To Love And To Hate

***First and for most, this poetry is dedicated to my dearest friend ....., to me and to everybody who are in love, espeacially to the ladies. As much as we know, man doesnt meant to understand us, but to love us. But for me, to understand is what it takes to love. As much as they love us but dont understand us, as much as they are hurting us, killing everything that is beautiful and the softness within us. We are not as strong as they thought we are, although we tried to be, but it does harm us day by day. However, as much as we woman hates our man, as much as we couldnt resist to feel the strong love inside us. We are like connected to the feeling, we cant simply throw it away. Even sometimes we pray for god to take it away, but we cries just to hope, there is other hope we can still put up. but we survive though. we will and we will stay this way. ***

So here goes..............

I start my day
So harsh so rush
I couldnt manage to breath enough
I start to think of you
When i am sad or i am hopeless
Try to get you in my scenery
So i will feel so much safer
That you will be there, holding me up

I start the day
Try to get everything done in their way
So it will not trouble me the next day
Trying to take things one step a time
And i catches my breath in between
I'm wondering what could you be doing
Did you feel the same hustle?
Did you fall, did you manage to get up?
Where are you?
Why you've been so quite?

The day start to end
Everything try to fall into it's places
There is trouble
There is hard part that i need to face
I go through everything, trying not to fall
Trying as hard that you will take me up if i ever did falling apart

And so finally we met
At the end of the day
Trying to be as cheerful as i can be
Trying not to show the hurt
As you have been so very quite
Trying to make the best impression for you
As we couldnt afford to have time like this together so much
Trying as much, to ignore
Everything you could posibly done or do
That hurt my feelings
Screwing up my emotions
Trying to hide
The last thing that i need to remember
How the day
Or the day before
Had been hard and hush to me
Not even trying
To tell you everything
Because just trying to avoid, as much as i could
From spoiling your mood, as i thought
It might have been your hardest day too

As we end the meeting
I feel so much better
Just to see your face
My troubles seems to go away
My heart just been filled up
I just miss you again
Couldnt wait for the next meeting

As for the next meeting
This time you expected me
To be there
As your problems
Bothering you so much
You needed me to be there for you
To lift you up
Light your day
I try as much as i could
To help you get out of your problem
Sometimes i do help
Sometimes it does takes my own feelings
To cheer you
But i try as much not to care

As my days goes
One by one
Bit by bit
It did hurts so much
Because day by day
I am trying to tell you
By not telling you
How it been so hard for me this last few days
Please be there for me
I need you
Please understand me
I cant tell you directly
You might be bored, you might have not listen
Did you not realize?
How i am being different lately?
Did you not see?
How the troubles affected me?

The next time we meet
When i just couldnt bare the hurts any longer
I burst, and cries as what you think i always do
And i feel the hates for you
I just want to tear you apart, so much anger inside me that time
I looked in your face
Try not to cry because i wanted to see you clearly
As much as i hated you, as much as i love you
I never know how to explain
I think i already tried
But it just never good enough
You will never understand
The same thing will happened again
This hurt that never manage to cure
Will shred apart again

This poem has no end, unfortunately
Although, you keep trying my dear
I do appreciate
But things just so hard
I couldnt bare
Please come here
Please calm me down
Just a little
Please try to understand
Dont let me break apart
As much as i need your love
I do need you to realize my feelings

Just for one minute
Please understand
That i am not that strong, as much as i tried to be
Because i need you to stand beside me, as i am standing by your side

There is no other words that could be describe
As far as i am taking it further from the divergent, the truth
I am trying to distract me
Confius myself so i will not cry again
As much as it will failed
Yet, there nothing i can use to deny
The love that is inside me

As much as this heart hated you
As much as it is fallen for you