Ibu...

Smlm byk tul bende terjadi...Ntah la aku ni betul ke tak betul.....Pagi2 dpt call dr big boss....

 

"Fatimah, yesterday when i went back, i saw u didn't keep the projector and laptop inside..It was left in the meeting room just like that...."

 

I blurted out for a moment? Was i suppose to be the owner of those mistake? I was just a backup.. Nobody tells me anything...I thought i has been taken care of..If i were the person who took everything and put it where i was to be on the meeting, then i suppose, it is really me to be blame....I dont know whether i suppose to be mad back or just listen.....I was really shocked and dumb-silent....

 

"If we lost those thing, you will be surcharge on your salary...I will not take the resposibility...It it yours!"

 

Again, only "I'm sorry Puan" came out of my mouth...At this point i thought..maybe i was wrong...All of the meeting comittee were outsiders..Only me, the big bos and another lady higher ranking than me were the insiders....Maybe because my rank is the lowest that it is my resposibility...If it seems unfair, that the right word to put it, at least, i should be a little more aware and alert of every situation...I should be blame..That is all everyone is concern..Making me say to myself..I have no time..No time at all to prove who i am?!!..I can't wait to be ranked up......

 

I reminds me of a time when someone nominated me to be an emcee to one of this goverment association...the session turns out to be a bigg havoc and everybody put blame on me..My bestfriend told me that i'm doing well...But there's a person saying i should know everything..I was blamming the urusetia that they were not aware and just want to be named or ranked....Every responsibility..they dont want to handle...But this person blame me....She said it is clear enough that this is my responsibility...Wasn't i reminded the urusetia i never expirience this kind of thing and i dont know what to do at what point...Doesnt them at least have a mercy help me a little????..But it was somehow not my fault at all, i had tried to control it but it was out of my control.....was people coming to the dewan late my resposibility? I am to greet the speaker...I am to call people to come to the dewan.....If i can order anyone to do...Why suppose i am the kuli? Should they nominate me as the Ketua then?.....Is it how it is in goverment institutions?

 

But then again..It just making my mind feeling tired.....

 

Later yesterday i was to attend a meeting..Again as kuli i have to run from one person to another just to inform what is next what word to be put in on the slide.......Is this my scope of work? I know..being inside the meeting without any purpose is buang masa buang duit.......The purpose just.."Awak kene backup saya kalau saya lupa" This is not from the big bos but from someone else.....She's higher ranked than me of course...At least give me some point to attend...At least to give my idea..Or to jote down anything for the analisys..Or to documentate anything......No..i was just there to listen..I did jote down my own notes..But it was not for anything..It is Buang Masa and buang kertas.......I'm not complaining..But i'm feeling something is wrong somewhere...And i'm tired................But at least...as a kuli to run there run here and being an interpreter..Somehow goverment languange is different from vendors...So as i konon have the expirience at the swasta side..So bolelah kot.......

 

It was not this writting is heading to actually..Just to point out a very tiredfull day yesterday..On the evening..I have to rush back to the office which was 500m walks....to take my handphone which i left accidently..HUhuhu..I was being very clumsy yesterday..Not really a bad day..I had worst.....I suppose......Then while riding on the bike with hubby..Just 5-10 minutes away from home...It was raining.....start with a tick tick.....then continius to pour like crazy....Huwaaa..But luckily we reached my mother's house with being 20-25% wet...........Still ok laa...

 

So i didn't touch firdaus....He was just laying and playing with his nenek as usual..Sudently he saw me...Hiiiii i was cheering him....He noded and anxiosly smiled at me....Then he cried saying something like..."AiiiBuuuu".... I cheer him back..."Buuuu".. He didnt stop crying..My mother asked me to change my cloths and take him..So i did..And he was very happy with it...And i played with him..Gave him my susu badan.....I was very pleasing...........Then i my mother took him back from me...Ya la just nk ajak main2...Since it still raining..taknak la balik rumah time hujan.......HE was being again.........."AiiiBuuuu".... ..."AiiiBuuuu".... ..."AiiiBuuuu".... and was jerking himself towards me......Of course die dh pandai lompat2..But setahu aku die blom bertujuan lg..Cm lompat2 je la takde destinasi...........Tp kali ni die mcm nk pegi dekat aku..THen my brother was telling me.."DIe panggil along tu..Ibu Ibu" Hohohohohoo...I took him to my lap...And he was being cheerfull again and stop saying ..."AiiiBuuuu".... ..."AiiiBuuuu".... ....Hahahaha...tak tau la kalu aku perasan ke tak...Just want to keep this moment as a note...My son was already calling me ..."AiiiBuuuu".... ..."AiiiBuuuu".... ......And i was bahasakan diri  MAMA....ok la tu..maybe this is his choise..we'll see later what is gonna be...Abah gonna be very jealous about this firdaus...Hahahaha....:p

 

Like my friend used to say..Bad things will come along with Good things..So i take her word.......Alhamdulillah......

 

Hope for a better day today and after..Insya Allah.....