Bluddy Me

Whether i hate it or not, i may have to accept,it is a plain heartbreaking fact. Nak buat macam mana lagi kn?

But in some way, i have to motivate myself. Ya i'm feeling down down down. Like the song. I am. My friend said, sapa tak rasa sedih atau down. Because i know why, because i have feeling too.I'm only human, i'm not god. I'm impulsive, responsive and i cannot accept to be step on the head. Not all the time, not even once. I barked a lot. I know. I just couldn't kept my mouth shut. What is it that u want? U want a piece of my ass? Yes i would say it. I even would yell. What do i care. Yah, you can say, i'm responsible for i've said. I deserved it.

But at least, when i say i hate someone, i didn't simply click on the X button.

I'll let this go if it just from one person. But no. It's not. So it got me to think. I'm the real problem. People do hate me for a reason. There must be something wrong with me. Isn't it? But i refuse to either let it go or go to the person and ask. What the hell is wrong with me. Because i think i already know the answer. Ko tak salah kn so nk buat apa ko risau.. Pegila jgn kaco aku. Because u know why? Typical people never want to sort out issues. The like it like this. Silently doing it and silently hating me. And i will feel like this. Like i am the only person on earth who knows it silently. SO i'll feel alone. Well lucky because i'm gud at SOCIAL NETWORKING world. Because i know. I'll realized it instantly!

So i choose to blog it. I don't know if they actually still read my blog or not. I don't care. Because i write anything here for me. Not for them. Blogging is to motivate myself. Not them. If they choose to read  any words came from me, and hurt because of it. It's their problem. Because i don't write those stuff on their wall, nor going to their blog - oh if they have one?- No i don't. 

But i know i issue is because my barking statement - not really about her pun yang dia nk perasan sgt tu apsal ntah - on FB. O so inilah malapetaka yang disebut2 mamat F41 bernama ayie tu? Erm.. Now i know. But really that statement belongs to you ayie. Not her. And really, i want ayie to realize it. And he is. He's being profesional with me thus so far. He knows i don't like him asking this and that. But he still talk to me. I know he don't like me that much. But at least he still talk to me. So, sorrylah ayie if my words are too harsh for you...

And the other issue is because, i raised my voice on her. Because i didn't get it what she said. I don't know lah if i'm dumb. But really she said A but she want me to do B instead. That's why i could understand her that time. But i guess she took it personally. Hah. There goes another one on my enemy list. Oh wait. I don't have any enemy list, it's actually my name on their list. Please understand that.

While writting this, i think, ok jugak diorg buang aku kn. Kiranya dorg dh taknak bc dh la Harsh words from ok. Ok jgk.Then ok la, i accept that.

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Regards,
Siti Fatimah Khairiah M Amin