A Car, A Long Way Ahead
I just can't let my self keep quite. I can't just let me be and not writting or feeling anything. Hehe. And i can't stop telling and sharing. I know it is not fine, because, once people know your story, they you are like, being naked in front of them. But i can't stop myselg. Having let me, drag into other people's mind or thoughts. If i'm being laughed at, that there none other than me who is to blame. And tha's that.
However, my topic for today is not about this hanky panky thing. But it is about this nice feeling i had just a while ago. I dont know, it was just so nice and tender inside me, and i fell like i'm floating. And that is what make me sit here and typing in my thoughts.
Havent i thought about this before. It was so nice, sitting next to a person who you know loves you and tried to impress you. The air of the mood that time, was just so plain, so mesmerising. If i am using the word right. This is how far he would go and do for me. As though i'm being his pride or something. And to remember that moment, i remember i scwered it big time. I questioned the road we are facing? And i blame him for doing this, and i not agreed with him on any bit. I cried, so load i could hear his sigh. He has been trying so hard and this is what he gets?
The plain feeling before was nothing but everything that was coming that time blew it off. He never gets on his nerves. He controlled everything so fine. Looking at the atmosphera of our meeting that moment. He tried his best not to join the blow. I knew i kill his excitement so badly that time. I knew and i cried louder because i knew. But i couldn't help myself. The more he thinks he pleased me, he actually making it worse without knowing what exactly that i want.
But that blew off went along. And we did get along fine after that. We did tried to fix it all up and be what we are today. Fortunately.
I tried not to think the bad so much. I tried to bring up all the goodness of everything in what we had left for life. I cant help myself from not crying or not being sad, or accept what ever it is that coming. I cant. So i did cried along the way. Again and again i cried. I felt lost and i felt hurt. But the previouse bleed had healed. The cries is for all the matter that turn out bad for the next moment but it is nothing but spices of life. In other words, it is just plain normal and still happening now.
My point is, the long road we had to face, the long wait, and the long hope we had to put up, does bring sadness and loathe as in despise as in fed up! But we just had and in need to go. This heart this comitment this memory this history, just need to go. As far as it can go. There is no hope though. There just trust and certainty. We have to and we need to!
Along the way, that's where i stopped myself and looked back everytime. Though i always heared my teachers, my parents, my aunts or uncles, told me, never to look back. I was forbid to do so. Though i can't stop thinking about the pass. Not really long at pass, 1 or 2 years back i suppose. And i just need to feel back all the sweet or sour of life i been through. And it is nothing but nice taste of life i bring back. :)
Some friend of mine, telling me, i know where i'm going, what i'm gonna do, i know where i'm standing. I was jealouse. I never know mine. I lead my life the way it goes. I never had plan. I never think of a plan. I use my brain in a very tiny scale than i use my own heart signs. I use my feeling a lot. My senses. My consciousnes. A lot. I know that is bad. No, not good. I live in a fantacy. I can't never do anything right. So i tried to use my head once in a while, and i got this bad head ache. Ouch... That is what you get when you use your head not so frequently. For this paragraph, i dont have a point on nothing. No conclusion. I'm in head ache now to think of something rasional to save this part of me that is broken now. Hehe.
But it is what it is. I am what i am. I feel what i feel. One day i believe someone would hit me on the head and make me think and make me realize. I know someone will, i just dont know when, but i'm not waiting for that. If not, my head will not gets so painful right now. hehe.
I guess that's all for the day. But i just want to make it straight here, that sometimes, even when you think of someone you love, you would be happy enough. They are priceless to your life. So be sure you take a good care of them. Don't let them leaving you. You are nothing without this them. And you know who they were! (mom, dad, my love, my good friends, i just love you guys..hehe..)
However, my topic for today is not about this hanky panky thing. But it is about this nice feeling i had just a while ago. I dont know, it was just so nice and tender inside me, and i fell like i'm floating. And that is what make me sit here and typing in my thoughts.
Havent i thought about this before. It was so nice, sitting next to a person who you know loves you and tried to impress you. The air of the mood that time, was just so plain, so mesmerising. If i am using the word right. This is how far he would go and do for me. As though i'm being his pride or something. And to remember that moment, i remember i scwered it big time. I questioned the road we are facing? And i blame him for doing this, and i not agreed with him on any bit. I cried, so load i could hear his sigh. He has been trying so hard and this is what he gets?
The plain feeling before was nothing but everything that was coming that time blew it off. He never gets on his nerves. He controlled everything so fine. Looking at the atmosphera of our meeting that moment. He tried his best not to join the blow. I knew i kill his excitement so badly that time. I knew and i cried louder because i knew. But i couldn't help myself. The more he thinks he pleased me, he actually making it worse without knowing what exactly that i want.
But that blew off went along. And we did get along fine after that. We did tried to fix it all up and be what we are today. Fortunately.
I tried not to think the bad so much. I tried to bring up all the goodness of everything in what we had left for life. I cant help myself from not crying or not being sad, or accept what ever it is that coming. I cant. So i did cried along the way. Again and again i cried. I felt lost and i felt hurt. But the previouse bleed had healed. The cries is for all the matter that turn out bad for the next moment but it is nothing but spices of life. In other words, it is just plain normal and still happening now.
My point is, the long road we had to face, the long wait, and the long hope we had to put up, does bring sadness and loathe as in despise as in fed up! But we just had and in need to go. This heart this comitment this memory this history, just need to go. As far as it can go. There is no hope though. There just trust and certainty. We have to and we need to!
Along the way, that's where i stopped myself and looked back everytime. Though i always heared my teachers, my parents, my aunts or uncles, told me, never to look back. I was forbid to do so. Though i can't stop thinking about the pass. Not really long at pass, 1 or 2 years back i suppose. And i just need to feel back all the sweet or sour of life i been through. And it is nothing but nice taste of life i bring back. :)
Some friend of mine, telling me, i know where i'm going, what i'm gonna do, i know where i'm standing. I was jealouse. I never know mine. I lead my life the way it goes. I never had plan. I never think of a plan. I use my brain in a very tiny scale than i use my own heart signs. I use my feeling a lot. My senses. My consciousnes. A lot. I know that is bad. No, not good. I live in a fantacy. I can't never do anything right. So i tried to use my head once in a while, and i got this bad head ache. Ouch... That is what you get when you use your head not so frequently. For this paragraph, i dont have a point on nothing. No conclusion. I'm in head ache now to think of something rasional to save this part of me that is broken now. Hehe.
But it is what it is. I am what i am. I feel what i feel. One day i believe someone would hit me on the head and make me think and make me realize. I know someone will, i just dont know when, but i'm not waiting for that. If not, my head will not gets so painful right now. hehe.
I guess that's all for the day. But i just want to make it straight here, that sometimes, even when you think of someone you love, you would be happy enough. They are priceless to your life. So be sure you take a good care of them. Don't let them leaving you. You are nothing without this them. And you know who they were! (mom, dad, my love, my good friends, i just love you guys..hehe..)
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