I Feel Like Ally McBeal Today
And life today was so unreal.....is not that i've been dreaming the whole day.....Or i dont believe what i faced today....It is just that....I talk to myself a lot.......I tell you.....A lot......And somehow, my ownself, thought that, those sarcarstic 'things' that came out inside my mind....is sarcarstic...what am i talking.....i lost the way i was leading to just now......
but nevermind....yesterday....was a bulk.....everything was a burden....and everything put me down.......until i want to close my eyes...my mind keep thinking......thinking how sad i was...ok..this time folks...it is not about love ok....it is about life....ok...love is life.....but this time...it is really life.......my family....my workload that just coming in...my officemate......you just name it.....oh well....everybody must have felt the same too.....anger....scared....despice....unlove.....nobody cares about u....esp everyone the one u love and expect love fr(ok it is about love...but its more to...i dont know how to put it.....but it can be my mom...my dad.....something like that)...but hey...its me....nobody might have known....but i do took it seriousely.....so i keep telling myself....it was yesterday......it was few hours ago.........it had happened......i dont have to look back.....now look forward....wht you must do for future........?....that's a big question mark.....so many things i have to do...i couldnt catch up that fast......i'm tired.......i need a rest......before i could start catching up......
as i move on thinking.....being afraid of tomorrow....i heard subuh prayer.....it is morning again! surprice...........i tried to sleep again....i wont get up unless it is 630am......at least i could have 1/2hour sleep.....but i gave up........i went to pray....and as i expected...eventhough i extended my wake up to 730......i still couldnt get to sleep....urghhh.......ok...i tell myself...so u dont want to sleep huh.......lets just lie down......we are all tired...and we have a very big day today.......so lets just lie down.......let just think of something nice.......ermm......wht is the nicest thing that happened to me lately? ahaa.....that's better...why didnt i think of this last night?...
oh no......morning light.......my alarm could burst any minute.......i hate it when they make that noisy sound...i should get up now...no...just let the alarm rings.......back to lying down...we almost sleeping here....no we r not...we r not going to get anywhere.....so there...the light from outside makes my room even more sunny.....ok we got up.....now.....and i look at my phone clock...which is my lifetime alarm......it was only 659 that time....i have at least 29 minutes to fame.....if i just go on with the nice story in my head.....and let myself sleeping.....
i'm too weird today...i'm not sleepy at all.....i dont know why......hmmmmmm
i'm more energetic....i'm like somebody different.....i cant let my brain rest for a minute......i got to work......do my work....face problem......got whacked by my bos......lunch time......eat........watch some cute stuff from tv...not guys haa....just a little movie...dont knw wht....then got back to the office.....waiting for my bos......go for testing......got whacked again.....but my bos was more controlled because we're in front of the clients...but i'm scared he'll whacked me there....if he lost his mind....that could be worst rite....so my life wasnt so bad....anyway....on my way home...he bulk me again with his imposible...maybe not so imposible task to do by monday...monday??!!! wht will happened to my weekends??? and he did mention..this is something you have to do on weekends...and i kept saying in my head....sir....dont you have a life? you know....something that spelled L.I.F.E....where you need to rest.....and relax.......u know sir...i've been sick last monday....after i recover...u ask me to do stupid things...which i thought stupid...but later...i realize it was me that is...stupid....and i never relax since then.....and the weekends was my only hope...you know my family expecting something from me......i wouldnt be able to relax at all sir...my room is so hot at night when i tried to sleep....."and siti please listen...this project is very important...."...oh i was somewhere else just know......of course i just kept quiet and let him do the talking..................................until he said "ok you can go back now"...wht a relief...and until then...i didnt touch a thing on the work i am supposed to do and supposed to start now......oh well....again....its me....nobody might have known.........
that's that...but of course that's not all.....but....i think that;s that...hehe.....because i think today.....i kept saying the wrong things.......i kept day dreaming...talking to myself......i'm feeling at a state of i think...calm....but if something gets me on something....i shout.....my anger came out easily......i couldnt control......i lost control on everything....i always feel today like....why did i said that? i can just say-....oh nevermindd.....or i even talking to myself.....when i was lonely...in my car or something....and i will be like...wht r u doing?....i mean....i said it to me.....there...i talk to myseld again....does this sound insane to anyone? insane isnt it? this evening......when i thought about it....i think i rather kept quiet before i do anything else wrong....so i kept quite...but still...it;s talking to me!......i just kept quite from the world outside...so that i will not harm people............
i dont know tomorrow....wht will happened.....will there be a better day for me? i dont know....and i dont want to cry......ally mcbeal dont cry all the time doesnt she? it is not that i want to be like her.....but like a doctor of myownself......i convicted myself to be having ally's sindrome....which my research department....dont know wether or not it will harm me....or does that kill me? i dont know...seriousely...i dont know...today......tonight...i have no time to think about that.....i am writing this blog just for the sake to make me feel tired enough....i need a nice sleep......tomorrow...and the day after...and the day after.....and the day after.....going to be a looooongg journey for me........
i dont know who is reading my blog at the moment.......but i would like to say anyway....eventhough....maybe none is reading it.........thank you..........
that is all for now.....long enough.......good night....
but nevermind....yesterday....was a bulk.....everything was a burden....and everything put me down.......until i want to close my eyes...my mind keep thinking......thinking how sad i was...ok..this time folks...it is not about love ok....it is about life....ok...love is life.....but this time...it is really life.......my family....my workload that just coming in...my officemate......you just name it.....oh well....everybody must have felt the same too.....anger....scared....despice....unlove.....nobody cares about u....esp everyone the one u love and expect love fr(ok it is about love...but its more to...i dont know how to put it.....but it can be my mom...my dad.....something like that)...but hey...its me....nobody might have known....but i do took it seriousely.....so i keep telling myself....it was yesterday......it was few hours ago.........it had happened......i dont have to look back.....now look forward....wht you must do for future........?....that's a big question mark.....so many things i have to do...i couldnt catch up that fast......i'm tired.......i need a rest......before i could start catching up......
as i move on thinking.....being afraid of tomorrow....i heard subuh prayer.....it is morning again! surprice...........i tried to sleep again....i wont get up unless it is 630am......at least i could have 1/2hour sleep.....but i gave up........i went to pray....and as i expected...eventhough i extended my wake up to 730......i still couldnt get to sleep....urghhh.......ok...i tell myself...so u dont want to sleep huh.......lets just lie down......we are all tired...and we have a very big day today.......so lets just lie down.......let just think of something nice.......ermm......wht is the nicest thing that happened to me lately? ahaa.....that's better...why didnt i think of this last night?...
oh no......morning light.......my alarm could burst any minute.......i hate it when they make that noisy sound...i should get up now...no...just let the alarm rings.......back to lying down...we almost sleeping here....no we r not...we r not going to get anywhere.....so there...the light from outside makes my room even more sunny.....ok we got up.....now.....and i look at my phone clock...which is my lifetime alarm......it was only 659 that time....i have at least 29 minutes to fame.....if i just go on with the nice story in my head.....and let myself sleeping.....
i'm too weird today...i'm not sleepy at all.....i dont know why......hmmmmmm
i'm more energetic....i'm like somebody different.....i cant let my brain rest for a minute......i got to work......do my work....face problem......got whacked by my bos......lunch time......eat........watch some cute stuff from tv...not guys haa....just a little movie...dont knw wht....then got back to the office.....waiting for my bos......go for testing......got whacked again.....but my bos was more controlled because we're in front of the clients...but i'm scared he'll whacked me there....if he lost his mind....that could be worst rite....so my life wasnt so bad....anyway....on my way home...he bulk me again with his imposible...maybe not so imposible task to do by monday...monday??!!! wht will happened to my weekends??? and he did mention..this is something you have to do on weekends...and i kept saying in my head....sir....dont you have a life? you know....something that spelled L.I.F.E....where you need to rest.....and relax.......u know sir...i've been sick last monday....after i recover...u ask me to do stupid things...which i thought stupid...but later...i realize it was me that is...stupid....and i never relax since then.....and the weekends was my only hope...you know my family expecting something from me......i wouldnt be able to relax at all sir...my room is so hot at night when i tried to sleep....."and siti please listen...this project is very important...."...oh i was somewhere else just know......of course i just kept quiet and let him do the talking..................................until he said "ok you can go back now"...wht a relief...and until then...i didnt touch a thing on the work i am supposed to do and supposed to start now......oh well....again....its me....nobody might have known.........
that's that...but of course that's not all.....but....i think that;s that...hehe.....because i think today.....i kept saying the wrong things.......i kept day dreaming...talking to myself......i'm feeling at a state of i think...calm....but if something gets me on something....i shout.....my anger came out easily......i couldnt control......i lost control on everything....i always feel today like....why did i said that? i can just say-....oh nevermindd.....or i even talking to myself.....when i was lonely...in my car or something....and i will be like...wht r u doing?....i mean....i said it to me.....there...i talk to myseld again....does this sound insane to anyone? insane isnt it? this evening......when i thought about it....i think i rather kept quiet before i do anything else wrong....so i kept quite...but still...it;s talking to me!......i just kept quite from the world outside...so that i will not harm people............
i dont know tomorrow....wht will happened.....will there be a better day for me? i dont know....and i dont want to cry......ally mcbeal dont cry all the time doesnt she? it is not that i want to be like her.....but like a doctor of myownself......i convicted myself to be having ally's sindrome....which my research department....dont know wether or not it will harm me....or does that kill me? i dont know...seriousely...i dont know...today......tonight...i have no time to think about that.....i am writing this blog just for the sake to make me feel tired enough....i need a nice sleep......tomorrow...and the day after...and the day after.....and the day after.....going to be a looooongg journey for me........
i dont know who is reading my blog at the moment.......but i would like to say anyway....eventhough....maybe none is reading it.........thank you..........
that is all for now.....long enough.......good night....
Comments