh

pstu die cite pasal hal dunia...tp ampes taknak elaborate.........

Tp dunia mmg tgh sakit sgt skang...aku akui la..sbb tu aku malas tgk brite...mcm cite bersiri yg tak berkesudahan...balik2 org mintak derma....derma tu bkn nye kemana pn..ke poket sendiri gk........ampes je.........mmg le aku tak tau sume ni aku men tuduh je....tp ntah la.....aku tetap tak percaya..kadang2 kesian gk tgk org2 buta nyanyi tepi2 jalan tu......tp ntah la.....aku susah sgt nk kuarkn walau rm1 dr purse aku yg dh makin kembung ngn kad2 tuh...hehehe...duit..balik2 duit.....ish ish ish....

Ade skali aku tepiki pasal duit dgn lebih mendalam...memandangkan aku mmg particular bangat pasal duit2 ni..Kenapa...perlu ada org yg meminta...org miskin...org tak tak berupaya??? Kalu org cacat tak berupaya tu aku bole trime....tp aku takleh trime..tgk kt tv mcm cukup je tulang 4 kerat...mcm ayah aku gk...mcm mak aku gk....mgkin la..mak ayah aku ade pelajaran...tp ade je kwn2 aku...yg mak ayah dorg keje driver la....tea lady la...bole je mak ayah dorg bg duit kat anak2.........bole je anak2 abihkan duit mak bapak bli brg2 branded2.....kalah mak ayah aku sndiri...mak aku aku wa ckp lu la.....mmg kelekut la ngn anak2..tp wa respek sama they all la...sbb kan kelekut tu..aku jd mcm aku yg skang...aku lebih menghargai duit hasil titik peluh aku...............kire point aku kt sini bkn nk kutuk sesape...kire rezeki allah tu sapa tau kan...napa la dorg ni taknak berusaha..tau2 kuar bersamamu je......

aku tau la mmg btol ade yg susah....yg anak sakit kene anta spital.......ha tu kompom susah...tp still aku tak derma gk la....sbb aku ase tv3 amik untung gk..klau btol2 aku nk tolong aku gi sendiri je bg dorg duit abis cite..hilang was2......pstu aku nk muntah tgk yg mak die ok je ckp sume..tp anak ramai la kn...tp bole je la sbenanye ramai je ibu tunggal kat dunia ni....ok je..tak masuk bersamamu pn..klau aku tolong they all..abih tu tak adil la utk ibu2 tunggal lain??? ....

kite sume mende ni luar kwl kite..bg aku ....mak aku..ayah aku..kelekut ada sebab......kite sume keje...igt duit tu dtg senang2 ke??? mmg la rezeki allah kasi.....tp kire kene kuar keje gk.......kite keje...kais bulan mkn bulan....klau bulan tu tak keje takdela masyukk..........

nape aku ase org2 ni tak deserve? nape org skang duit duit duit? sbb....kite keje penat....balik dh mlm..bdn sakit2...dorg tu...ptg dh balik...dh lepak2 ngn anak2...tau2 masuk bersamamu...if you dont work..how come you deserve anything??? kire mmg la tgk keadaan susah daif sume...tp org lain tak susah? balik keje nk kene kemas umah gk..basuh bj gk...sminggu tak basuh baju selori gk bj kotor....pinggan mkn kene basuh gk kn.....same je......ntah la..tak tau nk kate...tp yg pasti...sume org buat sesuatu utk diri sendiri n family...how come anyone gets any excemption situation? No way man.....takde sape nk bg duit free kat sesape melainkan atas belas kasihan.....how long can you live with belas kasihan???

What makes me thingking is this....Every month, mak aku mcm peminta sedekah kt ayah aku...she got like rm500 in her bank account each month.....Penchant la kn....So this ammount..she got to spend all for my 2 youngest brothers school, sekolah agama, tadika.....Really she spent all of that as a fixed ammount everymonth...my brothers takdela pegi sekolah private weih...igt sekolah agama skang murah ke? bkn mcm dolu2 beb....Ok la..So she got money for that...the thing is..she's been hopping to sent Me, my 2nd brother, my 3rd brother and my sister to sekolah agama....but she couldnt make it because she is working......so now...like it or not.....affordable or not...she still want to make it........so.....she spent all of it once she received the money from the government.....and everymonth i gave her rm200 fixed.....i never gave to my father..since he is still working and he is so damn kedekut tu my mother.....so this money..she spent on things, where by my brothers when they went to kedai runcit...esp giant...or Mcdonald...kfc...she will spent all in one day man..i tell you...isnt that boros? No for me not..because that is how she is last time when i was a little girl...maybe she didnt give me money...but when it come to food...she never hesitate to give......that's why i grew up so tall now.......not to mention big tummy...hehehe..but that is different story...so wht does leave her by the end of the day? no money la of course!.......she never got to buy her things yet....she never got to enjoy with friends....she spent all of it! So should i say to my mother, maybe you should register yourself to bersamamu..since your are almost 50 years old with no job....can or not?? Of course you all say...her situation is not as worst as all the woman in bersamamu...but try to think of this...think of when your mom dont have job.......staying home.....never god paid.....is it the same....and you will think those bersamamu is a crappy story...unless it is about some guy or woman paying a lot for their children medical treatments.........though...kalu you tgk medic tv pulak....you think all those people having surgery tu kaya ke? look at their cloths man.....they are wearing cloths almost the same quality as the people in bersamamu......Crappy la this people....

Mgkin aku ckp senang la..aku tak alami sendiri kan...Lagipun aku kerja....tiap2 bulan masuk gj....But can i like...i'm in the safe side?? No man...no....my job is contract basis....It will be over in Febuary next year..so should i sign up for Bersamamu after that? The ?answer will be yes...if i stay here writting more stuff than doing my work...right?...hehehee...

Ntah la......We cant change people mind..can la..tp bkn senang....same goes with me and you...maybe you dont agree with me....but can you make me agree with you? Maybe i would say yes i agree...but you never know what is really going on in my head......

Ok la...I got to run...my bos is reaching the office......Da...

p/s: What ever you read is straightly from my mind...........doesnt require you to agree on it or not k....so bye....

July 19, 2006

Cinta bersulam Kasih, Hati mengota Janji.....

Alamak...Spoil betul lah time aku nk up Kad kawin aku ade je la prob. Ish ish ish .....

Akhir nya kad aku siap gak. Alhamdulillah. Macam2 btol dugaan nk kawin ni, sabar je lah eh. Kawan baik aku kat opis, bj nikah die ade prob. Aku lak kad kawin ku..Huhuhuu..Bj nikah aku pn takdela prob ape2. cume aku tak smpt la nk letak2 manik ke ape ke. Selendang aku pn plain giler. Tp tu bkn masalah. Masalah len aku tak igt dh. Tp yg aku paling igt kad aku la. Berzaman nk tunggu siap. Bile dh siap. Wpn org len kate tak lawa la cincai la, aku pn mula2 kata cincai. Tunang aku pn sama. Tp lama2 aku piki balik ni lah titik peluh die, titik peluh aku, so kitrog sebenarnya patut menghargainya. Bialah org nk kata apa kan. wpn bkn nye dorg kate pe pon. hehe..Tp memula segan la jugak. Dh la tak wangi sume..Tp piki2 balik mengarut la tu sume. Aku ngn tunang aku punyela poyo siap ase nk Frame lg kad kawin kitrog. Kenangan sebalik kad tu mahal sgt. Hehehe....Sayang abg....hehee..time kasih sbb Allah temukan kitorg. Same2 bengong. Same2 tu. Same2 ni...hehehee.....

Smpai tahap ni dlm idop aku, aku ase mcm dlm mimpi...HEhe..mmg la kadang2 aku nangis jugak ngn peel tunang aku ni. Smpai2 hari2 gi opis selsema.Ahahaha..tp tu bkn sebab utama aku selsema. Aku ni mmg selsema sokmo. Eheheh..Tp die tinggal kan kesan lain dlm hati aku. Die bkn sahaja buat aku sayang die. Tp sayang kat orang keliling aku. Selama ni aku jarang la nk sedari kasih sayang contoh mcm org paling dekat ngn aku, mak ayah aku sendiri. Tp cmne aku leh rasa sendiri skang? Hehehe. Maybe dorg takleh nk tunjuk sepenuhnya, yelaa nama pn anak sulung. Tp bile tgk napa tunang aku sayang sgt ngn mak ayah die. Aku jd jeles. Bkn jeles sbb die lebih kn mak ayah die. Tp jeles sbb aku tak ase mcm tu pn kat parents aku. Tp lame2 aku cube blaja. Wpn tak perfect lg skang. Tp alhamdulillah, aku ase jugak. Best........

Oklah aku nk gi beron. Ehhh laa..napa la takleh nk upload gambar ni...tensennnnnn...hehehehe

July 14, 2006

Hari Tentang Cinta

Hari ini hati ini terasa terlalu halus. Bagai butiran kacang hijau menyusuri mulut geguni, keluar dan bertaburan. Jerihnya kalau nak kutip satu per satu bijirin itu. Lalu aku biarkan saja perasaan ini mengalir. Sambil telinga ku membingitkan lagu cinta. Aku tak langsung kebosanan. Malah, jerih ku, sakit ku, pening ku, sepanjang minggu ini terasa reda. Mungkin aku terlalu hanyut dengan Cinta. Tapi tak salah rasanya kalau aku mengaku, yang sepastinya, aku perlukan Cinta.

Kerna Cinta, tak kunafikan, aku seorang yang buta. Aku seorang yang pentingkan diri ku sendiri, dan orang yang kucintai itu. Aku jadi kalah dengan permintaannya. Dan sentiasa aku leburkan permintaan orang lain. Bukan paksaanya, tidak sekali-kali. Tapi hati ku yang pasrah. Hati ku yang tamak. 24 jam yang dianugerahi untuk sehari, rasanya ingin aku habiskan bersamanya. Benarkan cinta ku ini? Aku sendiri tak mengerti.

Aku cuba bertindak adil. Dengan keluarga, kerja dan kawan-kawan. Tapi selalunya, aku tidak bersama mereka. Benak ku memikirkan tentangnya. Gila kah aku? Kurang aku pastikan.

Satu lagi yang sering aku fikirkan. Adakah perasaan ini akan berakhir? Aku harap tidak. Aku amat berharap aku akan menyayanginya keakhir hayat ku. Aku harap dia pun berasa yang sama. Amin ya Allah. Hanya padamu aku berserah.

Kadang-kadang aku mudah lupa. Tak pernah tidak, aku akan menyakiti diri nya. Kadang-kadang aku terlalu emosional, dan aku anggap dia menyakitiku. Kami berselisih faham, kami berjumpa dengan wajah yang kusam. Aku menangis, dan dia dengan terlalu amarah cuba mengawal dirinya. Aku sayu memikirkan situasi itu. Tapi itu tidak boleh aku jamin tidak akan lagi terjadi. Kerana aku dan dia adalah manusia biasa. Kami punya kemahuan sendiri. Kami punya ketidaksukaan sendiri. Aku dan dia pasrah.

Kerna cinta, yang tak pernah dia minta, aku selalu membelakangkan ibu, ayah, adik-adik dan kawan-kawan baik ku. Sejak aku ingin melangkah ke alam perkahwinan. Aku cuba bahagikan masa. Aku kasihan lihat ibuku. Membanting tulang demi aku dan adik-adik. Tangan ku yang laju menaip ini, muka ku dah mula berasa panas. Aku terlalu kejam. Aku pernah letakkan keluarga di tempat ketiga, aku lupakan mereka. Aku jadi seorang yang tak reti nak bahagi kan masa sendiri. Dan aku alpa dengan resam ku yang ku ciptakan sendiri .Ya Allah berdosanya aku. Aku berkerja dan aku beri ibu ku seadanya. Dan selebihnya aku belanjakan utk diri ku. Aku lihat ibuku cuba memberi sesuap nasi utk adik-adik. Dan tak mungkin cukup dengan pemberian aku. Aku hanya membentak di dalam hati, itu bukan tanggungjawabku. Ya Allah, anak jenis apakah diri ku ini.

Dan sekarang, aku cuba pula, bahagikan masa untuk ibuku. Dalam pada itu, cinta masih nombor teratas. Dan walaupun dia tak dpt memastikan untuk ku, bila dia punya masa untukku, aku tetap menunggu. Dalam pada menunggu, aku habis kan masa bersama keluargaku. Aku dapat lihat ibu ketawa, tersenyum. Aku jadi lega dan hati ku jarang membentak lagi. Namun aku terpaksa melepaskan ajakan rakan-rakan. Aku tak punya banyak masa untuk mereka. Perbelanjaan ku pula amat terhad. Aku tak mahu meminta simpati pula dan mengharapkan mereka pula membelanja ku. Jadi aku katakan, aku tak mampu meluangkan masa ku dengan mereka. Tapi ada antara mereka, pastinya kecewa dengan jawapan ku. Maafkan aku semua. Kalau diberikan ruang. Kesempatan. Kita akan berjumpa juga. Insyaallah.

Baiklah, aku dah mula tidak sehalus sejam sebelum ini. Walau tak smpat meluahkan semua. Tapi aku rasa, cukup agaknya untuk hari ini. Aku harap yang terbaik untuk diri kita semua di hari depan. Aku harap aku mati dalam iman ku kepada Agama Allah yang esa. Aku harap aku tidak alpa. Aku rindukan Nya, Ya Allah, Ya Rahman. Ntah kenapa, hari ini aku rindukan Nya. Aku terlalu hina. Entah apa la dosa-dosa ku. Ya Allah ampun kan lah dosa-dosa ku. Tunjukkan lah aku jalan yang benar. Berikan lah aku kekuatan untuk menempuh hari-hari depan ku. Permudahkanlah kematian ku. Moga aku dan orang-orang sekeliling ku, adalah antara golongan yang diredhaimu. Ampunkanlah dosa kami dan suci kan lah hati kami Ya Allah..Amin.

July 07, 2006

4 More Weeks To GO!

And still counting...

Tak tau sbenanye ape nk berceloteh dlm ni. tp nak update gak..ehehehe

Ok 1st nk cite la kot pasal keje...What aku achieve skang..ehehe...Frankly speaking aku hanyalah kuli berbayar....Aku byk buat VB...Pastu documentations...Pastu admin menguruskan programmer2 menghantar Assignment dorg.....Tp tu keje mudah la....Bkn la..aku ase kerani cabuk pn bole buat....And bg org yg kononnya IT cm aku ni ....Adalah mengambil masa 2 3 menet je kot..ehehehe..Tp kalu VB yg susah2 tu lama la jugak..ehehehe..tp aku still ada masa utk chatting kat Gmail...chatting ngn rakan2 sekerja....Browse intenet...pagi2 kadang2 baca paper..kadang2 tak smpt sbb ada meeting....But i learned a lot in doing admin things la.. Tp walau pn mcm hina la..bkn hina apa....Aku tak la mcm kwn2 aku yg bole membanggakan kerja2 yg dorg buat...Tp aku tak kesah...Aku rasa hina sikit la..tp Aku rasa bertuah jugak la..Sbb tak payah la aku perah2 otak sgt...So aku bole la tumpu kat keluarga aku nnti kot...

Tapi takde la nk kata keje aku ni senang sgt....Almost as simple la..tp takdela stiap masa aku free...Cuma lately ni je...sbb sistem pn dh siap.....Tggl support je la.....Tu pn bos aku still handle lg menda2 tu..die blom ape dorg panggil tu..Knowledge transfer lg kat aku....Tp wpn dlm keadaan skang..kalu aku smpai umah tu mmg penatt la jugak..mgkin penat kat jln kot...Kalu tdo tu kompom ase tak ckp tdo...huhuhuhu........

Well menuju ke arah 4 mggu lg tu....Kad Kawin aku br siap semalam..ada sesapa rasa tak bg alamat lg kat aku silalah email aku kat sitilemon2@gmail.com...mari2....sapa cpt die dpt..eheheh..aku malas nk cite pasal kad tu..sbb tak best pn cite die..tp kalu korg encounter somebody yg jual kat nama SHUKOR....badan gemuk perut boncet...sori tu org kedah...tp die ni org kedah...ada kete kelisa warna kelabu yg plat kedah..speaking pn cm org kedah jugak la....better korg jauhkan la diri dr mamat ni ...sbb mamat ni takde kedai.....die ni mcm subcon je la...so risiko mmg tinggi...and aku n tunang aku mangsa kejadian yg tidak di ingini...kalu korg tak caya takpela..mgkin bkn rezeki aku..rezeki korg sapa tau ek..nk dijadikan cite kene kat aku kot..ehehehe..takpe...dh lepas dh pn..aku igtkn je..kalu korg nk dgr la pendapat aku ni kan..ehehehe....mcm ramai je org baca blog aku ni..ehehehe

ok la..aku dh taknak merepek...chow....babai..see u next monday..aha..........

June 30, 2006

Once In A While

Let say, today i dont know what should i write in here. But since i have 25 more minutes before getting back. I would like to scribble a word or two...Hehehe.

I am about to get married in 5 weeks. Insyaallah.

My plan are like this....

1. Nikah on 4th of August
2. Kenduri at Kermaat Permai on 5th of August
3. Honemoooooonnnnn from 11th August (night on the flight hehe..) until 15th August (going back to work right on 16th huhuhu)
4. Kenduri at Sg Besar on 26th of August.

And my short-coming plans, i dont have the dates yet but here it is....

1. Getting my wedding card (actually it is the back up wedding cards. there's a story about that evil jerks who is suppose to give me my paid wedding cards months ago..Shit guy!!!)
2. Sending them out.
3. Finding a new home.
4. Buying a camera
5. Buying home equipment(But i think i couldnt afford this at the moment)
6. Going to nilai 3 to fetch my Langsir and accesories for my bride room.
7. Paying Mak Andam(this is a must)
8. Doing budget. hohoho.. i will missed a lot of money eventually. huhuhu
9. Doing OT's since my bos had warned me, i cannot claim my OT after my marriage. (Speaking of the real devil...huhuhu)
10. The most important of all ::: MEET THE KADHI TO CONFIRM MY NIKAH CEREMONY!!!!! (huargh3..is it good to say my own parents is one of the Devil too?? hehe...)

Wah...so many i got to do a??? Didnt realize that. There is still things to be done. HUhuhuhu.. Can i manage to cope with it? Continiu with the next serius of my Wedding Crashes and Endeveour...muahahah..what am i saying? Not sure.....chow!

June 09, 2006

I'm keeping it simple....

stright to the point...i cant stop myself from writting something in this...but i do have a lot of things going on with mylife right now...and i always in the middle of situation where i want to jot down something in here...but i end up not doing it...since this is the last day of this week...i want to make it up still....so i end up writting this thing up...hehehe..eventhough there is nothing much in here...but i feel satisfied..i least i let out something..hehehe...bye

May 11, 2006

Jiwang...

Wah ct jiwang harini...takmo kawan ct....wakakaka

But i feel the need to do this today, please let me.....:'(

Tak semua impian
Dapat kau kota kan
Daya mu setakat itu
Aku tak bisa tekanmu
Aku mampu secara rasional
Nampak keperluan itu
Dan aku tau aku kejam
Andai aku terus memaksa mu
Tapi air mata ini tak bisa berhenti
Dan hati ku tak mampu bertahan
Untuk tidak berasa sedih

Aku cemuh lagu cinta itu
Tak semua Cinta bisa tenang
Bisa bahagia
Semua itu bagai mimpi
Sakit pasti datang
Aku cemuh diri ini
Selalu berasa sakit
Selalu berasa sunyi

Janji manis itu
Aku sudah pegang
Walaupun tutur ku bilang
Tak akan jadi pasti
Bisa jadi mungkin
Tapi aku tak mampu
Hati ku tetap berharap
Langsung aku berasa dikhianati
Bila janji tinggal janji

Aku menyakiti
Aku memang menyakiti
Tapi aku ade kemahuan
Tak bisakan sesiapa memahami?

Tanpanya aku berasa sunyi
Senyum ku keluar tapi hambar
Panggilannya aku biarkan
Padahal aku terlalu rindu
Kerna aku tak bisa dia melihat
Sakit hati ini yang bisa ditertawakannya
Padanya aku terlalu melayan perasaan
Padaku ini makanan hidup ku
Dia tak bisa memahami
Aku semakin sakit

Tak mampu lagi aku bertahan
Membiarkan perasaan itu terbang
Hanya mampu aku melayari
Dan biar ia hilang perlahan-lahan
Luka itu tetap ada walau tidak zahir
Satu hari nanti ia pasti akan pulih
Dan satu hari nanti yang pulih pasti akan berdarah kembali

Yang termampu kini
Pasrah dan cuba bertahan.............

April 26, 2006

Hmmm....

Something to think about? hehe....

It 641pm. And i'm still in the office. It has been almost 1 month. And i still feeling weird. I'm changing to a different person. And i think i'm seeing my new self. Hehe. But still, nobody is as perfect. I think i'm changing to be my old self back. Hmm.. Only one step ahead, but i'm now turning back already. Hehe. For instance, i have start writing to this blog again. Which i will do when i have free times. Hehe. And i have a feeling to install YM back. Oh god, i hope he fobids me from doing that. amin Ya Allah. hehe.

What i gain this few years? What i lost this 1 month? In a month time u can loose a friend. In a month time, u can force ur bf to think about the future. Muahaha. In a month time, u can be nuts. In a month time, if u dont use it properly, u will be loosing all the time u had in life. Believe me, i've been there. To the point where i felt nothing worthless about me. To the time where i felt slow. To the time where i hate myself. Eventhough i have everyone beside me. But still i'm not really happy. :(

At that point i have the whole time of the world to do almost about everything for mylife. I can go shopping at 10am in the morning. I can eat breakfast like no my bosses bussiness, and my bos still considering to up my gaji. I can easily planning to meet my bestfriend. At that time, she was too busy. That's why i have to come to her. I dont mind since her office just on my way back home. She never know where my office is. She never know, where my house is. I dont mind, cause i think that is not important. That will never change my perspective towards her. Although, when i met her, i have no time for god. Really, i felt guity to her if i am nervouse if i dont pray. Because i know she dont have the time for the whole world. So i need to give in my time. I'm writting this not to say that she dont care about my feeling. My pride or my religious. But i'm writting this to point out that, i dont mind about it. I'm dont want to be selfish to her. I can accept her as it is. :'(...

whatever it is, it is just a thought. A silly one by me. Actually i'm missing her. And i know she will not like this. Telling things about her to public. I can actually tell it directly to her. But i wont do it. Cause i need time for myself. I need time to accept this new life i was searching for about a year ago. Well goodbye then for now.

April 20, 2006

Sicked Minded Guys

Herm. aku tulis post ni bkn nk kutuk sesape...tp this is reality...i see it happens everyday...re-ocurring.....and mmg kadang2 aku bosan dgn bende tu..

lately..aku rasa sendiri bende tu...cume bezanya..aku blom ada sesapa lg yg kongkong hidup aku as in A HUSBAND!...Tp aku harap aku dpt menanganinya dgn bijak..begitu jugak dgn HUSBAND aku nnti...hehehe..

erm...usually....bende ni worst dekat lelaki yg MAK die housewife...aku taktau la...not all kot..depends on the husband jugak....tp bende ni mcm 2 3 kwn2 aku jugak la yg alami..

Dorg ni aku tak tau la..pendek akal ke...ape ke.....tp memang la aku geram....

Dorg expect the wife tu BIONIC WOMAN ke?? We all penat bekerja tau tak..same like you guys....We do the same now....Carik duit utk keluarga..Apalah salahnya berikan kami sedikit kelonggaran....Dont presure us....Can u?

Sbb bila u pressure that woman...we woman go out...meet people....they tell us many2 stories...they listen...we listen...and we change out our thoughts....a lot......so we will changed our perspective eventually to the man we love...LOVE will eventually transformed to be ANGER, HATRED, DISRESPECTED...etc...Seriuss....But then again, it depends on to the woman itself..Ada jugak perempuan yg tahan sabar dgn perangai laki die...What i am saying is, this woman yg tak bole terima that presure, will changed. Sapa mangsa? Of course, anak2. Both will be like, the husband, its her job of doing this, i wont mind at all...the wife pulak, i wont mind too, i'll must teach him, if i dont do it, eventually he will...one day!....Ei tolong la...one day??? kalu sampai bila2 pn laki die tak sedar....habis la the children....

I sicked la...this MAN....changed his WIFE to be a different person. And the the chirdlren left out confused and they'll be like less careful person. Because nobody cares about them, so they thought, they shouldnt even bother about people also. They will eventually be spoiled. No wonder la, if the parents getting old, the children left them just like that.

I am still new to this world...I'm not even in...But i just want everyone who read this blog to realise this. If you dont changed the world..who will..Give some respect to your partner...Love ur children..Please.....

p/s : i've seen people rotating their responsibility. Today u jaga our chirdren yang sakit ni. Tomorow i'll take my turn. And thanks sayang for doing this...... Isnt that wonderful to have said something like that, ape lg yang mendengarnya???!!

April 11, 2006

My house Map

March 24, 2006

Lets Talk About Love...

I dont know why la today i'm in the mood of love..hehe.. I feel like writting a poems ke, or any other love wardings stuff, but i dont have time for that, so i just write it down simply like this. Today is my last day at my current office, PRADONET. Good Bye pradonet. hehe.. But i dont want to talk about that good bye stuff today...even though there will be no other suitable time to for it...but today i'm feeling a little love...hehehehe...so i want to talk about love......

I'm not trying to be POYO, because like i'm the only person on earth being IN LOVE..But i just want to share my feelings. I admit that, a lot of people is feeling it too, maybe they had even more wonderful feeling than me. But i just had the urge of talking about it today, if anyone would want to share their feelings too, you are sooo not welcome, get your own blog, write it down there, get a life!! Haha..just kidding.....but if anyone would want to share it here, u are most welcome....I'd like to talk about it with u...we love each other, dont we? [situt, stop being creepy!!] ...hehe..And i suppose, i dont have to TRY to be POYO, because i'm a natural POYO...hehe....

Love is like a makan...you need to have everyday...i could not imagine myself without the feeling....at least, i have LOVE from my parents, my siblings, my friends....That is enough for me...but that's not the feeling i'm having right now...hehehe....

I never realise that one day, i could be in love too...i had tried once to force myself to be in love...even though i know i'm not ready for it at that time...and i had crushed myself to it......and i knew it from that day, that love isnt so easy....i'm hurted...i cried....i'm scared...and it is haunting me like forever....and until today, i couldnt let myself to face that person..the first person that claimed to my face...he is in love with me........but he is gone now......i never see him since our break up...but he did leave a scar inside me.....while writting about him...i can still feel the hurt inside me...wrenching.....but not as painfull as before......before is approximately 4 to 5 years ago...it's been a long time...i can hardly remember his face....also...i cant remember how we start......but i remember it very well...how we end it......huhuhuhu.....

my current love...is almost 3 years now....but we've been friends, 1/2 a year more than that.....so i started to know him.....after 1/2 to 1 year after my breakdown...yes...it is a breakdown...i did fell...and i couldnt see where mylife go....i bring my body...but i dont know where my soul is......1/2 to 1 year of mylife...i cant barely feel life is there...i;m breathing.....but not quite alive.......it is so saddened.......all i can think is...i've been giving my 100% to the previouse guy....and i've been hoping to be with him for the rest of mylife........but all we can do is nothing....nothing at all....the relationship couldnt go far........

so i met this new love.....i wasnt really in love with him at all......but one thing he is so special is....he made me laugh....to the limit.....i can actually believe...i am still alive.....i still have life ahead........actually a lot of people can make me laugh that time...it was a wonderful time...surrounded by friends....who were enjoying life so much...but this guy...he is so special...he make me see life...i'm not just feeling it...but i see he was (and still) doing it to me....

though..he never ask about my past love....he never did actually know my state of mind that time....but he is still so special to me......

One day, he asked me to be his special girl....and i doubt my answer....i said no....but i doubt it.....i dont know if i can be his lover.......i'm afraid of another crush.....or breakdown.....because time seems to be moving so fast....one moment i met him....another..we were talking...enjoying our chat...talking about almost anything........and another moment....he is already proposing me......i dont know if i like him too...but i do feel so much alive with him........i realize it now, that i was so much in love with him from the beginning..i just dont want to admit it..

boringg......!! isnt it? but it is not boring to me a all.....:p

my ex..suddently called me....why? of course i dont know...he is the one trashing me without any reason....stupid...i know...haha....but he is too late.....my ego said that time.....and so...i made a vast move....i accept this new guy to mylife.....

at this stage...i was not in love at all...i hurted his feelings a lot...he was just a tools for me to feel relax.....so that i will become alive....not having to think about my ex as often anymore.....he ask me to do a lot a favours that i denied.....even i never ask him to pay for my makan....but i split the bills...u pay yours...i pay mine......muahahaha.....on the other hand....we were a coupled...but live a separate life..totally separate.....

he had once asked me...whether i need a flower..because he want to give to me......but i said...nahh...i dont need flower from you...i want something else and only you can give it to me.....

and now....for my own foolish thoughts...actions...he will never give me flowers...spell it right ..in my dream...haha....but i suppose..that is not the most important thing in love life..isnt it?

and now...we're moving on......and i'm feeling something different...so different than what i'm feeling previousely......it's something else...it is not just because i am enganged with him.....but it;s something else which i dont know how to explain.....he wouldnt know how much he mean to me now.....i think...he knows...but he never actually give it a seriouse thought....i almost feel that i cant be....i cant be as alive as today...with out him.............i dont what would happen if god take him away....:'(............

i'm loosing it...the feeling just keep flowing......i dont know which...or what to type in......because it is flowing very fast.....sometimes deep.......but all i know is....i love him.......it is so different than my first love.......on my day time...i will whisper his name in my heart......on my night time...i will whisper his name in my heart..he is everywhere...all around me...........the feeling is like hugging me......and i dont want it to let go....i want to be inside the hug, forever..

that is all i got to say now.......the feeling just keep flowing....and my typing cant keep up the pace....so i;m signing off by now....take care....;)

March 23, 2006

Perkahwinan ZEROW & IDA MAGOO...






March 20, 2006

The Next Stage.....


Kenapa aku lame tak menulis di dalam ini blog? Muahahaha....1. takde mase. 2. takde idea. 3. takde internet...muahahahah....Yg no.3 tu aku tipu je...hehehehehe...

ermm...well...masa tu ade...tp slalu pn aku dh tulis sket...pehtu aku piki 2 3 kali lagi...ermmm...malas la pulak nk post.......asek2 mende same je..merungut...merungut...merungut....tapi hari ni aku teramatla boring nya.....keje yg bos aku bg suma dh siap......aku malas nk buat elok2 cantik2...nnti die bukan nye nk appreciate...lagi die bg komen2 yg aku jd konpius...nak buat ape lepas ni nih? so aku pon malas la nk buat rajin2....ahahahaha..ntah hape2................

mggu lepas...mggu demam aku.....aku ase memang musim la kot...adik aku yg bongsu pn demam...siap aku tido ngn die lg same2..konon2 nk jaga die..alih2...aku yg demam....ahahahaha........tp skang ni kitrog dh mcm nk ok la kot....adik aku pn dh beransur pulih..hari ni die dh pegi skolah..takkan la kakak die nk ponteng kerja lg kot...ehehehe....tp ikotkan hati memang malas nk pegi kerja....huhuhu...

ekceli...next stage dlm tajuk tu......aku ase yg bace blog aku ni suma dh tau....kekekeke...ape lg kalu bukan hari pertunangan aku...meh la aku interprem gambar sket....bg yg masih blom tgk...tp asenye sume pn msti dh tgk...tp takpela...aku nk interprem jugak...hehehe

well..nmpk ke....mcm tak berjaya je penguploadan ini.... takpela..kite tunggu dan lihat je la..kalu tak berjaya nasib la aku...hehehehe

itu satu stage br dlm idop aku...klau org tanya...ape die perubahan? well mcm tak kenal aku...kalu org taknak tanye pn aku sure nk bgtau jugak...ahahaha....tp 1st of all aku nk ckp thanks la kat kengkawan aku....terutama kepada gurlz...pinky......bye yg dtg menjenguk aku aritu...hehehe...time kasih bebanyak........tak lupa kepada ida...yg call aku mase tgh makeup...muahahahaha..sori la..sian ko tepon aku siap curik2 tu...ahahaha.....aku pn curik2 gak berckp ngn ko....akhirnya....mak andam aku si pinky jugak pening kpale melayan karenah aku tu..hehehe..pepe pon sori la ek pinky...aku tak budget sebyk yg ko ckp tu....sori sgt...huhuhuhu..lenkali kalu nk letak hage cmtu...bgtau la awal2...bole makcik prepare...huhu..takpela....dh lepas pn....:p.....

and thanks to kengkawan lain yg wish aku....ramai gak yg ingat kat aku...aku igt korg dh tak igt kat aku....dh taknak kawan aku ke.....mane la tau...hehehehe......sejak korg2 sume busy ni...aku ase mcm budak yg ditinggalkan kengkawan nye...sbb kengkawan nye dh masuk asrama gitu...ahahaha...pe yg aku merepek ni....tp tu la yg aku ase...tingat mase aku darjah 6.......member baik aku br dpt masuk skolah asrama penuh.......mati kutu aku sorg2 jd ketua kumpulan perompak budak2 keramat permai...ahahaha...sbb kalu mase member aku tu ada aku jd penolong ketua.....last2 jd hambar sbb aku takde expirience......hahahaa...tp time member aku yg gi skolah asrama tu balik....boleh tahan jugak havoc....tp mase die takde...sunyi beb.....cmtu la aku ase skang....hehehehehe.....gi pn mase tu....padang tempat kitrog bermain2.....dh buat umah..klau korg dtg umah aku nmpk umah banglo......dulu tu la tmpt kitrong main perang2...kesian adik2 aku dh takde port nk main perang2...time tu jugak la...adik aku yg second kene baling batu kat kepala die...sian die....huhuhu..sedih aku igt balik.....tp bkn aku yg baling...ade budak lain la.....berebut nk jd ketua kumpulan........pastu bile ketua kumpulan pencen...iaitu kawan aku yg masuk asrama tu balik....mula la kitrog buat conference..........muahahahahahahaa....mcm budak2...dah name pon mase tu aku memang budak2......hahaha

wah..pnjang berjela aku menulis ni...point asal pn dh lari...aku pn tak igt ape sbenanye yg aku nk tulis ntah...hahahaha..takde ape la tunang2 ni...same je.....takleh main gak...hahahaha..bezanya kalu dlu aku kuar2 tu....parents aku tak tau pn ngn sape aku kuar....ape tujuan aku kuar...skang ni aku kuar je...wpn ngn gurlz ke...ngn ida ke....parents aku sure suspek tunang aku...eh tunang aku...ahahahah..ni la kalu kedua aku guna phrase tu......tak bese wei....hehehehe.....mcm poyo je...takmo la pakai lg......kire parents aku suspek kuyu aa.........so mcm tak best sket aa....ase mcm terdapat unsur2 kongkongan di situ....tp klau dlu ayah aku mcm tak redha...tp skang aku ase mcm mak aku yg tak redha..tp ayah aku die mcm dh senang ati sket...sbb kalu dulu aku mcm tak bgtau die hal sebenar...ni die dh kenal mak kuyu ayah aku adik badik kuyu...dah tau keadaan sebennar..die macam lebih senang melepas kan aku pergi...huuhuhu........tp walau cmne pn...perasaan malu nk kuar tu menebal la....nmpk no anak die ni gatal..sket2 nk kuar........ase mcm tu la...tp sejak aku tunang ni......aku blom penah dpt peluang mengedate pon...huhuhu.......stakat kluar pass kete je tu ade la...sbb kuyu slalu nk pinjam balik kg la...apa la...name pn rete die kan....takkan la aku taknak bg......pstu kuyu pn dh kene warning ngn mak die....mak kuyu ckp...skang ni jgn bwk kuar sgt...nnti dh kawin nk buat ape pn buat la.....huhuhuhu....so kene la redha...tp walau mcm mana pn..kebosanan tu still ada......huarghhhhhh..............tp nk buat cemane kan.......ape2 pn padan muka aku nk tunang sgt...eh tp sapa kata aku nk tunang.......aku taknak tunang2 ni leceh......bg aku dh kenal parents dh ok la tu....tp same je..situasi die still akan jadik mcm ni = susah nk kuar ngedate dahhhh....huarghhhhh.......ntah la

tp skang ni aku mcm takde mood ke...tak ati ke...takde ape ntah........utk mogok2 mcm dlu....aku mcm mampu bertahan sabar lagi....huargh2.....bkn aku puji diri sendiri...mcm mr.tapi ckp la.......makin tenang la ko skang ek...hahahaha..mgkin btol ape die ckp tu kot....kadang2 aku tensen gak ngn kuyu tu...kejeeee je...balik2 kejeee...igt aku ni ape...balik2 kejeee.....sms jeee.......balik2 sms....dlm tepon pn die bkn nye tau nk ckp ape......bosan3....muahahahahaa......tp dlm tensen2 aku.....aku tak mogok lak mcm dlu...klau dlu...sure aku dh off hanset ........takpn aku nangis giler2 ke dlm tepon ke ape ke.....yelaaaaaaaa....ati aku ni sunyi.........bila aku kuar ngn die...aku ase mcm satu breakaway.......kuar dr life aku yg membosankan ni....life kat opis....life kat umah....bkn la aku tak bersyukur.....ntahla...hanya org2 yg paham je akan paham....org yg takpaham..memang takkan paham....hehehehe...tp besenye yg ase mcm ni pompuan laa...lelaki ni aku tak tau la...mgkin sejak azali dh dilahirkan tanpa perasaan ke tu aku tak tau la............tp kalu pn korg taknak paham pompuan ni cemane.....tp atleast..kalu korg syang awek korg tu...layani la perasaan die kejap......kate sayang...klau takde kate syaang tu takde hal la kan...kalu tidak...jgn nk mimpi bercinta....muahahahahah....mmg sume org akan face mende ni...nk atau taknak....kalu nk bercinta tp taknak layani jugak....ha pinang tros..........nnti awek tu akan tenang mcm aku kot...ahahaha...tp aku ni pn mcm time bomb jugak...mgkin skang ni aku br2 tunang lg...aku bole la bersabar lg....mana tau smggu lagi....2 mggu lagi..meletop ke...mana nk tau kan......oleh itu...takde kesimpulan..mende2 cm ni mmg kene discover sendiri....hehehehehe....

and one more stage dlm idop aku ialah....aku br je dpt keje br..kontrak setahun...huhuhu...lepas kontrak tu aku tak tau la nk keje ape..suka2 ati aku je tuka keje....aku harap keje aku kali ni...bia la aku buat betul2..takmo mcm skang ni..main2 je keje....kejap2 buat keje...kejap2 cmni la aku...tulis blog la pulak.....huargh4....suka ati aku jee....aku takmo la mcm ni lg...aku nk keje betul2...demi masa depan aku jugak.....aku nk jd org yg bergunaa....aku harap next step aku ni.......biar la diredhai allah.....dan smoga allah tunjukkan jln utk aku berpijak dibumi yg nyata....takmau lagi main2....takmau lg berangan2....huhuhuhu.....amin....ya allah...tolongla hambamu ini....

and..after that...i dont know wht's going to happen to my life....will i survive...can i control stressfull situation? can i bare being stranded somewhere? will i get bored? or get mad? or get angry? i dont know what life could offer to me in the future...i just can hope and pray for the best...and for the worst to go far from me...huhuhu.....i think that is all for now.......long enough isnt it......hope for the best for the future...for you guys outthere who is reading this...and also for me.....amin.....

February 14, 2006

KERJA KOSONG...URGENT!!!

1. Project Officer / Coordinator
2. Programmer
http://www.pradonet.com.my/home.php?op=10
Tolong sebar kan ye...terima kasih...:D

February 09, 2006

Before That Day....

Sebelum aku lupa atau hilang segala perasaan yang sekarang ni aku tengah rasa, I think I should record it....hehehe...

Actually aku memang tengah busy gila..Takde la gila, tp ade target. Setiap hari pn kena set target, kalu tak, kompom pegi keje and balik keje and abis la cerita untuk hari tu dan akan tak sabar-sabar nak tunggu hari JUMAAT!!....Hehehe...Itulah aku, dan dunia ku, yang payah berterima kasih dan sungguh payah untuk tidak terluka. Dengan sesapa pon. Even my boss....ehehehe....My boss ni bos betul aku kat opis laa.......Kire orang tak penting dalam hidup aku pun aku senang terasa...

Alamak tak menyimpang, aku semakin kehilangan perasaan yang aku rasa tadi......hehehehe.......

Oklah2, ni dia sebenarnya. Aku selalu tanya diri aku, AKU JELES KE? Tp kalau jeles lain tau rasa dia, rasa dia mcm kalau pakwe aku cakap tepon ngan pompuan lain. Bia la pompuan tu aku kenal, contoh macam kawan2 baik aku sendiri, ida comot ke, gurlz ke. Aku tau kalau korang bace ni mesti meluat punye. Tapi serius, bagi aku tu la jeles, ase sakit sgt dlm hati ni. Takdela sgt, tp ada perasaan mcm nak amik tepon tu and campak ke tepi. Muahahaha...Aku memang kejam. Aku akui sesangat statement tuh...Hehehe.........

Aku tak jeles la aku rasa. Tapi aku tak bole nk toleh tempat lain. I will keep looking and looking and looking ang looking. Ape yang that couple, married couple la of course kan, hehe. Ha, ape yg that couple ada, yang aku ngn pakwe aku takde. Mampu ke aku ngn pakwe aku nak jadi happy macam dorg tu. Maksud aku bila kitrog dah kawin nanti la kan. hehe...

They seem sooooooooo unbreakable. I'm happy for them. Aku tak mau a bit pon dorg berubah dari keadaan tu. Bila aku tgk dorg, aku akan mcm berdoa, let them be that way, please god, at least by seeing them, i believe there is still hope for happiness for me. Sebab kalau benda2 happy tu tak pernah berlaku, then sukar untuk kita percaya, boleh ke benda tu berlaku? Logik ke. Tapi bila mata kepala kita sendiri yang nampak, then kita akan sekelip mata yakin. Kalau they all boleh, then you pon boleh!

Tapi melihatkan pada hubungan aku dengan si dia, ewah...hehehe...Aku tak nafikan, memang aku sememangnya bosan. Aku selalu rasa insecure. Aku selalu sangat2 rasa dia tak sayang aku sejauh yang aku sayang dia. Aku selalu rasa he hadnt do hard enough for me. Walaupun aku dapat rasa jugak kadang2, aku dah memang menyusahkan dia, memeningkan kepala dia, tapi still aku tak boleh buang perasaan insecurity tu la kata orang putih. Dan bila aku rasa macam tu, aku rasa tasteless dalam kehidupan aku ni. Aku rasa kosong. Benda kecik pon aku bole jadi cepat marah. Cepat melenting. Kadang2 tu, lepas melenting tu, aku malu sendiri. Silly...Too silly, too foolish...................

Aku selalu rasa dia selalu mencabar tahap kesabaran aku. Well, aku memang bukan la dilahirkan sebagai seorang yang benar2 bersabar. Dari kecik, aku memang gopoh, capek la kate org indon, dalam membuat ape2 keputusan. Walau macam mana pon aku tiba2 teringat adik2 aku. Dorg still sayang aku walaupon perangai aku mcm tu. Aku dah terbiasa hidup terhormat. Sebab tu susah sebenarnya untuk aku terima, bahawasanya aku sebagai seorang perempuan, aku perlu akur dengan seorang yang nanti, bergelar suami aku. Memangla sekarang aku tak perlu cuba untuk lakukan benda tu. Dan mak bapak lain la, tu memang dari kecik dah hormat. Tapi dalam hati aku ni, ada nama mak bapak aku je. Org len tu masuk golongan bese2. Orang yang lebih tua pn bese2 je. Tp ni aku ckp pasal org yang akan aku hidup bersama hari2. Sebumbung. Sekatil. Dah bersediakah aku untuk list down atau list'up' kan dia dalam golongan orang2 yang sepatutnya berada lebih atas dari level aku? Kira dari segi ni, aku pon rasa, aku tak bersedia lagi. Nak2 dengan peel pakwe aku tu yang slalu ntah la, tapi bila aku baru cuba la konon2 nak baik2 ngan die, nanti ade la peel die yang die buat tu. Orang lain takkan paham, orang lain nampak, kitorg lain. Sebenarnya kitrog memang lain pon. Muahahaha. Macam mana aku nk explain. Masalah sebenar kitrog, org tak penah nampak. Yang orang slalu nampak mcm masalah tu, bukan masalah sebenarnye. Hehehe. Besela, only you know yourself best kan.. Hehehe...

Takdela, tapi, aku memang nk berubah. Aku memang taknak cakap kasar2 ngan dia lagi. Aku memang taknak memBOSSykan diri aku kat dia lagi. Aku nak let him decide, how it should be. How our relationship ke, our weekend activity ke, I would want him to decide. It will be like, my respect to him. But the thing is I don’t trust him enough to let him do it. And of course, most of the time, he blew off everything. He thought he had done the best for me, but the way I see it, he only doing it for him, not even for US!!! I thought all this nonsense, only happen after at least your 10-15 years of marriage? The part where you and your couple were arguing about things, and being unreasonable at all times, and is a test level to confirm whether your relationship can move on or not?

I know, some say, your relationship will step up from one level to another and each step will require you a test. But then, I don’t know, but this time, the test seems so hard. I don’t know where I stand and I don’t know what to do. I always end up being hard on him, or I’ll be the one getting hurt.

Skang ni takdela aku tgh gaduh ngan dia ke ape. Tapi sekarang ni, ape2 sikit senang btol aku nak terasa hati. Nanti aku akan buat something, supaya aku ase, ape yang dia bagi aku ase tu setimpal dengan ape yang aku akan balas balik. Baru la puas ati ku. Muahahaha… Kejam kan? Tapi kalu aku tak kejam, aku yang jd mangsa dia. So which one should I prefer? Ermm…..

Kiranya, compare ngn hubungan orang lain. Bila aku tengok dorg2 tu yang dh kawin. Teringin sangat nak macam dorg. Aman damai setiap masa. Skang ni aku tak nmpk macam mana aku ngn pakwe akan bahagia macam tu nanti. Blom nampak lagi la kiranya. Walaupon aku sayang dia, aku blom ready sebenarnya untuk berkorban ke, atau buat ape2 ke, untuk dia. Sebab aku pon rasa dia belum cukup buat ape2 untuk aku jugak. Memang la dia dah buat, kejam sgt kalau kata dia langsung tak buat apa2, tapi belum cukop lagi ape yang dia dh buat tu. Dan aku pun tak tau ape yang aku nak dari dia lagi. Yang aku tau, aku macam jaki sgt ngn dia skang sampai aku tak ase, kitrog akan bole jadi bahagia macam org lain. Nak je aku gi nuntut ilmu2 perkahwinan, yelaa….supaya aku benar2 bersedia. Sebab sekarang ni aku tak bole la nk claim nape la aku tak kawin lagi. Kira aku dah sedar dah, aku memang tak bersedia lagi.

Tapi, ilmu2 mcm ni, sebenarnya bergantung kepada setiap pasangan tu jugak. Kalau dorg benar2 in love, then, nothing would break them apart. Sooo unbreakable....;)

Satu perkara yang aku tau. Jangan ingat ko tu dh cukop berkorban dengan si dia ko tu, ko tak nampak lagi apa yang die mungkin dah berkorban untuk ko. Statement ni untuk aku, dan untuk pakwe aku jugak………….:'(